I feel like I need to find out where my husband is going to play poker once a week. He refuses to tell me because he doesn't want to be "checked up on." It bothers me.

I have two small children at home and cannot risk following him - I don't want the kids to ask questions or say anything to WH. Does anyone know of a way to bug his car that he won't know about?

Bugging a vehicle can land you in legal hot water if he ever finds out.

A better alternative, if you can afford it, is to hire a P.I. to follow your H on one of his poke her err I mean poker night.

bugging the car probably wont tell you where he is at. The PI is a good idea. If you can't afford one ask a trusted friend to do it for you.

Juan valdez aka tmcm....your Ren quote is classic. Ren definately does not drink decaf

Or if you can't get a friend, why not hire a babysitter on one of his poker nights and you follow him?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by d_rose:

Juan valdez aka tmcm....your Ren quote is classic. Ren definately does not drink decaf.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ah a fellow Ren and Stimpy connoisseur. Here's another one:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If'n you aint the grandaddy of all liars! The little critters of nature... They don't know that they're ugly! That's very funny, a fly marrying a bumblebee! I told you I'd shoot! But you didn't believe me! Why didn't you believe me?!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Bugging someones car is never a good idea. Like Juan says, it can get you in some really hot water that you don't want.

Who does he play poker with? Can you confirm a poker night with one of them?

I guess in my gut I know that it is not a good idea. I just get at my wits end sometimes because he keeps this piece of information from me. I have discussed it with my counselor and he is of the opinion that WH should share his whereabouts with me - purely for safety reasons, if nothing else.

A little background.... WH plays poker with "the guys" almost every Friday. I know first names only. Have never met any of them and they have never called the house to my knowledge (unless WH answers - however, it doesn't seem possible that he would ALWAYS answer and the machine or me would never get the calls). I know the "general vicinity of where two of the guys live, not addresses. Once, about a year ago, I got ahold of a phone number that WH had and looked it up on the internet. It was for one of the "poker guys" so I had his name, phone, and address. WH found it and has resented the fact that I "checked up" on him ever since. That's the supposed motiviator behind his information witholding.

Now, I will say that my gut feeling is that he is actually playing poker with some decent guys. Recepts that he gives me to write in the checkbooks are from places and times I would expect him to be when going to/from poker games. Conversations about things he learned re:fantasy football from some of the poker guys make sense. Phone records from when the A was ongoing indicate that he was NOT with OW during poker times - making me believe that it really is legit. But, there is always that little doubt hanging around in the back of my mind.

Any advice on how to deal with this now that more info is provided?

Thanks, WTW

Check with one of the poker buddies wives. Have her over for coffee for a couple of weeks then later let him see u 2 together before his game.

No threats, no admission. If he asks questions, just say you wanted to get to know her better. He accuses you of spying on him, say.....'wow, what an idea....thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> '.

One of those voice activated recorders may be nice. Do you have a GPS system in your vehicle?

L.

Okay if its an jointly owned vehicle you cannot get in trouble legally just piss him off royally.

May I suggest a better alternative. You can have the vehicle "marked" for satellite tracking. Many PI's do this. Sort of like the global positioning devices used by carmakers--GM's Onstar is along this line.

Once installed it will "track" the vehicle and give precise locations the vehicle has been at and for how long at each location.

Not sure how much a PI charges but I am sure it is not cheap. However it can be left on for an extended period of time so you could literally track movement say for a month.

Key here is the vehicle must be jointly owned for most PI's to do the work....of course they take your word for and don't ask for proof they simple want to eliminate their liability.

The unit itself can be purchased on ebay for around $300 not sure how much to install and how much for the satellite tracking service.

And Juan a/k/a TMCM knows a LOT about hot water since he's always making the java....

I USED to watch Ren and Stimpy but can no longer -- 2 little ones w/big ears, you know?

Have you seen Courage Dog??? Love that one too. Very bizarre.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Have you seen Courage Dog??? Love that one too. Very bizarre."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep I've seen Courage, the cowardly dog and it is indeed a very bizarre toon. I especially love courage's motto "The things I do for love" which could also be the motto for Marriage Builders.

willingtowait, i would be AS MUCH or MORE concerned about his refusal to tell you where he is going. You don't need a P.I. to tell you something is VERY WRONG here. That is as bad as an affair in my mind. It demonstrates a complete lack of respect and commitment to the marriage. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong>willingtowait, i would be AS MUCH or MORE concerned about his refusal to tell you where he is going. You don't need a P.I. to tell you something is VERY WRONG here. That is as bad as an affair in my mind. It demonstrates a complete lack of respect and commitment to the marriage. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree completely. His unwillingness to tell you such information is just wrong. Letting him have his guys nights out is a big thing for you to do already, but for him to keep it a secret, NAH, that's just stupid! What the hell is his point, if he's not trying to hide? For saftey reasons too, as someone pointed out. Especially with 2 young children around. What if something were to happen to you or them??? A good relationship is wide, wide open, as MB will tell you!