Stbxh called last night to ask son if he wanted to go to a family function on Friday. I heard son say he didn't know and was it a dress up affair. I got so angry because I am left out when I did nothing wrong. Yes I was asked to go by an invitation but with stbxh going I had to bow out. I am in a true plan b only to keep my sanity in check, seeing him makes me want to kill him.

I guess what upsets me so much is how everyone excepts what happened and moves on, yes they might not like his choices but they except him. I feel like he shouldn't even have the right to breath never have the love of his children. In excepting him I feel like they don't care what he did to me and really the whole family unit. I know in my mind that is how it should be but the RAGE I have is unbelievable.

I guess it's the unfairness of it all. I have to get passed this because I went nuts last night. I was by myself but I screamed and yelled at the top of my lungs that I almost choked. I really scared myself. I cried so hard that this morning my eyes are all puffed up. I want him dead and I wish for it every day. I know this is isn't healthy but I need to know what to do with this awful stage.

I go to individual therapy, group support, started a journal, run and go to a gym. What else can I do to get out of this terrible phase? I'm scared!!! He is just so calm about the whole thing and I feel the complete opposite. So that gets me so mad I want revenge, I want him to suffer. I really do and this is so out of character for me.

I just want to hear that you guys went through this and made it. I'm losing hope for my future everything looks so bleak and I don't care about anything any more. This is a lonely place to be and it is starting to control me.

Whats the point of life when you spend so much time and effort to have a good marriage and have it count for nothing. 27 years are gone with a snap of a finger, it's so unfair. He has another family to take care of and I need to more on but I don't know how. Does the pain ever end? The hurt is unbearable! Help me.

It does get better, trust me. Right now, as it is so very new; the pain, anguish, etc., it does not seem that way.

I know exactly how you feel. My H was carrying on his A in work and even when people learned of it, they still treated hiim the same. I was given the pitying looks, the sad stares, etc., while he was treated no differently then before. However, as I started to heal (as I'm doing now) and good things happent to people when they are positive, the other party (whether be H or W) start to feel the guilt of their betrayal. Yet, while people do not outwardly show their disgust and lack of respect for your H...it is still there, trust me.

Well I hope this helps as you do need to get past this stage as difficult as it is.

Keep doing everything your doing to release and deal with the pain. Don't give up and remember doing something stupid only hurts you in the end.

Also try and understand that your marriage didn't disappear. All thoughs years don't vanish because of what he did.

And remeber he's not your whole life. When you get angry tell yourself that. You have your family and friends, maybe a job, hobbies and most of all your children.

One thing I did when I got angry was I taked negatively about my marriage like your doing and myself. Next time your angry flip the anger to something possative.

eg. I lost 20+ years because of this. - I had 20+ great years and have wonderfull children.

eg. - WHy does his family support what he did?? - It's good that has his families support during these tough times though I know supporting him doesn't meen they condone what he did.

Try and put yourself in there shoes. IF your son was an axe murder your as his mother would stand with him right up to the time they but he cuffs on him and sent him to jail. Then you'd still go see him. But that doesn't meen you accept his actions.

One last thing go see your doctor and get on some Medication for the depression. They take about a month or two to take full effect but are helpfull within a few weeks. JMHO