I need some really good advice quickly because I'm not sure whats going on. Let me start from the beginning. My best friend and I hang out all the time, and everytime I've went over to her house in the beginning her boyfriend would always stay in their room and I never really got to meet him cause he just isn't social. Well I met him one time and ever since that time when I go over there he comes out, but when any of our other friends go over he doesn't really want to socialize with them so he tends to stay in their bedroom.

Well about three weeks ago I told my best friend of this dream that I had that involved myself, her, her boyfriend, and two of our other friends. It was not a sexual dream by far. Well she conveyed that to her boyfriend. She told him and made it clear that it was not a sexual dream. Well one night when they were fighting over him going to a strip club and she told him that he could not go because she didn't trust him he said to her 'well it's not like I'm going to go F*** (insert my name here)'. I first assured my best friend that I didn't look at him in that way (and I don't). Then I asked her why he said that and she said that ever since she told him about that dream that he has been infatuated with me she thinks. Well we all went to a fourth of July type of thing that the city puts on each year and I also caught him staring at me a lot at that too.

Last night another friend of mine and myself went over there to visit with her, he was there, well his hair was all messed up and I didn't recognize him and I told him that cause he said hi and I asked who he was (I'm use to seeing him with a cap), so immediately after I said something about his hair he goes and puts his cap on. Well I was leaning against the wall and I caught him walking by and staring at me out of the corner of his eye several times and he made lots of attempts to talk to me. I'm thinking this guy has something for me, but it makes me uncomfortable, any advice would be greatly appreciated please.

I am married and I'm happy with my marriage. I don't get this and I'm not good at reading people, but what I need is some good advice. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

ER,

Welcome to the forum. Let me ask you a question. I know you're happily married, but do you like the attention you recieve from this guy? How does it make you fee?

No, I don't enjoy the attention and it freaks me out. Not only am I afraid that it will cause problems with me and my best friend, I'm afraid that it could cause my husband to get upset and uneasy. We are all friends and it creates a very sticky situation as the topic is implied. I'm not sure what to think about it or how to handle it. I mean maybe I'm just reading too much into it, I've been married so long that I forgot what its like to have a guy lust after you. In my honest opinion I do think this guy has a crush or a fascination with me, but its unwanted and unnecessary. I would like to know how to handle this. I love my best friend dearly and my husband.

ER,

I have no doubt that if this guy has a crush on you, that continued interaction with him will cause all of the the things you are afraid of. My advice is to avoid him like the plague....and that means unfortunately that you'll have to curtail your group activities and see your best friend apart from her home. Even an acknowledgment that you don't like his attention is going to bring attention to it. If he is overt (like makes a real pass at you) you need to reject him soundly....but the best advice I can give you is to avoid the opportunity for that to happen at all. If you do find yourself in a situation where he is around....refuse to make eye contact AT ALL...make a point of treating him as invisible. If you do....you won't "catch" him looking at you and he won't get the idea that you find him fascinating as well. My guess is that his relationship with your friend is nearing the end if his eye is already wandering. When he's out of the picture, you can resume more time with your friend. If she asks why you're avoiding her, simply tell her you "don't like" her boyfriend and that you just don't want to be around him.

Sounds like good advice, but we have a huge birthday party for my daughter coming up, in which he'll be at unfortunately. I've asked my friend to leave him at home, but she just laughed and said 'no he won't want to stay at home when he can go over there and stare at you all day', I didn't think that was funny. I just don't find stuff like that to be humorous and I don't want to hurt my best friend and she won't leave him at home, he goes everywhere with her. This is just going to be a sticky uneasy disasterous situation. Thanks for your advice though.

Distance yourself from him if your uncomfortable. Have your friend meet you at your house.

If he is thinking and acting in a way that makes you uncomfortable your not going to be able to make him change so you can only change how you feel or change/reduce your interaction with him.

Don't talk to him, ignore his looks etc.

Without knowing this other guy or your situation it does sound like this guy has some real social interaction issues. Maybe he's reading your social acceptance of him and friendship as something more.

