Hi everyone,here I am after being quiet for some time, working hard and trying to be positive and less bitter and move on...

The news came to me unexpectedly, I know someone is watching over me. And;guess what..My WH is indeed an OM in his own beautiful;well worth- living A!!! The consequences of lying to your own spouse. OW has a live-in boy friend,the man she used to make WH jealous is indeed her live-in,she did not go to Denver in late June,she was in Bali, Indonesia with OM and kids,she had an affair with another man same name as my WH in 95 and that was not her only A,so she is an expert,
too many lies...she used to tell WH that she won't allow any living together before marriage & she won't be a bad example to her girls <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ,and we all know that is just an excuse,her not letting WH know where she resides and to introduce him to the girls were just excuses of WH being "a married man,not divorced" etc to keep him outside of her life,she showed WH her house on the street and let him meet the girls "briefly" in late May03(after 18 months in the A with OW)when our Divorce was about to be in judgment,she made sure he would go through it not because she would leave her "financial institute"(OM)to be with an unstable married man..but to "own" him all to herself and keep lying to WH...WH dismissed the divorce anyway,false NC for two weeks and back with her ever since. I knew from DDay that she is not only a husband snatcher but also a cheap big fat low life liar..but she can captured WH like magic..WH had given up all the goodness he has in his life to be in this crappy A..the A will be 2-year long in Nov. At least my DDay was 0.5 year later,and WH's DDay is still...maybe he knew,maybe he still want to be in his own la la land?? Maybe he thinks he can change OW? OW plays WH like a puppet,let WH lives alone so that she could have her SF from WH at her convenience..I feel for WH but he chose to live his life such destructive way..

I consulted with MIL,she told me just to let WH go,he won't trust me and OW would do anything to lie about the truth. I sent an email to WH just because I thought he should know,maybe not? But I did,I have not seen or spoken to him for a long time,he IS Plan B-ing me,this whole truth will in fact break his heart(?)perhaps he will then learn how much damages he had done to our M and cheated on me,let him taste it all himself. MIL thinks WH knew the truth about OW cheats on WH and her OM,
just that WH chose to have his own selfish pleasure fulfilled. I guess it is really true that the addictive behavior dwells in an alcoholic
even though WH is in 15 years of sobriety...I feel sad and I had done my best. Not sure what to expect and I am not going to say too much just in case WH is reading??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ August 17, 2003, 04:59 PM: Message edited by: wangi ]</small>

Orchid, are you home in SJ or still visiting mama?
I miss to have you around. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Dear Wangi,

Won't be home for a while yet. Will check back with you when I get back.

Sorry to hear about this latest event. Not sure why you think your H is an OM. He is a WS going with a wacko OW. She isn't M so there isn't a BS on her side to make him an OM. If he thinks he is an OM just because there are other guys in the pix, well then he is just one of many cards...... a joker..... not a king of hearts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

The OW you are dealing with is a riot. How much longer does she think she can keep up with this charade? Regardless of her stamina, let her. You take care of Wangi and make youself well. Don't associate with anyone who promotes an A. They are all around where we live so be careful, ok?

take care,
L.
ps: If and when you hear from Blah, tell him..... I hope to hear some good news someday from both of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Aloha Orchid, I know you won't ignore me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I am taking care of me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> ...I think of WH as OM to OW is because he thought he is her ONLY,OK, I will change the topic <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> WH gave me up to be with a low life! And OW cheats on him( don't we all know that she can't be trusted)that is the kind of feeling I want WH to know,to understand,to feel the pain of betrayal and sacrifying the unnecessary esp.a great wife and a grad school he fought for years to get into.
Don't count on it...Blah won't call or ever want to contact me,I am out of his life,at least that is what he decided. That is OK though,each day I learn to be stronger,most of all not to be in their sick game.

Will be back to join the MBers@SF Zoo? Maybe I will see you then. Have fun wherever you are. Hi to K and the boy. A-L-O-H-A!!!!

<small>[ August 11, 2003, 07:03 PM: Message edited by: wangi ]</small>

Hi Wangi,

I hope you're taking care of yourself. Seems like your WH is DEEP in the fog. Just let him sit in it and don't try to clear it for him, it won't work. He'll have to do it himself. Let him find out for himself what a mess he's making of things.

If this is the kind of life he wants let him have it. But sooner or later he's probably gonna realize it's NOT what he wants.

Keep the faith, don't give up, just let it go.

That's what I've done. It's helped me tremendously.

Take care.

Thanks STBXW,I am glad to hear that you are doing well..I am trying to be as positive as can be,
Rushed Fool and I are helping each other to focus on ourselves,we will be going on a trip next week,
we can not wait to get out the FOG CITY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I think I had done all I could to show Blah that an A is destructive but he sees it otherwise
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Just let him be. I guess that is the best way. I guess a lot of times I was just too anxious to feel like family again after he had spent all his energy,money and so forth on the cheater. I miss our time together,being married..
I just wanted to be there to hold him when he is down,when he is being bullied,he never knew how to protect himself,he is quite naive & trusted others easily,I feel for him,but he must learn all himself in a very hard way..I do love my baby you know.

But I must accept that whatever M there was,it is GONE now. Just move on.

Thanks so much for your support,but I do not have any faith in Blah anymore.

You take great care of you too,OK <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

MY WH replied my email I sent him 6 days ago about
his OW's lies that I obtained from a reliable source,he replied as below <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

"WH does not want to resume contact,but WH has a question, how did I know OW went to Bali and not Denver,asked me for proof ONLY then WH will confront OW."

How convenient? Why did he always come to me about her lies? Regardless the truth about her lies,WH continues his A,so why does Bali matter? My WH is in the deepest fog,OW will convince him with more lies and WH seems to enjoy making the biggest part of their happiness come from lies,
after all the A base on deceptions & betrayals. I
assume WH knew about OW's living with Mr.Bob all along and her past affairs,if WH accepted all that,why does Bali or Denver matter?

Can someone help me with his confusion? Or would I even bother? Why can't I just let him BE? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

<small>[ August 16, 2003, 04:48 PM: Message edited by: wangi ]</small>

When you see someone you love acting so stupidly, it's hard not to try and fix their problem for them.

I vote, let him be.

Blah is a guy who doesn't believe in his own loveability.

This affair is a symptom of a much deeper problem, I fear.

He will emerge sooner or later. Leave him be. Rise above the fray.

Poor Blah. He seems like such a good guy, but soooo messed up.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ August 16, 2003, 08:51 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Thanks Pepp,I am happy that you responded,like I said,you are always so cool and positive though I remember you being tough on Blah,he needs that though <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Yeah,I agree,just let him be.

I am going to an island with Rushed Fool next week for a couple of days,we are looking forward to the trip to rejuvenate our hearts and souls that crushed by our WHs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I can only pray that Blah will learn to love himself for he is indeed an intelligent good man (with mess up mind)I hope he will come around before he goes any deeper. I love him that day we were married,I love him more just right before he began his A,now I can't let him know that I still love him though he had done all damages to our M. I believe in him(the ability to become "clean" & to love/believe in himself) Blah's problems can't go away unless he lets them. The A has brought too much damages on himself,probably more than the M.

Thanks again Pepp <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ August 18, 2003, 02:06 PM: Message edited by: wangi ]</small>