Well I'm now past 3 months of NC with my WW. This was her choice. She said she needed time and space. I think she needed me out of the picture so she could work on her affair.

Anyway in recovery we need our WS to stop all contact with other person. So they can get over the affair and focus on the marriage.

So isn't NC a double edge sword for the BS? Giving the WS the chance to get over the marriage and focus on the affair? and even worse when the BS initiates the NC with the BS.

If you were a WS and were placed in NC with your BS what were you thinking? The marriage? or your affair?

I would really like to hear from a WS who initiated NC with there BS? Why did you cut off your BS?

I was working on the affair... Though I didn't initiate N/C... I just offered to move out. It DID make it easier to be available to the OW without the risk or inconvenience of possible intrusion on the part of my W.

There were thoughts of family and guilt that came with that... But it was quelled easily albeit temporarily by a call from the OW.

That's just me. Could only guess what your W is doing. I'd not heard of N/C between spouses here at MB. That's a new one to me. My recollection is that Harely says you and the WS should stick on eachother like glue during her withdrawl period... so if she initiated N/C with you, that's a bit askew to me.

I would have to say she's nuturing an A right now.

-TMD

<small>[ September 05, 2003, 01:58 PM: Message edited by: -TMD ]</small>

Yes, I think she's also left to be with OM. He left his job, wife, friends and moved 500+ miles to be with my WW.

Makes me sick to think that I was worth so little to her in the end. I'm gone from her life and seem forgotten.

I am the BS but speaking from experience your suspicions are sadly right. My WH liked his escapes with his gf's. Although he never stayed away for long I know now that is why he did leave...to be free in fog land. Not until I acutally put him out...boy was he shocked...did NC affect him. Once I started to take control of my life I felt liberated from the limbo he put me in. It is so hard when your spouse is a proud citizen of LaLa Land. During this time you have to try to focus on you as an individual, not a single individual though. Work through the pain as best you can but don't let it consume you.

Your name interested me...a good guy with a licesnce to kill? Is there a subliminal message in there somewhere?

Hang in there.

ayslyne

<small>[ September 05, 2003, 06:49 PM: Message edited by: ayslyne ]</small>

ayslyne,

No there is no message in my name.

I know my WW is at least trying to continue her affair. She acts as though she's doing nothing wrong and it's the resat of the world that doesn't understand. Denial I guess.

She did slip up once in an email and told me she couldn't make me happy until she was happy. And her I though if you were in love you were supose to be happy.

And OM has been sitting on the fence for 3 months now about what he wants and how he feels about his marriage and my WW. He recently told his wife in an angry outburst that she has so much more than him as he and my WW only have each other, no friends and little family support.

It's beginning to sound like there is trouble in fantasy land and they are using each other as emotional crutches.

Only time will tell.

Does she have any idea there will be terms to her coming back? Does she know that it won't be as easy as a phone call to come back? Have you given her a Plan B letter?

Talk about another jolt...knowing that her safety net isn't there anymore...

And how about the exposure...does everyone know what she's doing?

Is this becoming YOUR Plan B, or are you still playing by HER rules?

Does she have any idea there will be terms to her coming back? Does she know that it won't be as easy as a phone call to come back? Have you given her a Plan B letter?

WE DID HAVE A CONVERSATION BEFORE SHE WENT NC THAT THERE NEEDED TO BE CHANGES BY BOTH OF US. I'M MAKING SOME OF MY CHANGES THOUGH SHE HAS NEVER TOLD ME WHAT SHE WAS MISSING.

I DON'T THINK SHE EXPECTS HER SAFETY NET TO BE THERE FOR HER FOREVER. WHEN SHE WENT NC SHE TOLD ME TO MOVE ON. AND SHE HASN'T NEEDED ME IN THE PAST 3 MONTHS AND I'VE GIVEN HER THE SPACE SHE WANTED SO I'M NOT CHASING HER.

And how about the exposure...does everyone know what she's doing?

I DON'T KNOW TO WHAT EXTENT HER FAMILY KNOWS. MY WW SAID THEY KNOW BUT YOU NEVER KNOW. AT THIS POINT SINCE THE AFFAIR SHOWS SIGNS OF BREAKING I'M NOT GOING TO STIR THE POT WITH HER FAMILY. AS FOR THE FEW FRIENDS THAT DON'T KNOW THEY WILL VERY SOON. I'M NO LONGER GOING TO HIDE MY SHAME AND PROTECT MY WW.

Is this becoming YOUR Plan B, or are you still playing by HER rules?

IN A WAY THIS IS BECOMMING PLAN B AS I'M RESPECTING THE SPACE SHE ASKED FOR. SHE KNOWS THAT THERE WILL NOT BE A CHANCE FOR US UNTIL THE OM IS GONE AND WE TALK ABOUT WHAT'S GONE ON BETWEEN US AND WHAT NEEDS TO CHANGE.

I'M VERY MUCH PLAYING BY MY RULES. TIME APART HAS MADE ME MUCH STRONGER.