ER,

So your friend doesn't want to leave him at home? Maybe you need to be clearer. It's your daughter's party right? You have CONTROL of the guest list if you'll take it. Tell her that her boyfriend is NOT invited. Be honest with her, and tell her that this situation is uncomfortable for you and that you want it to end here and now.

ER, if you are happily married as you say then why don't you trust your H(husband) by being honest with him about this situation? Even though your situation is not an infidelity related one, the dishonesty you are showing is very much like that of the WS(wayward spouses) that end up having A(affairs). After all YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD BE YOUR BEST FRIEND, shouldn't he?

Toomuchcoffee,

You have no idea what you're talking about. How you could gather that my H doesn't know my full sitaution is beyond me. He does know it. I'm afraid that deep down it makes him uneasy, which is why I'm really careful going around my best friends place. I hardly go over there anymore, last night I had to because my other friend's vehicle was broken down and she needed to go and pick up some baby aspirin for her small child. I went over there, it was weird, so I left.

Before you go assuming that my H has no clue of whats going on and that I'm dishonest with my H, I'd suggest you lay off the assumptions and whatever else you're doing and pay attention to the topic at hand. I have no problems setting people right when they are way off topic, and you my dear are way off topic. I welcome advice but not by someone that is jumping to conclusions.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">EternalRain:

"No, I don't enjoy the attention and it freaks me out. Not only am I afraid that it will cause problems with me and my best friend, I'm afraid that it could cause my husband to get upset and uneasy.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How am I suppose to read the above, then?

Ask before you make assumptions. Assumption is the mother of all screw ups. Heard that before? If so you should adhere to it. Don't make assumptions that you have no basis to make. When in doubt, ask ask ask!

I asked you a question and you did not answer me.

What that I'm afraid that deep down even though he knows about it, that it makes him uneasy? Is that what you're referring to? If so then there you go. Theres your explanation.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by EternalRain:
<strong>What that I'm afraid that deep down even though he knows about it, that it makes him uneasy? Is that what you're referring to? If so then there you go. Theres your explanation.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You did not convey that when you stated "I'm afraid that it could cause my husband to get upset and uneasy."

I have no time to waste arguing with you, I have a lot of stuff to get done, I wanted advice and starf*sh was nice enough to give me some advice. You on the other hand needed to ask more questions before making assumptions. Just because your wife cheated on you and treated you like an outcast or never shared anything with you, doesn't mean we are all the same. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to plan my daughters birthday party. Starf*sh thankyou for the good advice. You're right I'm in control of the list and the party. I will tell her that she can not bring him and if she does then she will have to leave. Thanks again Star <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Your defensive reaction is very strange considering that you are not doing anything wrong.

Not strange. I just can't stand people like you. You come to the board armed because you try to make something out of nothing. You have had the situation happen to you, so therefor I must be doing the same as your cheating wife right? Sorry I'm not a cheater, I don't thrill into men lusting after me, I needed advice, I did get some really good advice. Star*fish asked me if I delighted in the attention, I said no. Now if I delighted in the attention then that would be alarming, but I do not. I want to simply keep things amicable and I don't want to have to deal with my best friend resenting me because her scummy boyfriend finds me attractive. You need to get a grip.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by EternalRain:
<strong>Not strange. I just can't stand people like you. You come to the board armed because you try to make something out of nothing. You have had the situation happen to you, so therefor I must be doing the same as your cheating wife right? Sorry I'm not a cheater, I don't thrill into men lusting after me, I needed advice, I did get some really good advice. Star*fish asked me if I delighted in the attention, I said no. Now if I delighted in the attention then that would be alarming, but I do not. I want to simply keep things amicable and I don't want to have to deal with my best friend resenting me because her scummy boyfriend finds me attractive. You need to get a grip.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not the one losing my cool.

hey coffeeman don't let the cruel words get to you. seems like someone looking for a scapegoat and you were the one in the line of fire. your advice here has been more helpful to me than you'll ever know. be cool and Bono says don't let the errr people get you down

MJ-OH

I'm actually more puzzled (TMCM scratches his head <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ) by her defensiveness than I am riled up by it. She contradicts herself with her statements and then engages in doing with me that which she loaths others doing with her (making assumptions). I wonder if she is that same way with her H.