Here is an update to those who know my story.

My WH moved out of the OW house this Sunday.
Here's the short story:

SATURDAY

OW wants WH to go with her to go buy a bedroom set, WH doesn't want any part of it. (start of the snowball effect) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

OW mad and tells (demands) WH to bring her all our wedding pictures and his wedding ring to her so that they can distroy the pictures and pawn the ring. She says he is holding on to the past. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> WH says NO!

OW mad, WH mad and starts cussing at her and makes her even angrier, she says he's TOTALLY disresecting her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

She asks for her key, he asks for his stuff and she says no, he says she can't have her key.

WH leaves and stays at his moms house that night.

SUNDAY

After waking up, goes to her house and picks up all his stuff and moves back in with his parents house. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Prior to all this, last Wed., we had a long talk about trying to work things out. Says he know what he wants but didn't know how to leave. He says he's glad it happened and it was probably what he needed to leave. He says he's not going back. He says he wants to work things out. I say I need TOTAL HONESTY. He agrees to NC letter, TOTAL HONESTY, and NC.

Well it's been 2 days and he's already having a hard time with NC. I have to admit he is being honest with me about his feelings and if he's talked to her but admits that he's having a really hard time with NC. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Now the real WORK begins! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ September 22, 2003, 11:49 AM: Message edited by: STBXWife ]</small>

I always worry when the OP / spouse break up comes about after a big old fight ..... those same emotions can draw them together to repair the damage of the fight or to have the last word.

The end is near .... and I hope this is the end .... but all I am saying is:

be careful .... this situation is still very unstable and unpredictable.

There is a poster (I think it was Brokenhearted) who's WH hubby was living with the OW (next door!) and the two adulterors had a drunken physical fight one night, WH came crawling back to his wife, and the very next day, the adulterors were making up and sobbing about "I'm soooo sorry."

BE VERY WATCHFUL AND REMAIN CALM

Prayers going up and out for you.

Pep

Thanks Pep!

I am trying to be VERY carful. Really when he told me that he was moving out on Sat. night, I really didn't believe him too much. And he even admitted to me that he tried calling her several times that night to try to reconcile but she never answered.

Sunday he said that even though it was hard for him to leave he did. He says he isn't going back and he knows what he wants and he wants his family back.

I know I have to becareful.

But, this is a good sign right? that it may be ending? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Actions over words and promises.

Make that your motto.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I need some opinions.

How do I handle this.

I don't know if this is real.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by STBXWife:
<strong>I need some opinions.

How do I handle this.

I don't know if this is real.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You don't know if "what" is real?

What is the "this" you're refering to?

Pep

(((((((((((((((((bump))))))))))))))))))))

Ok, I THOUGHT this maybe the begining of our recovery. But, I was wrong.

Even though he says we're "Working things out", I know better and were're not.

He is still at his parent's house. Yesterday night he said he was going out with his "friends". He called as soon as he got out of work last night (11:00 pm)to say not to worry about him and give a kiss to his kids and we hung up. At the time he called, I was half alseep. And something just didn't seem right and when I thought about it, I wondered if the only reason he called was so that I wouldn't call. I thought maybe he turned his phone off. So I called his cell phone, and sure enough it was off. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I feel like it's starting all over again with the lies, the sneeking around, the cheating and the staying out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I'm thinking of going to plan B, my plan A was really good but I think plan b may be needed.

But it's just really hard with two small children. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Advice someone, please!

Patience......right now your emtions are running high.

Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. MOST OF ALL BE PATIENT.

take care,
L.

duplicate post.

<small>[ September 10, 2003, 10:01 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Hi Orchid, thanks for replying.

Orchid, what do you think? Do you have any other advice for me? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Yes, my emotions are running high.

But what do you think about this?

Should I ask him where he was?

Should I ask him if he was with her?

Do I say anything at all?

Do I tell him how I'm feeling about all this?

Someone help! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Know what .... if you ask him where he's going, where he's been, and so forth ... you're going to appear as "trying to control him" ..... or even worse, you're going to be seen as "a parent".

Wouldn't it be better if HE started wondering about YOU?

Leave him out of your loop, and stay away from his.

He has not hit bottom. Stay away from his free fall.

It's difficult .... but you have no control over this.

Turn your concern around and use it for yourself and the kids.

Pep

I say hide the wedding pics and his ring until you're really feeling secure that it's over.
What a nasty mind this woman has not realizing your children would want your pictures when they're grown.
The others gave great advice so I'll leave that to the ones who are less hot tempered than I. LOL
Just protect material things that are important to you by securing them.
LouLou

Ok,
I've asked for our wedding pictures back and he agreed. He said she was being pshycho. Huh, I remember when he use to say that about me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

He also agreed to give me his wedding ring.

So those will be picked up today and put in storage.

I'm trying to be very calm and patient but, IT'S SO HARD. I feel like the end is so close but, just taking an ETERNITY to finally end. And thanks to those who gave me advice about just backing off. Which I plan on doing. I guess I need to continue with my plan A, make him do the work if he wants it.

