I don't mean to offend anyone. I think MB is a WONDERFUL place. HOWEVER!!!!!....I do feel that there is a bit of a "club" situation going on here. What I mean by that is that some people seem to get more input than others on their threads. Does that mean that I'm doing something wrong that only Star*fish and Orchid ever reply to my posts? (Star and Orchid- don't take offence, you've both pulled me through some of the worst times) Does it mean that I'm too boring for anyone else? Perhaps this is too new to me. I don't post often enough?...I'm not American?.... I don't know... just finding this a bit hard.

<small>[ July 30, 2003, 09:29 PM: Message edited by: Jackie O ]</small>

Hi Jackie,

Do not take offense. Some people are busy/new/caught up in their own situations, or just posting to old friends/ recent friends or similar situations as their own.

I personally look for posters I know, and lurk when I can on new threads. My own drama still goes on, so I can only handle reading so much new... no offense.

I would like to read your story and will try.

I am at work and way busy tonite and tomorrow, but maybe by sunday. WIll be looking for your post.

Thanks, H

DONT TAKE IT PERSONALLY...OR AT LEAST I DONT...NOT MANY PEOPLE LOOK IT MINE EITHER AND ITS COOL....IM AT WORK AN DONT GET ON AT NIGHT...I
i TEND TO LURK IN THE PRAYERS PART....HOPE YOUR DRAMA HAS A HAPPY ENDDING AND MAY YOUR DAYS BE PEACEFUL...

Thanks Honey! Half my problem is that there is a 9 hr time difference between U.S. and us. I don't know how to direct you to "my story" - but it's becoming happier daily. (Maybe that's the problem.... not enough drama.) Sometimes I feel like there's no-one to share my happiness with - not many people know in the first place - outside of family, and they think all is okay now. (We've kept them out of the day to day stuff, what's the point when they're all thousands of miles away?) I don't have anyone to confide in right now - good or bad times. I had a particularly bad night tonight hearing that my 83 year old Gran has taken a really bad turn. Sorry if my sadness has been taken out in the wrong place!

Jackie, I didn't know you weren't American, but why would that matter? I felt the same way you did when I first came here, but quickly learned it wasn't anything personal. I usually respond to situations to which I can relate and feel I have something to contribute. Sometimes I just feel that I have nothing helpful to say and others are more adept at certain situations. I am guessing that other folks are the same way. Believe me, this is not a "clubby" place at all!

And excuse my bad manners! Welcome to the forum! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks MelodyLane for the welcome,
Why does not being American matter? Because I get the feeling that 99% of people here ARE American, and perhaps Americans see things differently to the rest of the world? I'm sure that came out all wrong. What I mean is that Americans are more "open" about issues, the rest of us are still trying to catch up with you. It's not your problem, believe me!
I've found so much inspiration here, MB has been a God-send! I hear what you are saying, and perhaps I'm a bit over-sensitive tonight... under the circumsatnces of my Gran's health.
Jackie

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> DONT TAKE IT PERSONALLY </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I won't, HMTHK. Thanks

jacky!!!!!! how are you??? i believe you are right - this is some sort of drama club. people love to talk about relationships, marriages and all that other stuff. i bet if you posted something about sex you would get a ton of replies. it seems that people like talking about this subject. i like sharing advice with people, but i don't pay much attention to their names. actually i have replied many times without even knowing who i am replying to. if you would like to share some things with me, let's do it. i'm game. have a great weekend. lmcmurtry@odot.org

I echo what Melody Lane said.

And Welcome to you, although I'm sorry you're going throught this, Jackie.

Jo

Jackie,
It doesn't matter where you live or your nationality.
That is not the purpose here, or at least i don't think so. Otherwise, that may the reason I feel dissed somedays, I come from a part of the world that no one has heard of.

why does it seem that when you need the most help there is no one around to help or hug? I think that is just the nature of the beast. I have felt so alone here when I NEEDED so badly.
I learned not to take it personally. In the long run, you'll find that somene is aleays there for you and with you. People lurk and fiollow and respond when you truly need the most. It's magical and wonderful.

When no one is responding, I surf and make new contacts, I read and learn, add quick comment s like "here's a hug", "I hear you", "sounds tough"
etc.
Hang in there
Patience.
xo
2nd

PS don't become another drama queen to get attention, I've had my fill for a life time.

<small>[ July 25, 2003, 06:55 PM: Message edited by: 2ndfiddle ]</small>

Hi Jackie,

Until you said so, I'm sure no one had much of an idea that you weren't American. I know alot of foreign posters here and some get many many answers and some not too many. Let me tell you what things seem to make a difference...at least that I've noticed.

*If your thread isn't getting much interest, bump it, change the title, but don't give up.

*The time difference probably affects your posts because when you don't have questions and answers happening in real time...there is a big lag.

*Answer everyone who posts to you and ask specific questions.

*Answer other people's posts and show interest in their stories

*Post to specific people who's opinion you trust or whose experience is similar to yours.

*you can always cheat and put "sex" in the title.

*don't make your posts or threads too long(at least to start out with)

*be persistent it takes a while for threads to get started and people to get to know you.

*or do something dramatic....like this LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ July 25, 2003, 07:07 PM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

Jacki,
Isn't Star the sweetest? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Jackie, go take a look at Mimi. She is a master at getting people on her thread! She changes the name of her thread every other day. If she feels she isn't getting feedback, she will change it to something dramatic like "URGENT, NEED HELP NOW!!!!!!!" hahahaaaa Cracks me right up.

Every newbie should go the Mimi School of Thread Traffic Building! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Jackie O,

NO this is not a drama club.

When I first came here in the spring of 2001 my first few posts got only 1 or two responses each. I was a mess and really needed help. Like you I had no support system here as I could not tell my friends and family. I needed help badly and hardly got any. But I cherish, to this day ever one I did get. They changed the coarse of my marriage.

Every response you get is a gift.. a gift of time and energy from people who do not have much of either right now. Generally a person will select one or two people to concentrate on as it is very time consuming to respond to every one.

There was a time when I used to respond to every new comer and kept them going until others took over the support of that person. But I find I can not do it much anymore. My H and I are in a very good strong recovery. But I find that the pain here is too much for me. It’s a trigger and hurts my marriage as I ascend into the depths of depression every so often. So I post where and when I can handle it.

In all of my time here I have started very few threads of my own. Most of my over 4000 posts have been in response and support of others. I find that this is best way to get to know people and get my own support from them. I get 10 times what I give this way… instead of waiting for people to respond to me. Many people come here and post once or twice and never come back. People get weary giving time and energy to these threads. So the longer you stay, the more you help others and the more you post yourself the more people will seek you out and post to you.

dean790,

Thought I’d give you a heads up…..

I am sure that your intent here is pure as the day is long in inviting Jackie O to email you but it does not look that way. Sometimes appearances are everything. MB is not a place to meet people of the opposite sex. What do you think her husband would think if he found out that she was emailing another man? What you would wife think? There is absolutely no way our wife should tolerate this.

Jackie O can get all the help she needs here in public and from the women in private email. We have a rule here of no cross-gender emailing. Too many affairs get started on the internet.

It is totally in appropriate for a for married man to extend a person helping hand to a woman who is not his wife. Most affairs happen when a two people start sharing their personal problems. It builds an intimacy that should not exist. One of the best ways to ensure that an affair never happens is to protect from ever being in a private place (even private email/chat) with a person of the opposite gender. You are a married man and Jackie 0 is a married woman.

Since I have my email address on here I do get emails from men looking for input and help. I show every one of them to my husband so that he will never, ever think I am doing something inappropriate. He and I read them and include his input into the responses. That is the only way it is appropriate.

If my H ever extended an invitation to any woman here to email him he’d be out the door with his history.

Of course Jackie O will do what she feels is appropriate. But just wanted to let you know that we are very careful to not let MB be the cause of problems and affairs.

Melody has it.

I keep changing the name of my thread until I get attention.

I learned early on that the key is to scream out for help and folks will come running.

No offense Jackie I haven't noticed you for some reason so it might be how you are labeling your topics.

I will begin looking for you and will read to learn more about you. I certainly want to do as much as I can to help you because I know how important folks here are to me.

