I had another talk with my cheating w today,and after she gets caught in lies,and talks in circles,then she says she is losing interest in the marriage. If I let her flirt,cheat,and go where she wants,then she is quiet,but everytime I talk about the guys,and cheating,then she says she is not happy . What should I say to her in our next talk?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MISTERSTEVE:
<strong>What should I say to her in our next talk?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nothing, you caught her in lies, you let her go and take it. Nothing you could say to convince her. You need to go to see IC yourself to examine why you take this craps. The only thing that you should do is draft plan B letter including the list of ammends that are needed in place for you to "trust" her again. Hand it to her the next time you talk to her ...

-rh-

MrS from my experience in having once been married to a multiple cheater for 14 years, I have to tell you that chances are slim to none that anything you tell your WW will have any effect on her but if you want some advice then consider following Michelle Weiner Davis's 180 divorce busting list:

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I Love You".
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show her someone she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic.
23. Do not argue about how she feels (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.

Good luck.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MISTERSTEVE:
<strong>I had another talk with my cheating w today,and after she gets caught in lies,and talks in circles,then she says she is losing interest in the marriage. If I let her flirt,cheat,and go where she wants,then she is quiet,but everytime I talk about the guys,and cheating,then she says she is not happy . What should I say to her in our next talk?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What is there to talk about? You know she lies. You know she cheats. You know she flirts. Why keep badgering her about it? Just accept her how she is or move on.