I am on Plan B, but need advice how to appoach WW about parenting issue.

My WW is leaving my 15 year old daughter alone at night to be with OM!

I have my daughter every other week. On the nights that I have her WW lives at OM apt. I assumed that once school started WW would stay home with D the weeks she had her. WRONG! My D goes straight home from school. Her boyfriends mother didn't think it was a good idea to leave a young girl at home by herself every night. My WW will pick up D from her boyfriends house at 10PM after WW comes from OM apt. then take her home.

I don't think it's right for my WW to dump D on her boyfriend's mother so ww can screw around with OM on the weeks she is supposed to have her. I stay at home with my D when I have her. Somebody's got to show some concern as a parent.

Question: Since WW is in a HEAVY fog, how do I approach her about my taking full custody of my D since WW doesn't want the responsibility of being a parent? Don't know if I should avoid LBing or verbally kick her in the A$$! Also, I don't want D to be at WW's house if the alternative is for WW to stay home with D and invite OM into her home,who is an alcoholic.
WW claims he is not but OMW say he's been a heavy drinker for the 28 years they were married. A mean drunk too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Originally posted by Monty:
I am on Plan B, but need advice how to appoach WW about parenting issue.

My WW is leaving my 15 year old daughter alone at night to be with OM!

I have my daughter every other week. On the nights that I have her WW lives at OM apt. I assumed that once school started WW would stay home with D the weeks she had her. WRONG! My D goes straight home from school. Her boyfriends mother didn't think it was a good idea to leave a young girl at home by herself every night. My WW will pick up D from her boyfriends house at 10PM after WW comes from OM apt. then take her home.

I don't think it's right for my WW to dump D on her boyfriend's mother so ww can screw around with OM on the weeks she is supposed to have her. I stay at home with my D when I have her. Somebody's got to show some concern as a parent.

Question: Since WW is in a HEAVY fog, how do I approach her about my taking full custody of my D since WW doesn't want the responsibility of being a parent? Don't know if I should avoid LBing or verbally kick her in the A$$! Also, I don't want D to be at WW's house if the alternative is for WW to stay home with D and invite OM into her home,who is an alcoholic.
WW claims he is not but OMW say he's been a heavy drinker for the 28 years they were married. A mean drunk too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

P.S. I didn't know daughter was at her boyfriends house until I called to check on my daughter.

Monty,

Your D is 15 y.o. She is old enough to say she doesn't want to stay there and call you to pick her up. Mine is 11 & 14 y.o and OM is living with my ExW and nothing I could do about it. Discuss it with your D first.

Nothing you could do w/ your WW plus you are in plan B.

Taking full custody is the best option but it is an uphill battle. I try and state of CA wants a prove ... 13 y.o drug conviction (possesion) and 14 y.o DUI are not enough ... go figure. The only thing I could sick OM with is not going to be alone with my 2 D ... but who police him ?.

Talk with your D first

-rh-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by redhat:
<strong>Monty,

Talk with your D first

-rh-</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks RH.

Just the fact that D is at boyfriends house every night until 10 pm is proof of neglect by WW.
Also, in many states at age 14 the child can choose which parent to live with. Talk to your atty and then the family court system that handles child welfare and custody issues at the court house.
No way should this be the way your D lives. About LBing? I'd be busting more than that.
D comes first. Wife can go to the sewer with her alcoholic guy.
Your first responsibility is your D's well being and safety.
You already have the witness you need. Also, Judge will take your daughter aside and speak with her. Talk to your D and see what she feels. Of course, getting to stay at her boyfriends is going to look good to a teenager, but is not appropriate either. Too dangerous a situation here.
Get going on the custody issue ASAP.
And quit worrying about upsetting WW. She sure isn't giving her family one iota of consideration and I think you stand an excellent chance of getting full custody with daughters help.
LouLou

Monty,
Your WW’s behaviour is totally unacceptable. Leaving your daughter alone, or exposing her to an alcoholic is just not the way how a 15y old should grow up. How are things on the money side – are you paying her, is she independent? If you have some sway there, I’d simply tell her: don’t leave her alone, if you do, no dosh. If she really got the urge to meet superman whilst your daughter is in her care, then she had to organise for proper supervision (her relatives would be OK I guess) or drop her off at your place.
Even if it’ll be a tough and ugly fight, you need to do it. The well-being of your child is your first and foremost responsibility.
Nick

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nick123:
<strong>Monty,
Your WW’s behaviour is totally unacceptable. Leaving your daughter alone, or exposing her to an alcoholic is just not the way how a 15y old should grow up. How are things on the money side – are you paying her, is she independent? If you have some sway there, I’d simply tell her: don’t leave her alone, if you do, no dosh. If she really got the urge to meet superman whilst your daughter is in her care, then she had to organise for proper supervision (her relatives would be OK I guess) or drop her off at your place.
Even if it’ll be a tough and ugly fight, you need to do it. The well-being of your child is your first and foremost responsibility.
Nick</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nick123:
<strong>Monty,
Your WW’s behaviour is totally unacceptable. Leaving your daughter alone, or exposing her to an alcoholic is just not the way how a 15y old should grow up.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(Sorry, messed up my last post. All replies went away because I dropped out of being logged in.)

I am amazed at the power of the FOG (if that's what it is and not mental disorder). Going from a resposible mother to someone who considers a child an obstruction to there lust.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>How are things on the money side – are you paying her, is she independent? If you have some sway there, I’d simply tell her: don’t leave her alone, if you do, no dosh. If she really got the urge to meet superman whilst your daughter is in her care, then she had to organise for proper supervision (her relatives would be OK I guess) or drop her off at your place.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WW would NEVER do this. She is still sneaking around thinking her affair is secret. I told everyone but I was advised not to tell WW because of LB on Plan B. My D is upset because of her mother's behaviour and has confronted her about it. Didn't change a thing. WW knows that D would not keep it a secret from anyone B/C WW doesn't know it's already out.

WW makes plenty of money and just inherited her mother's house.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Even if it’ll be a tough and ugly fight, you need to do it. The well-being of your child is your first and foremost responsibility.
Nick</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

WW would NEVER do this.
She wouldn't "organise for proper supervision"?

I say unless there is a court order for custody, you get your daughter out of that situation and do not, under any circumstances, alone or with your ws, let her be around the om.

It's not "okay" to be married to one and live with another. This is what she (daughter) is learning.

<small>[ August 20, 2003, 02:54 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>WW would NEVER do this.
She wouldn't "organise for proper supervision"?

I say unless there is a court order for custody, you get your daughter out of that situation and do not, under any circumstances, alone or with your ws, let her be around the om.

It's not "okay" to be married to one and live with another. This is what she (daughter) is learning.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I plan to do this tonight. So far D is not around OM but WW cannot keep away from him, not even one day. I strongly believe if I were to make it an issue about WW not leaving D, WW would stay home and invite OM over, not for the night but to be with him in any capacity. But sneaking off into another room for a quickie is not beyond them.

I see the beauty of Plan B. First priority is to protect my D. Next is to make sure my D feels loved and wanted by at least myself. Last is to make sure my WW gets as much exposure to OM as possible.

WW's behavior w/D is killing any respect I had for her. She seems lost to me.

BTW the mother of my D's boyfriend picks up my D when she is alone and takes care of her on the nights my WW is supposed to have her. She is a stay at home mom. I didn't know this until last night. My D never said. I found out my WW picks her up sometime before 11PM after she has visited OM's apt. There is no way that I will allow my WW to dump my D on another family, just to hide her irresponsibility from me.

DOH!
I misread the earlier posts. I thought your ww was leaving your D alone with OM until 10 PM at night.

I see the beauty of Plan B. First priority is to protect my D. Next is to make sure my D feels loved and wanted by at least myself.
These have nothing to do with Plan B. These are being a good parent.

"So, to avoid an indefinite period of suffering while a wayward spouse vacillates between spouse and lover, and to avoid rewarding the selfish behavior of having needs met by both spouse and lover, if plan A does not work within a reasonable period of time, I recommend plan B.

Plan B is for the betrayed spouse to avoid all contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has completely ended and the wayward spouse has agreed to my plan for recovery." Dr Willard Harley.

Last is to make sure my WW gets as much exposure to OM as possible.
This is what usually happens in Plan B but it is not the goal of Plan B.
Sort of like driving your car to work. You use plenty of gas to do it, but that is not the goal. The goal is to get to work, but using the gas happens.

<small>[ August 20, 2003, 03:42 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>WW would NEVER do this.
She wouldn't "organise for proper supervision"?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In my WW view, our D is very mature for he age (15 1/2) and can be left alone in the house. In this State (Louisiana) you can legally do this if other needs are not neglected. To me though 6 or 7 hours alone can lead to trouble.

Read my last post after you commented on the purpose of Plan B. I did write it badly.

So far Plan B has let me get a grip, feel like I am driving the choo choo now, and am beginning to sleep better and get back a measure of my self esteem. I feel stronger everyday and can now function as a father and at work again. I pray, pray and pray for more courage, strength and wisdom and forgiveness for all involved, including me.

About preserving love for my wife; with what she is doing, I don't know that I can, unless it can be proven that she is mentally ill and not just in the FOG. Too much of her actions are beyond belief. She seems to be giving up everything for OM. Is she happy? Logic would say that she is miserable like any other addict who wants security and happiness but is a slave to the drug. But, I don't know.