Ginny,
What a psycho she is. She must be scared of losing him to take such bold steps.
A person never knows what they have until they have lost it. Your loss have given me a wonderful man which I will treasure and protect with all my life".

This cracked me up( I am sorry - no offense meant) because as someone from the outside of your situation, it just sounds like such a dumb thing to say. I mean come on. She is his secretary and had an affair with him, but he is a Wonderful man?!?! hmmm.....yeh, she will treasure and protect him, until it is no longer a contest, then the ole Dr. Phil saying will probably kick in- If they will do it with you, they will do it to you. At the very least, it WILL get boring, it WILL get old, and she WILL be miserable (Sounds like she already is to me). I wouldn't play her games, but I WOULD be tempted to cut that part out, send it back with a big laugh or a big note that says "Get back to me when the high has worn off and you get sick of doing his laundry or hearing his mouth!"(Or another annoying habit he has)
I am sorry this woman has come into your life though...I know it hurts. Believe me.

Ginny,
One more thing. From what I can tell you aren't divorced but you are in 7 hour time zone difference. ?? So I don't know if this could work for you, but my EX's OW's H supposedly (he told me- I don't know him to know if he was being truthful but I don't know why he would make it up to me) got a restraining order against my ex until the divorce was final, stating that he could not come within a certain distance of their 3 year old son, because of the bad influence that the affair is. Can you not get a restraining order against OW so she has to stay away from your kids? When his divorce was final, he could not do that anymore but until then.....

Thanks Adgirl

You know Adgirl what is so sad is the fact that soon after D-day he warned me about her. He told me he wanted to protect me from her as she was a malicious women and will stop at nothing to destroy people.

For the past year and a half she has played the perfect partner to him now the veneer is cracking. You can only pretend for so long <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Her true self is coming to the front. Knowing my husband he is most probably cringing inside but will not tell her.

My SIL saw him on Friday evening and she told me he looked terrible. Her words "You can see he is a man with a lot of problems"

As for me - I vent here but when I communicate with him I am "as sweet as an angel"

If I should go according to my therapist sayings -
"His trouble will start after the dv and then OW will show her true colours" Well the dv is in a weeks time and she has started - right on que.

I just want to encourage you to be strong in your resolve to have NC with this woman, and not to take out your frustration with her on your H - he's got his b**ls in the wringer washer right now and as soon as the D is final, she will start to twist - that's when you will be grateful that you didn't let her GOAD you into exploding at him.

She is a manipulative, malicious cow and you mustn't let her play you into her hands.

My parents DV 30 years ago - maybe they would have anyway, but I will tell you two stories to illustrate how my father's OW maniplated my mom into ruining a good plan A. My mother had found out about the A - but she is a wonderful woman, and she did a pretty good plan A, with some LB, nevertheless, she still had a chance - on their anniversary, she cooked a wonderful meal, and she and my dad had planned a special time together - OW called him at his office and begged to see him - told him she was pregnant (turned out not true - at least that time) - kept him tending to her misery until 1AM - knew it was his anniversary, spoiled it for them just to hurt my mother.

Dad broke up with her for more than a year, told my mother he was devoted to her and the family - one year later, OW calls, says she has to see him one more time to end it - he agrees - it was on again from that day. Forward 6 months - my birthday (I am 11). OW and I share the same birthday - she is going to be 21. I asked to be taken to a special event for my birthday treat - it is planned - family occasion. Dad now in thick of affair country again, OW begs him to take her to same event for her special 21st bday which is once in a lifetime. He comes back to family and says he doesn't want to take his daughter to event - we have done it before, it won't be that good this year, blah blah blah - my mother doesn't fight him, doesn't want to rock the boat - I am very disappointed. Mom makes enquiries with Dad's friends, finds out days later that Dad took OW to event. Now mom blows - explodes - she said it was the last straw - to put OW over his own daughter on her bday - mom tells him to take his clothes and get out. He does.

30 years later, my parents are still close, and OW has been second wife for 30 years - I can't say that Dad and OW are miserable now, but yes, OW has had 30 miserable years, because Dad became an alcoholic - now 6 months dry at age 78. Mom regrets to this day losing it on that day and throwing him out, says she would probably still be married.

