<small>[ September 03, 2003, 12:04 AM: Message edited by: alwaysbeenfaithful ]</small>

Why? I am not totally against this but protecting one's rights is important. That includes protecting you and your family's rights also. Do you have a valid reason?

I totally understand your reason and there are search sites that provide some info. Also you can look up records on-line from various government agencies. Not all states release info.

L.

If you used to be a cop, then you know that, legally, NCIC is off limits to anyone but law enforcement personnel for valid law enforcement purposes. (I used to represent a police department! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Brit's Brat/BS-42
STBXH-43
DS-22 months
Status: Filed for divorce on our 3rd Anniverary.

<small>[ September 03, 2003, 12:05 AM: Message edited by: alwaysbeenfaithful ]</small>

PJ,
I have two friends that are cops and asked them the same thing you are thinking about regarding my WW's OM. I even had his license plate #.

They both REFUSED, without hesitation. They were very sympathetic with my situation but I was being selfish. If they got caught it could ruin their careers since there was no LEGAL need to look up OM.

Also, if you were able to obtain NCIC information on the OP why would you even consider showing it to your WS? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Who do you think he would tell first? If the knowledge of what you find is obviously from NCIC YOU could be in a courtroom answering to charges. YOU SHOULD know this! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

You say you have her phone number and first name. Call her and ask for her with a "made up" last name. Maybe she'll correct you and give you her real one.

Once you have her full name do a search on courthouse records. That's public information. A lot of it is available online now. My divorce is.

A rap sheet won't show anything but criminal activity. Adultery isn't one of them. Although I wish it was.

Hope this helps.

Pand,

Try discreetresearch.com

They should be able to get you a name for those phone numbers, and a criminal check, if you so desire, far less expensive than a P.I. And not illegal.

However, having said that, I should also add that if your goal is to find a criminal past for her, thereby convincing your H to end the EMR, you're probably wasting your time and money. As already stated, affairs are not considered criminal activity and won't be recorded on a background check on her.

<small>[ September 03, 2003, 12:07 AM: Message edited by: alwaysbeenfaithful ]</small>

You should be able to get the last name and home address for FREE if the number is listed.

Try: http://www.reversephonedirectory.com/

Type in the area code + phone number under the "reverse" look-up box. If the number is listed, the info should pop up for you.

Also, for cell phone information, try:
http://www.primeris.com/fonefind/

The fonefinder site will tell you which company the cell phone is registered with (at least it works in the US).

~Marie

Funny... I used to be against contacting the OP's Spouse but these days I think differently.

Want to know more about her? Call her husband. He may have better luck calling her off your husband than you have.

if your husband can justify cheating on a wife and 3 kids is a few parking tickets or bad checks going to suddenly make him say OH MY GOD! ??? I doubt it.

Call her, let her know that if you catch her near your husband, catch him calling her or if she tells him you called then you are going to have her followed, wait until she is out having dinner with her husband and then you will surprise your hubby by taking him out to dinner at the same place, sitting at their table while you reveal all to OWH in front of the happy couple.

I may be a mean-spirited pr!ck but I have a feeling that phonecall would get ehr attention PDQ.

I agree with how does/will the info serve YOU??..

sure does keep you focused and obsessing about her...

sure does keep pushing back the fact if your husbands actions are unreasonable...that they are still his...

sure will help alienate you and bring those two closer...

He's not really interested being educated about her by you....

crazy wife... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
lots of fuel and fodder to their fire...of why she is soooo perfect for him...
and you're vindictive and loco...

Pandj..I believe none of these of you as does not anyone else here...but you can not educate a WS about the ills of their OP...

that is good advice....people have tried before you..it will backfire...don't hand them any cement to jusify and rationalize their behavior..

ARK

but have run out of ideas on how to gain access to her B-date, and other info. without calling her husband and asking.
You SHOULD call her husband and tell him what is going on.

would like to know in case she has a rap sheet so I can show my WS shes just a [censored] who has a habit of hopping from married men to the next.
He won't care.
From your husband, "But she's changed. We have all done things in the past we are not proud of."

<small>[ September 03, 2003, 12:11 AM: Message edited by: alwaysbeenfaithful ]</small>

PandJ..

I will take Ark's advice and not proceed in telling anyone.

ooohhh that is not necessarily my advice...
I am open to suggestions/reasons for exposing the affair...

Marriagebuilders believes this is a key element to ending an affair...strip away the veil of secrecy..

I certainly can condone calling the OW/husband...

Just out of curiosity, what were the repercussions (sp.?) from the people who have tried this before me if you don't mind saying?

the repercussions are that you go to your husband...with this information...it speaks about you..
you spending time and energy fussing and meddling what he and she perceives as their business <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

you become a good focus of conversation and feed in too maintaining their relationship..the more meddling and active.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> you are the more they can focus on you....and avoid the reality of pain and hurt they are responsible for..

pandj..
you say you gave a letter and went plan b..
you say you can't do total plan b which I can understand..

BUT what you are exposing yourself to is difficult to understand...

plan b with modifications is "OK"..but I read in your response to terrified
that your Plan B includes commiserating wiht your husband about the other womans PMS...and the effects of PMS on his relatioship....is a little troubling to me...

It is my opinion that to help define yourself..you must set clear limits and boundaries on what is acceptable in your marriage...
AND that if you have given a plan b letter yet continue in such small talk...which is cake eating fog alien painful speak...then where is the validity in YOUR plan B....

He has you both where he wants ya...

What they are doing and saying is not realistic within the confines of marriage and marriage vows..
what they will attempt to do is make the unacceptable acceptable..
AS IF it is normal to discuss with the wife..the ills and stress and effects of PMS on the husbands relationship with his other woman...

NOT NORMAL husband wife speak...
and certainly not if your plan b means anything...

I am not "on your case" pandj...for any other reason...except that I believe that you are taking detours on your own path...that will hurt you in the end...and get you off course from where you want to be..

your husband is ripe for plan b...and you must look long and hard at your involvement in the triangle...and his cake eating....and his attempts to make this normal...

YOu must look at what your payoff is for keeping yourself so exposed to his actions with her...and the pain that it brings you...

ARK

<small>[ September 03, 2003, 12:12 AM: Message edited by: alwaysbeenfaithful ]</small>

I have thought about calling her H., but haven't out of fear of my WS repercussions
What's he gonna do? Have an affair?