The pain that I have been able to cause is unbelievable. The one person that I love more then my own life has had to take the brunt of off my insecurities. Damage has been done in ways that are humanly unforgivable. How do you tell a person that you have hurt like I have that your sorry, and have it mean anything. How do you express to that person that you have make a mistake and pray that they understand that you truly cant think of living one day without them? I have lost my true soul mate. I feel like I am seeking to the bottom of the ocean and that I am the one who tied the weight around my ankle. There is nothing I can do to get out of this hellish hole I have doug so deep. I want to take all his pain away and put it all in me. I want to go back to the rainbow day and the late nigh talks...I want to hold him in my arms and tell him my love for him is greater then anything and that what has been done can not be changed, but with gods grace and love and his undying forgiveness that this we will over come together, that I will never let go that I will hang on till do us part. The lord tells us to protect our heart and he is. Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." I’m praying by the grace of God that we will work out, I know that our faith and love in our lord can and will endure all things. This is going to take time to heal. This I know... Lord here we are begging you for guidance in this all, we pray for your peace over our lives and your unending love and strength to come upon us.

My boyfriend and i have been together for a year and 1/2. We are talking of getting married ( at least we were) Three weeks ago he decided he wanted to take a break and look at the relationship from the outside look at his time alone and what he was missing not having me( to be honest i really didnt understand it all but i was willing to do whatever it took to make him happy) during the whole descussion about taking a break he mentioned possibley wanting to see other people and then we both talked about it and he told me he really didnt mean that and that we were not going to be doing that. I got completly freeked out and totally insecure about the whole situation. So i went online and pretended to be someone else trying to catch his attention. he cought on that it was me and asked me about it. I continued to deny this for 3 weeks aout of total fear that he would walk away from me for hurting him like this and now on top of it lying to him. He pushed away so much and i thought he was done and over with me. ( i was wrong) One of my friends is stationed over in the gulf right now and is comming on soon.This guy also happens to be one of my BF friends/ no colse by any means but they know eachother. I was talking to my F about josh and i being done not telling this guy what i had done just said that i think that my BF is done with me. My F and i continued to talk and talking turned into flirting and saying cute things back and forth. I made the mistake of saying cute things to him that i have only ever said to my BF. Well my BF was not believeing me on the whole email thing about pretending to be someone else so he got into my email and found all the letter from my friend to me and me to him. I was stupid and saved them all. Now my BF is crushed in the worst possible way. This man was trying to build us up and work on us and i cut him off and the knees. I want to be with my BF more then anything i love him so much and he wont believe me he feels so betrayed. What do i do please help how do i get him back!