I can respect the need for me to have NC w/ h. I was hanging on to every word. Just before I went into plan B he asked "how r the kids and how are you doing?" as if he cared. Than just minutes later said he wanted to discuss divorce. The problem is that him asking me how I was doing...was a sign. the smallest thing. Now I'm having this anxiety...this icky anxiety feeling...it's about not knowing. It's about him moving on and not caring. verbalizing this has made me feel a little better.

<small>[ August 22, 2003, 10:52 AM: Message edited by: MYB ]</small>

I'm feeling resentment and I'm feeling stuck. b4 I married this man my life wasn't perfect but it was mine, I didn't have to share it with anyone. I didn't have to be held accountable to anyone but myself now I've got 2 little babies holding on to my leg and needing me for this and for that. And I love my babies, I go into withdrawal without them (h used to hate that) but right now is a time when I need to be by myself and I resent the fact that I don't have that freedom. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

MYB-

My heart goes out to you. I know how hard it is to be a single mom, I would definitely say this is my largest resentment and anger/anxiety over this whole mess!!! Single motherhood is not what we bargained for when having children with our husbands.... we were forming a family/ building/ growing a family.

Sorry your h is acting like a jerk.

Feel free to post until your heart is a little less anxious, it has helped me...

Also, are you taking any meds? I tried some new ones lately and they were a great help. If you go and see a psychiatrist you can describe all your feelings and how they affect you and they can find an appropriate med to help you. You may find yourself calmer if you do this..

Hugs and Hope, Honey

MYB - you had a life b4 you met this guy, and trust me, you will have a life after he buggered off. Create some space for you - without the kids. Just an afternoon a week, for you to pamper yourself, go the hairdresser or some other girlie stuff.
The anxiety will go away when you're ready to move on without him. Until then - continue to plan A.

I'm feeling this way for a lot of reasons. Like not being able to do the things I used to do...not that what I used to do was so extravagent. My h is having all kinds of financial prob. I am to. We usually did together, but together obviously we where able to do a lot more. I'm pissed that the brakes on my car are grinding. And I haven't gotten them fixed this week because I didn't know what type of crap he was going to pull with CS. I'm pissed that he is moving around from house to house - and is trying to set his self up in some type of room situation - and expects that he'll be able to keep the kids there every other weekend. On his last visit I let him take the kids to his new place just 2 short days after he got there. It is with older friends of his family. They don't want h their but kids seem to have an ok time. But the lady of the house def. wants h to move, so why did we even let the kids go there. I know that anything he does at this point is not going to be long term and I'm tired of shiping the kids from place to place just because he's unstable. We could be stable - but no. I just don't understand.

Funny thing is with all this drama the world looks prettier. You know just the grass and the trees. My mind is so gone, that I sometimes just drift off into this feeling of serenity...and it leaves me longing for a get away. where that serenity can be more realistic and enjoyable. Thanks for talking to me. It was almost more enjoyable in Plan A...atleast something was happening sometimes...now it feels like nothing.

<small>[ August 22, 2003, 11:36 AM: Message edited by: MYB ]</small>