I just wish the soap opera would end.

STBXWife -

You have a little baby and a small child. Remember that your H loves those children, but also remember that in his confusion he may do things that hurt all three of you. Your focus MUST be on minimizing that damage.

You mentioned that you're considering Plan B. Your signature line says you filed for divorce in June, so I would say that Plan B is rather overdue!

If I may suggest it -- start planning for Plan B. I know it's somewhere between hard and impossible when you have a little baby. And I also know (because it happened to me) that your H's reaction to having time with his kids restricted in any way will be, at best, unpredictable.

So. PLAN for Plan B. Go see your lawyer and talk about the protections you'll need to have in place in order to make sure that you're safe. Your lawyer is paid to see the worst possible outcomes. Explain why you want to do this in terms of protection -- you're seeing instability and don't want to expose the kids to it. Explain to him or her that you want to do this in as calm and low-key a way as possible.

Set up a schedule with your husband BEFORE you go into Plan B. Make sure that it's steady, stable, and in place before you do anything else. And DON'T CHANGE IT just because he acts odd. Your kids do not deserve to be used as pawns in this fight, though lots of people will encourage you to do that. They need both their parents.

Then start writing your Plan B letter. It should be -very- short. Go look at Cerri's Plan B letter guidelines. Keep it really, really simple:

- The standard part from SAA
- The schedule for the kids won't change
- Financial arrangements

You're trying for less than a page, here. And yes, you really can do it in less than a page. What's really important is the planning and execution, not the letter.

Also, figure out ahead of time what you're going to do during the time that he's reacting to this. He -will- react, and his reaction will almost certainly be irrational. So figure out how to be out of the way. NO, you can't answer the phone calls or e-mails. YES, you need to think about what happens when he comes to the house. Can you stay with friends for a few days? Can you have someone else transition the kids for a week or two?

YES, you need to disappear from him and stay dark. But you need to be as supported as you possibly can during this time. You're in real luck -- as a mom with a little baby, there is no one in the world who will say no to you. Ask them for help and support! If you can't leave the house for a few days, have a (female!) friend or family member come to stay with you. And have that person answer the door, the phone, the e-mails, etc.

J or HJK,
I am currently living with my parents. So I'm not alone.

I'm not sure that Plan b is what I need right now. I'm still in Plan a and trying to focus all my energy on me and the kids even though it's really hard sometimes. But I do see some progress on his part. SOME, not a lot.

It's just gonna have to take some time and a lot of patience.

Hey, I mean moving out is something right? He said it took a lot of strenght to do it and he did. Let's just see if he doesn't go back!

Hi STBX.

Well, I found your post over here so now I know what's going on with you. While I think it's a good thing that your WH moved out of OW's house, I am concerned that you are so aware of and have knowledge of the details of their relationship. It looks like to me that they are on some kind of relationship rollercoaster and you are being dragged along. I am concerned for you. Really, how much more can you take? This guy has put you through the ringer. What are you going to do if he comes back? She's always going to be out there. I don't mean to sound negative. I'm really happy for you if it works out, but don't let them suck you into their mess.

DIJ

STBX -

Even if you're not ready to do it, please plan for it. I found that my need to implement Plan B was a nearly-instant thing. When it happened, I had about an hour to get it done. It was a darned good thing that I had already planned for it, and I wish now that I had planned for it a good bit more. Since you don't know exactly when you'll HAVE to do it, it's better to be prepared. Think of it as an emergency backup plan. You hope you'll never have to use it, but you'll sleep better knowing that it's in place if you do.

I'm really glad to hear that you're with your parents. It's important to have the support of someone like this in this time. It's a -crazy- time, and the more support you have, the better.

Hi guys, an update.

Well as of Yesterday/Monday morning I've began plan b.

Major cake eater. I really thought he was ready but, totally wrong.

I gave my MIL my Plan B letter to give to him in a sealed envelope.

Yesterday, kids were going to MIL to spend the day with my WH. Stayed a while and talked to my MIL and FIL. WH wasn't there. SURPRISE!! Wonder where he was, maybe OW house. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Well decided to leave after about 45 mins., gave letter to my MIL to give to him and left. On my way home saw THEM heading towards MIL house. Thought he was going to get dropped off. But when my kids were dropped off last night found out that she was with them all day long! And I've expressed how I feel about her being there with the kids before and have asked him to respect my wishes. I WAS FURIOUS. Called him last night but he wouldn't talk b/c she was with him asked if he got my letter but said no.

Finally called him this morning (I know, I know I'm suppose to have no contact) to let him know that if he wants to see the kids that I'm gonna be around. He appologized for it, like always.

Long story short, told him I was pulling myself out of the triangle. I was tired and he made his choice.

PLAN B STARTS TODAY OFFICIALLY!

I did a really good Plan A, Divorce still going on. Right now, I'm pretty relieved that I don't have to talk to him anymore. I'm done. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />