This is my first time here, but I have a huge question. My wife of 9 years has recently admitted to having an affair that lasted 3 years. She also was involved with a second person within that 3 years as a one night stand. She bascially wants out of the marriage, but says she is "willing" to work on it. She has moved out into an apartment and claims that the affairs are 100% over. She said she needs time, but has basically has no hope to ever live with me again. She says that she will not file for divorvce because she has no "scriptural" reason, but would live apart from me forever if I do not. She gives no hope of reconciliation claiming that she has tried everything through the years and she needs out of this horrible realtionship to maintain her sanity. I do not want ot lose her. I know that I have made big mistakes and not filled her tank. We have been very faithful to church, and the A was a huge surprise. I never thought she would do something like this. How long do I wait for her? We have no kids involved, so is this mariage worth saving and worth me going through the pain of trying? Please help. I am going crazy because I do want to save it, but see no hope. Is it worth the effort?

ndistress, I am sorry you are here, but you are in the right place. First off, I want to tell you that it is not hopeless.

Secondly, you need to be prepared for the ugly truth. And that is that she is probably still in an affair. Almost always a spouse will move out so they can be free to carry on an affair. That is the main reason they move out. That still does not mean its hopeless. It may mean, though, that this is a way of life for her rather an aberration that can be recovered from. If it is a way of life, it is better that you know that now so you can move on if you choose.

You have lots of reading to do in order to get up to speed. I would run to the book store tomorrow and get His Needs/Her Needs and Surviving an Affair. They will help you to start on Plan A.

Here are some links you can read NOW that will give you an idea about Plan A.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=29;t=000940#00 0000

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=30&t=000176

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=30&t=000177

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

<small>[ August 01, 2003, 10:27 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>