H4F,

As usual your replies are enlightening. Is your A an EA or PA?

I am still struggling with my own situation.I was the WW. We have almost the same case- OP is almost a family. I think if my EA did not lead to PA, this matter would be easier to deal with H, myself and family.

Thanks...

bump...

Hi Someone, sorry I missed your post earlier. I only get time sporadically to check in and post.

**Deleting this part...just went back and read old posts...I remember your situation and have already told you mine!!!**

I don't really see a big difference between "just" a EA and a PA...both take substantially away from the marriage and cause damage. Personally, I think the emotional side of things is the most damaging, and the hardest to really heal from. If you're having sex you just quit having it...it's done. But the thoughts of the other person and the dreams of the life you built together in your mind take longer to siphon out.

I have heard that it is all the harder to heal from when the BS and WS are each others "only ones" until the A happens. Still, I think all is possible to repair and heal.

Honestly Someone...it seems to me that NOT TELLING is hurting you worse than the isolation you believe you'll have from the family if you do tell. How many months has it been with no contact now and how are you feeling emotionally? Have you had any healing?

H and I were invited to the lake this weekend. So was the XOM. I asked the invitees if he knew we were invited and she said he did. So we decided to go ahead and go. We were there for almost 8 hours. We did a lot of avoiding...but at one point were all alone (the 3 of us and our son) on the beach. It was all a bit uncomfortable since no one spoke to each other...but since we don't know if he's healed enough to handle conversation we just left it be.

My secretary told me some time ago that her H was in a LONG term A with her best friend. They stayed together and so did the friend and her husband. It took 10 years, but they are actually friendly again. They live in the same community, so it was inevitable that they would be thrown in together from time to time. I guess I just hope that with time we can all heal that well too.

<small>[ August 05, 2003, 03:18 PM: Message edited by: hope4future ]</small>

Hi H4F,

Thank you for your reply. I asked about the EA & PA because in my case, aside from other issues in our marriage, personally my PA is the big hindrance in going back to H.

With regards to my family, I knew that they knew that there was something went on, but don't want to talk about it anymore. Until recently (about two weeks ago), when my h called my cousin and spoke about the A. She confronted her H, and he denied it.

She did not call me. But, I am thinking of calling her... but what will I say? I want to apologize, but I don't have the courage to confess.

I know, so many people are affected by my wrong choices. My whole family... I betrayed my whole family.

Till here... I have to go... my heart breaks everytime I think about what I've done. I'm so sorry...

Thank you for listening...