Today I received a response from my wife’s attorney to my divorce complaint. It was about what I probably should have expected, but it still upset me greatly.

I had originally filed on two counts, adultery and extreme cruelty. The first count was broken up into eight separate paragraphs. Not surprisingly, the two paragraphs that dealt with the specific adultery were denied in the response. This really hits in the gut because she had admitted this to me over two years ago. To think that my dear wife could actually lie on a legal document just astounds me.

I know that many would say to just let it go, save your money and get over it. If we were without children, I would most likely go that route. But the problem is that she has snowballed our youngest daughter (soon to be 12) into believing that this other woman is nothing more than her best friend. When I made a brief unsuccessful attempt at Plan B two years ago, I had informed both of my daughters of my wife’s relationship with this other woman. Ever since that time, she has done as much damage control as possible to smooth things over. My oldest daughter (17) has always been smart enough to deal with this and to this day wants nothing to do with the OW. But my youngest, more impressionable, daughter has given in to my wife’s shenanigans. There have been several occasions where my wife has taken her to see this OW, without my knowledge, and over time she has regained some measure of trust with her. This has been extremely demeaning in my relationship with my youngest. On that fateful day two months ago when I told both daughters I was filing for divorce, she flatly informed me that she would continue seeing this OW as often as she wanted and that she didn’t care if I filed a restraining order against the OW. I was dumfounded. I never demanded that she not see this OW even though it made my skin crawl. I wonder where she got the idea of a restraining order?

I guess what I’m looking for here is some support to tell me I’m justified in pursuing the adultery count. I want my kids to know the truth. I do have a certain measure of proof in the fact that both my wife and this OW also admitted their affair to the OW’s husband. We haven’t talked in a while, but I believe he would readily back me up. Although he hasn’t done anything for himself legally yet, I would offer to do the same for him in return.

Steve Harley had urged me to go after the adultery and extreme cruelty counts in addition to seeking full custody of the kids. I didn’t want to argue on the custody issue, mainly because the kids have been alternating weeks between our two homes (both in the same town) and my lawyer said that any judge would likely stick with this arrangement because it has worked for so long. I also wanted to leave the door open to some type of reconciliation. Now I’m left wondering whether I did the right thing.

So, what do you say here? Should I go for it all here or get it over as easy as possible and save the $$$ that could go to my daughters education? According to my attorney, I can petition the court for ordering psychological evaluations for all (including the OW if she wants to continue seeing my daughter) and that costs big, big bucks…

<small>[ July 30, 2003, 03:38 PM: Message edited by: Always Hopeful ]</small>

If it's just to prove a point, I say save your money.

I have been following your posts and it really makes me mad what your wife has put you through.
I would talk to the OW's husband and get a notarized statement about the affair and contact their place of employment and get them both fired.
I think it is essential to get the OW's husband statement. I would follow Harley's advise and stop them from warping you youngest daughter. I wish you luck.

What concrete evidence of an affair do you have? any letters, photos, etc. Does your attorney feel that you have enough to win? And what does it get you?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Zorweb:
<strong>What concrete evidence of an affair do you have? any letters, photos, etc. Does your attorney feel that you have enough to win? And what does it get you?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have a flat out admission of it on 10/15/00. In addition, both parties admitted it to the OW's spouse about a week before. There is no physical evidence. I'm going to contact him again as soon as my attorney talks to me early next week.

<small>[ July 31, 2003, 03:19 PM: Message edited by: Always Hopeful ]</small>