Sheeesh...I can't make up my mind. It is killing me to think about NC right now. And Lor has told me it is too soon, that I haven't done Plan A long enough. Maybe she is right.

Also, I am going to now focus my strength on getting right with God. I have listened to too many people on the outside who tell me just to let go and move on. I am going to re-read the info on Plan A, but if anyone can give me some good pointers on how to do Plan A effectively without LB'ing and with setting boundaries for myself, please do.

I also would really, really appreciate your prayers for my own change, not just my H's.

Thanks so much! I know I'd be bonkers if I didn't have you all here.

DH,
Have you read SURVIVING THE AFFAIR by Dr. Harley? That's a good place to start with Plan A.

I'm a big book reader, and other books that helped me with Plan A were:

YOUR HUSBAND'S MIDLIFE CRISES by Sally Conway
LOVE LIFE FOR EVERY MARRIED COUPLE by Ed Wheat
HOPE FOR THE SEPARATED by Gary Chapman
HOW TO GET YOUR LOVER BACK by B. Harris
DIVORCE BUSTING by Weiner-Davies

They all have good points, Conway's is probably the easiest read and one of the first I read (pre MB) that gave me some hope, so I think of that one very highly.

I read your answer about your son on your other thread. I asked because if your H is very involved in his son's life, you see him anytime your son has an activity, among the reasons I had trouble with Plan B. Our girls were in softball (different teams, 2-3 games each per week), H coaching...and I didn't want to miss games.

No matter which Plan you choose...the lovebusters--the Angry Outbursts, Disrespectful Judgements especially--need to stop.

If you are speaking with him, you can speak what is on your mind, but in a sensible manner. No begging, recriminations, or yelling.

If he yells, say "Please don't speak to me in that manner. I will hang up/walk away if you continue." And do it.

DH, I'd also recommend finding a counselor. Telephone counseling is offered through this site and I've heard nothing but good about it. I was fortunate that the third local counselor I (H wouldn't go by that point) tried was excellent, in a Christian Counseling group ministry. Actually H & I ran into him yesterday, and it's like meeting a dear friend. H did join me in counseling later, and also went on his own for a time.

You can take a few days to think about whether you want to be in Plan A or B.

You are the one who has to carry it out, all any of us here can do is suggest.

Just no lovebusters to H, even as you are thinking.

Thanks so much, Lor! Your replies have been most helpful. I do have Divorce Busting, and I have ordered Hope for the separated, and His Needs, Her Needs. I am going to buy SAA tomorrow.

I did decide to go back to Plan A. We actually got along very well today. No LB'ing at all for either of us. I had a small sign of hope today. I am moving out of the house I've rented (for a month, lol) and going back to my mom's. Finances are a big problems, and I jumped into the house too soon. Luckily, my landlord is a Christian man, and understands and is being quite cooperative with me. My H and I were talking about where our S will attend school. The school by my mom's is 2 blocks away, yet my S will know no one. The school he would go to if I stayed in my house or moved back with my H is only a 5 minute drive from my mom's and my S will be with his fellow classmates from previous years. My H said that I could use his address for my S to stay in the school where his friends are, and that way I won't have to worry about transferring him later. I took this to mean that he is thinking about me coming home soon. Small sign, but still a good one I think.

As far as counseling, I already am seeing a Christian counsellor. I've only had 2 sessions, but it's a start. And hopefully I will be able to get my H there when he comes out of the fog. If not IC or MC, then he at least needs to do anger management classes. He doesn't know how to controll his temper, just like his father.

But again, thank you so much. I am not feeling so much like my marriage is over, but feeling as if there is still hope.