Point being - some OW are just downright malicious - and clever as sin at getting BS to hand it to them on a silver platter. Don't let her suck you into her game. You let your H know you still love him and will always be there for him - be dignity itself and he will respect you for it, when his respect for the OW is gone, even if all this IS because of his choices in life - there is still a chance he will wake up to OW's true colours, and with help, throw her out of his life eventually. Stranger things have happened.

Hang in there.

LIR

All I have to say is you are doing something very, very right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I can’t believe this woman. She appeared out of no where into your marriage and she is so angry with you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Shouldn’t that be the other way around?

If I where you and I had to say anything It would be

Who are you trying to convince, me or yourself? LOL (Really, you know that silence speaks a thousand words- I don't know if I just made that up but...it does <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

This letter is a verbal attack on your character, your parenting, my God even your weight and your wedding memoirs. Now tell me…if she had all her eggs in the basket would she need to be so childish and petty, I think not.

One of my favorite lines was

Take the best interests of the children into consideration, rather than finding every possible angle to be revengeful and un-cooperative.

Key word un-cooperative, this was such a dumb, dumb move for ow. That word un-cooperative clearly states that things are not going her way, and you are largely responsible for it.

Stick to your plan. It is working. But, not to sound like the other woman….But I strongly suggest you start figuring out a way to protect your children from her mentally – she is crazy. And I think her presence and her desperate need to build this super mom rapport with you children is more detrimental than the divorce itself. Yes, I can here her desperatness, and I imagine her hanging on a thin string of the “good” confusion you’ve planted in your h mind. Keep up the good work, don’t get frustrated, or discouraged and investigate every angle to protect the children.

Good Luck

LIR: Thank you for sharing with me. My resolve is strong and I will not contact OW.

MYB: My gut is telling me that WS is now at the stage where he is holding on to our kids.
As for the protection of our children, there is a legal agreement in place for visitation.

As he lives in another town he only gets to see the kids once a month and we share the holidays 50/50.
As his cashflow dwindles <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , flying the kids to him once a month will also dwindle. He is already speaking about flying to our city now once a month to see the kids(lol)

My take on OW's letters:

In the letter she writes that she is returning all the letters I have send my WS

Only 3 were returned and that was the e-mail ones. What happened to the handwritten ones and the Plan B letter <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> - All given to WS by me personally.

On the letters she returned she highlighted sentences that justifies her A with my husband.

My weight gain after the birth of my baby.
That our sex life was affected after her birth.

This according to her was the break down of our marriage.

She did not highlight the sentence where I wrote

"I fail to understand how you could make passionate love to me whilst knowing you were also having sex with OW". Not important to her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

When WS moved he told me that he was not in a commited relationship with OW and that he felt he wanted to play the field. WS never had other steady relationships besides me.

oW, acknowledges this sentence and writes "I am well aware of this" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

The following does not matter to her:-
That he is a recovering alcoholic
That his brother committed suicide due to drug addiction and depression.
That, I as your wife and your children (your family) will always love you and care for you no matter what the circumstances. We will always be there for you.
As know AA and I am returning your Big Book. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So why am I so happy today:- She has given me so much insight into their relationship. It does not go deeper than the skin <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

God, also have a way of helping. My 11yo D, started menstuating yesterday. Also received a summonse for a traffic offence which WH did not pay. (2.30am - date, 15th Feb 03, where was he - on a business trip out of town) - Wonder who drove the car at that time of the morning <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> (That is our secret).

Spoke to WS this morning "Wonderful news, Wonderful news - Our DD is a young lady. Oh, yes I need to fax a traffic fine to you." Have a wonderful day.

How did he sound, miserable, miserable, miserable. Me - I was cheery and happy.

Hi there!! I hope you find this and remember me. I'm the person who sent you the surving an affair book. I have been off the internet for a while due to financial circumstances, (and being a full time student in computer science), but I'm baAcck! It's funny, I just was watching a special on your country the other day and have been wondering how I would ever find you again (I have a new computer now, my old one had a bad mother board and I lost all my email addresses, and I doubted I would still be able to find you one here. I was thrilled to find you here!! (Though not thrilled to see your situation doesn't appear to have gotten much better.

I'm not online alot, the school semester started last week, am only with some time to kill because of a holiday weekend. Please email me... I was lucky enough that my old email address was still available.. mackley@twcny.rr.com ... I would love to hear from you!

Me
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />