Hi everyone it has been a few years since ive been here, and really i should have been coming all along for the emotional therapy many of you have given me.
A brief rundown for those who do not know me.
H had a 3month Long EA with a MW from work. been ATTEMPTING plan A since DDay in Dec 2000 Supposedly no contact with OW since DDay. however many attempted contacts from the OW since then. mosty mind game via email and posing as other people etc.
however none for the past year or so
Yesterday was H and I's 4th wedding anniversary. Every anniversary since his EA. We have fought. i cannot recall the second or 3rd anniversary arguments but yesterday he flipped a giggie because i didnt find a babysitter for our 2 small children so we could go out. Of course he cannot find one cause he works all day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> so we spent our 4th anniversary arguing followed by sex when I apoligized.
not that i really should have had too seeing he didnt even remember it was our anniversary until 5pm.
H claims that I treat him differently since his A. That i am remote and not affectionate.
In a way he is right. I have for the most part recovered from his "screw up" . I do not mention the OW nor do i bring up his A
We are at a point where he has the most freedom he has ever had. I do not complain when he goes to a strip club. Nor do i complain when he goes out wih the guys and comes home late.
I put a tremendous amount of trust in him whereas i did not give him any before during or immediately following his affair.
I do think i have perhaps build some type of emotional barrier around myself and put on a show of empathy. So how i let my WS in again? I will not be hurt again and i will not allow H to stomp on me. I do feel that H has learned his lesson... at leat for the time being. until his remorse wears off and opportunity presents itself. However my thoughts on this could just be me. as i honestly cannot say if H will or will not cheat again.
I will take all input on this emotional rollercoaster i can get. thnks in advance

Are you in enthusiastic agreement when he goes to strip clubs?

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

No i wouldnt call it ethusiastic.... however it doesnt bother me with jealousy like it used to before his EA.

You say you were jealous when he went to strip clubs *before* his EA, but not after. This seems very strange to me. Could you explain a little further?

I'm the one who used to tell my H that I wouldn't mind if he went to a strip bar occasionally, for a bachelor party or guy's night out, because I didn't want him to think his life was over just because he was married. My only conditions were (1) I had to know about it ahead of time, and (2) he was not to touch anything.

He was very happy with this and used to brag to his friends about how trusting and understanding I was. I was sure I was doing the right thing by not keeping him on too short a leash, and that I'd never have to sit home and worry about where he really was and what he was really doing.

I found out not long ago that he spent at least three years, maybe more, hitting strip clubs in Vegas and Ohio and Chicago every time he had a business trip -- and he has plenty of those. In Ohio, his brother knows some of the girls personally so they'd come out and sit at the tables with them. That's all the information I could get. Who knows what else happened?

So I guess I'm asking why you would not object to your husband's going to a place like that when he's already deceived you with an EA. I could see you trusting him before, but now?

psycho b
It seems our feeling on the strip clubs are reversed, I am not sure why I don't care if he goes to one now. I sense this has something to do with the wall i have unconciously build around myself. I'm sure that some of my outlook has to do with plan A which I played on faithfully for 2 years. I know that i wanted H to see that I did in fact trust him by letting him have as much "freedom" as he desired. Even though it bothered me to let him go, I did not show it to him. Now however It is almost as if i welcome the reprieve of him being gone.
When H comes home fromwork all we do is argue and sarcasm reins High in our court. Lately he has absolutely nothing nice to say to me. It isnt as if he picks fights with me but every sentance he speaks is laced with sarcasm and frankly it pisses me off. I asked him about his nastiness with words and he looked at me like i had 2 heads. He doesnt even seem aware that he is doing it. However I feel that If he were to get involved in an A i would never know because i do not babysit him (as h likes to call it).