hope4future
Member
Member # 16943
posted August 29, 2003 08:25 AM
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While I was still at home, and had the comfort and convience of a regular life, it was easy to flirt and act like a teenager via email and chat and occasionally phone. We could each flatter each other and give each other attention, with no real demands of action...because we knew we couldn't be together 'right now'.
But then it came down to me leaving...that was tougher. There was no way the man who was putting the pressure on me to leave could be there for me when it proved to be confusing for me. If I actually opened up and told him how I felt, I felt better...but he felt worse. Then he withdrew and I felt better enough to sit tight where I was for a little while longer. If he opened up and told me how he was feeling...I felt worse and more pressure.
See how that cycle works?
So then I leave...we get back in contact...and now I'm dealing with all the stuff that comes with being on your own. I get needier...and more than ever I expect that he's going to make everything all better. But of course he doesn't...because then everything would be improper. So I get mad because he chooses how it looks over how I feel. And meanwhile I'm still trying to milk my H for what comfort I can possibly get from him...family time on the weekends and help when I need it. Couldn't call on the OM, you know...that wouldn't 'look right'.
It was a moral dilemma really. I didn't want it to look bad either...yet, it wouldn't look bad if it wasn't...so that meant that whether or not it looked good, I'd still know the truth...as would my friends, since I was honest with them. And there goes that cycle of confusion.
It was an ongoing tormented cycle within a cycle...until the chain broke.
The fact is, both your WW and her OM are in pain right now, and both expect the other to take it away. It will make them edgy and surly. Yea, they'll fight and make up...but it won't bring them closer...it will slowly break them down.
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FWS, H&I seperated for a year
Reconcilliated 2 weeks before DV finalized. HAPPY!!!
31, 1-5yr old Son
Having a perfect partner is an act of effort, not one of chance
It is not our abilities that show what we truly are. It is our choices. - Professor Dumbledore