I feel the same same way you do Jack O. I really felt dumb posting to people here. I'm thinking they are going to think I am a fool. When I talk to some friends around me here they say I would dump him. No man would ever do that to me. Well one of my saying is never say never to you have lived it. I have lost my brother over this my mother hates my husband my MIL is one of the ones who would have thrown all of his stuff out.So now who do I talk to? I start reading here for awhile I set aside my self conscious and ask and wait and wait. I was not going to post no more. But you know what? I love my husband and I want my family back and I am there now to say I will do what it takes! So, I will wait. ark has helped me so far. Some of these people here I see as computer angles. The title is a strong one but you are the line to are hopes and dreams. You are the ones who might say that one word of strenth that may get us through for then. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I do thank all for there time here. It is so sad that we are all here for this help.I always heard love does not hurt. Who ever said that I wonder if they ever ended up posting here.They are worst off then I. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ July 26, 2003, 07:31 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

Jackie,

Drama club? Not everyone here is about drama. As a matter of fact, most of my posts have been about stepping OUT of the drama.

I post to very few people, but I read alot. I am sorry for your situation, but I don't always know what to say and I never, ever want to hurt or make troubles worse for people.

Just want you to know I have read your posts and pray for you.

You are WORTHY. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Oh boy! I think I started something here that I really didn't want to. I think I took my sadness about my Gran out in the wrong place. SORRY. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Since I did start it, I'd like to show you all the courtesy of a response.

dean790
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> if you would like to share some things with me, let's do it. i'm game. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not game for that kind of support, thank you very much. I don't want to get into private e-mailing, especially not with a married man however good your intentions. Feel free to comment on any of my threads, let's keep it public!

Resilient
Thank you for the welcome.

2ndfiddle
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> PS don't become another drama queen to get attention, I've had my fill for a life time.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I certainly won't do that! I'm embarrassed that I've caused a bit of a scene here as it is. Thank you for your input and tips.

star*fish
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The time difference probably affects your posts because when you don't have questions and answers happening in real time...there is a big lag. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're right, not much I can do about that. Maybe what I'll do next time is bump when there are lots of folks on line. Just before I go to bed seems really busy.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Answer everyone who posts to you </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Am I doing okay with that one? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Answer other people's posts and show interest in their stories </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good advice Star. The only reason that I haven't posted much to other people is because I'm new here and I just don't feel qualified to offer advice. There's no harm in just letting people know that I've read their post and can empathise, right?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Post to specific people who's opinion you trust or whose experience is similar to yours.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I keep looking, but as you said in my "Is this normal?" thread that my situation is a bit unusual. It would be nice to get more replies to good news though!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> or do something dramatic....like this LOL </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think I'll do something this stupid again in a hurry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Star*fish, you always reply to my threads and have helped me so much. Just giving me a boost when I need it. I really appreciate your time and input. Thank you.

Zorweb
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Every response you get is a gift.. a gift of time and energy from people who do not have much of either right now. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm eating humble pie right now. I'm sorry that I've been so selfish. I do appreciate ALL the replies I've ever had. I also realise that there are people out there that have much more to deal with than I do. My situation is turning out better than I'd ever hoped for. I went through h*ll to get where I am now, but there is a bright shining light at the end of my tunnel and I feel blessed.

Thank you for tackelling dean790 for me. I was a bit taken aback by his invitation. You handled it better than I ever could have!

mimi1254
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> No offense Jackie I haven't noticed you for some reason so it might be how you are labeling your topics. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">None taken, and you're probably right.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I will begin looking for you and will read to learn more about you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks Mimi. Honestly, it's okay. There are others that need input far more than I do. I was just being selfish.

Thank you all for posting. What wise people there are at MB. You can all give yourselves a pat on the back, because I'm feeling like a right twit and SO I SHOULD!!!! I don't want to make excuses for myself, but I was really emotional about Gran when I posted.

After I've posted this I'm going to write up a signature and post that so that you'll have some idea of my story.

While I was typing my last post and doing the signature thing, 2 others have posted!

No2nos

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When I talk to some friends around me here they say I would dump him. No man would ever do that to me. Well one of my saying is never say never to you have lived it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That was me. One month before H's A started we found out that a friend had cheated on his wife. I said to H "If you ever do that to me, I will take you for every penny you've got." Well, that sure made a big impression on him!!! He went and did it anyway. I didn't follow through with my threat. I took joint resposibility for the state of our marriage that led him to the A in the first place. My attitude is completely different now. Walk a mile in my shoes, then maybe you'll understand what I'm about.

Thank you for posting. Good luck to you, hang in there. These MBers are angels, and they are there for us.

Miss M

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Just want you to know I have read your posts and pray for you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you Miss M, I appreciate it.