I have not posted here very much but do alot of reading here and DR's books. I was the WS D-Day was 11/02 we started reading his books and doing his workbook, not doing well with it. We have had set backs and they were my fault. I'm trying to fix those things. But from my reading I'm not sure of something, should I be worried that H has not asked for any details or should I just give them, I don't want to hurt him any more then I have, or will this come with time.

I would like to put this out there also, for some help with. I seem to be having trouble with triggers and I feel like I'm in the fog.

I love and care about my H and our boys and do not want to mess up again and lose all that I have, but someday's I'm at a loss of what to do.

I'm sorry this is long and that I seem to be rambling. I will read all responses.

3boys

You might want to post this in the Recovery forum where I think it will get more attention.

Hang in there its a long journey not a sudden event.

Hi 3 boys,
My husband didn't dwell very much on the details either. I just wouldn't push it. He'll ask if he wants to know.

I know I have my days with lots and lots of triggers and want to contact the OM again. Infact, I did after a year of NC. I didn't tell my H about that and I didn't continue contact with the OM. But it's hard. Even though I love, respect and adore my h. We're incredibly compatible, etc., I still miss the OM's friendship terribly.

Hang in there.
Ashirley

Perusing this MB and being reminded of the pain A's cause everyone involved REALLY helps convince me NEVER to contact OM again!

3 boys,

He will ask if he wants to know. You are good to be concerned about it but I wouldn't worry unless he says something. If he does ask, hopefully you know how important it is to completely and totally answer every question. And not like a hostile defense witness either, but as someone who WANTS to impart full information. Just your willingness to tell him what he wants to know will do immeasurable good in restoring the trust.

Thank You everyone for your replies they are all very helpfull.

3Boys,
Please be careful. Think about your boys and the pain you will cause them if you continue contact with OM. I was the WW and when D-Day occurred, although the A was already over, I was told to leave. Although you cognitively know that you could lose it all, you don't really believe it. (I know- I was right there too). Well, wake up. Your H is being very generous if he is willing to work on your marriage. And that's precisely what you need to do. If you are not already in marriage couseling, not just books but counseling, you need to start now!

One more thought- if OM really did care for you, he would stay away from you and your family. He's not your friend and your not his- you were using him to get your needs met and likewise, he was using you to get his needs met. That's not what friends do to each other. So stay away from him.

I just re-read this post and it's kinda abrasive. I apologise. I really do feel for you, and I have been there, but sometimes we need to be abrasive with ourselves. I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you very much cutter for not beating around the bush, no need for you to be sorry. I'm wondering if sometine's I'm still in the fog? I just really want the SUN to come out and stay out if that make's sense. Thank you again.