My H had a 3 year A which produced a child. I did not know anything about the A or child until the child was one years old.

Fast forward several years since discovery. I have counseled with three therapists, including Steve Harley. H refused to stop contact with child, something I did not agree with, and refused even temporarily to give up contact while we worked with Steve to heal our relationship.But he said he didn't want to leave home. He also maintained some sort of contact with OW, if not sexual-although I am not sure.

Steve recommended I file for legal separation, and I did several months ago. My H and I am now in the throws of court hearings. WE are both at this juncture representing ourselves.

What upsets me the most of this process is first, H's refusal to try another way to heal. He blames me for filing for legal separation and making our relationship "adversarial". And, he is upset with me trying to get the maximum child support for our three kids. By the way, H pays child support for OC that is just about the same amount as I get for our children. Today I made mention to him at court that he didnt' get angry at OW for her filing for CS for child, and was still sexual with her while she filed for child support, but with me, he is angry, views me as evil, vicious, trying to make him live in gutter and sap all his money.

I feel he is displacing his anger at self for ruining our very long term marriage and putting himself in economic straights. But it doesn't help to tell him that, and he is constantly furious at me.

At this juncture, I just see plan B making him angrier and angrier at me, and definately more determined to continue divorce process. He just got a new place to rent more suitable for our children to visit. And he makes no attempts to suggest reconciliation or has he accepted my offer to try to reconcile with conditions-ie. no contact with OW and OC at least for now. (OW forever, OC temporarily.)

Has this happened to the rest of you who have done plan B? and what do you think of all this? Am I doing something wrong? Will this ever get better?

thanks.












What is UBB Code™?

Options
Email Notification: emails sent to you whenever someone replies.

Show Signature: include your profile signature.

Disable Graemlins in this post.





Contact Us | Marriage Builders | Privacy Statement

© 1995-2002 Marriage Builders, Inc. All rights reserved.
Marriage Builders is a registered trademark of
Marriage Builders, Inc.



UBB.classicTM 6.3.1

Yes, this is typical WS behavior, he blames you so that he doesn't have to face up to reality that HE DESTROYED HIS FAMILY. It is easier to blame someone else for mistakes. I don't know your history, meaning did you try Plan A? How long seperated? But from what you have told us he doesn't want to try to heal the marriage, only blame you for his mistakes. No contact maybe needed for you peace of mind.

I have been separated for almost 4 months. Prior to that, was in a sort of Plan A, under Steve Harley's direction and therapy with and without H. Steve did not think H was willing to try a new way to heal our marriage, and H was adamant that he would only work on marriage as long as he continued to have contact with OC. That was something he and I could not agree on-certainly not when I saw I was getting very little from him that I needed-especially having no contact at all with OC, which he refused to do and refused to write her a NC letter.Steve felt H's way of handling this, was not working either and saw me losing love for H.
Yes, I feel stronger, more myself in Plan B, but had hoped H would at some point realize what he was losing.

NOw all I see is he seems glad to be losing me, just hates being part time father to the kids.

I just wonder if this will ever improve.