Lisa,

Read Mimi's post. Your H is cakewalking......he is confused and the OW is walking the LB line.

Your best tactic is to let them have at each other until it breaks. This is hard to do. Your request to have him remove his body probably should continue. Ow's statement about him easily moving in with her is her way of trying to bully you. It has been hard for her and she knows it.

Eventually it won't matter how hard or easy it is for him or her, you will see the need to just make your needs easier to handle. Protecting your love will become priority. When that happens, is when I believe you will see changes on his part. May start with anger but it won't last. Sounds like this A id destined to fail..... and it won't need your help.


L.

Hey there Lisa,

Just wondering hwo you were doing!
Been thinking about you...

Still, Forever and Orchid,

Thank you for all the advice. You are all right and this cant continue. WH has told me he is looking for a room to rent, but I dont believe him. Anyway in the meantime I guess I want to know if I can Plan B while he is still here, or will it be worse for the M. Not that I think anything can make it worse right now.

I told WH not to talk to me if he is still talking to OW. WH sleeps on the couch, and basically I act as if he is not here. He is not here very much at all. I am doing this because I am rapidly losing any feeling of love that I have left for him. I have been seriously thinking why I am still here and why and how I can still care about WH and M. Please let me know if I should be like this until he leaves. I will say since I have told him this and started acting this way with him, I have been emotionally more stable after a week long of fighting, crying, reasoning, and anything else you can think of.

Get him out of the house...as long as he's there he's probably thinking you will weaken.

Find a room for him. Ask relatives if he can stay there. Tell him to stay with OW. He can stay with a friend from work...lots and lots of options.

Go see an attorney...I know you are having financial troubles but most cities have legal aide and most attorney's offer a free initial consultation.

You need to find out if you have any legal recourse to get him out of house.

You know him best what can you use to get him out of the house...can you appeal to him as a father (this can't be good for the kids to witness all this), can you appeal to his guilt (tell him that after all you've been through you really need this)....what can you use to get him out?

Best Wishes!

Lisa , sorry this drama is continuing in this manner and picking up pace with ow # 2 .

DO I think you can PLAN B with him home ? YES

Is it smart , NO
Will it harm your M more ? YES

IS it good for you ? NO
FOR your kids ? NO

TALKING , REASONING , Crying , even caring or being nice when you can .......

HE CAN"T SEE IT OR HEAR IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE is in FOG , scared, alien plain and out right mentally chalanged !!!!!

I don't want to be hard on him or you , and I know PLAN B is SCARY to say the least .

HE is not making any decicions at all he wafels around confused and changred his mind every second of every day and in the mean time he is making you feel the same way .

There is no way to stay leavel headed with him in your face .

THE very first time I through my H out was for that resaon , He walked around depressed , then nasty ect. all because he couldn't make up his mind . WELL I couldn't live through that any more .

I demanded (not a good thing ) but did it .

Told him to get it right or get the FU@# out .

work ON THE M now or leave that fprced him into going . NO I didn't know about MB at the time but I knew I was going crazy all the highs and lows .

I would ignore, then I would fight , then cry , then beg.

NONE of it worked until he left , until he had OW full time and had to come in and out to pick up his kids and have a schedule .

THEY pay no attention to the kids when there home but reality sinks in when there OUT !

I have been down the raod your on , and I know that you are where that I didn't gotr to PLAN B when the last episode hit , but for me that was a differnt time in the hole rollercoaster .

I don't think I would have gotten to that place or to recovery now if I had never at any time thrown him out .

PLAN B well your thinking what happens if he likes it and we get Divorced out of sight out of mind ?

YES that can happen , BUT think of this , is this a M now ? I mean people do have M while there H see Other People , but is that what you want .

OR better yet what kind of M do you want ? WAS it all you wanted before the A ? What where the issues pre-A ? DID you figure then out yet ?

IF not then PLAN A is not going to help .

HOW is IC going for him ? ARE you still going to MC ?

I don't preach to know the best solution to your problem , I can't nor can anyone else TELL you what to do .

BUT he is not responding to any in home method , a day here or there is not a response .

If some times he notices change in you or gets alittle scared of making the wrong choice , just imagine how much more he would respond if he wasn't there at all .

Stay away from talking to OW 1 or 2 , if they call you just tell them , you can have him , I don't know why he isn't leaving I asked him to several times and hang up !

THEY are sneaky and are liers so don't buy into any of it . OW telling you that she can take him in but won't cause he should be on his own , THATS a real B!TCH (JMVHO) she wants you to think she is not pressuring him ..

BUT I'll bet ya , she is . she doesn't want you to think poorly of her or make herself look like she is helping to interfear in your M .

NOTHING but a PILE of [censored] comeing out her mouth .

OK I am done , PLEASE take care of you !!!!

YOU are a good person and are worthy of good things and better treatment .

Lisa...

what about some serious 180's...serious serious serious 180's?????

What about dropping all relationship talk...
being as happy and upbeat as you can be...
but without really engaging him..

go out a lot...no need to divulge much...remember Carol KHs post about sitting at the local conveniance store drinking coffee...what about the book store...you can just hang out...read books like..
MEN ARE JERKS by ARK <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> just Kidding...I LOVE MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

put music on in the kitchen...sing in the back ground...engage with the children..dance around happy.....make sugar cookies and a have a decorating fest...

Create the illusion YOU have found something else out there...that fullfills those needs (just like his OW).....gaggggggggg
fill the house with love, and laughter...and let him hang himself on the fringe...
mr.idon'tthingthisisgoingtowork....

show him what he is choosing to walk away from while he toys with OW #1 and 2...God the trivializing of so many peoples emotions and pain makes me sick...
and don't even get me started on the kids...

have a friend call you when he's there...be upbeat and take the call in the other room...mysteriously!!!!!!!!!!

Get his attention by appearing you are sooooooo over his drama....

go out out out out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

up up and away...
go to he movies yourself....

babble back...
hope your apartment has lots of bedrooms for when the kids come to stay.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

They both feel free to e-mail my husband into my home.
ask them to tell your husband the next time they talk to him that the kids need some more money...and if he could send some home it would be greatly appreciated.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> OK don't do that...just a fantasy...

don't let him not be there...tell him you need to him watch the kids these dates and times ...and go...look as great as you can...and be happy to get outta there....

I'm begining to babble just thinking about your husband...

ARK

Ark...

That was great, it made me smile. I have been acting as if he doesnt exist but not acting happy. I think that will change. I guess I can still act as though he is not here. I havent talked to him in 2 days now, and I feel pretty good. I am just letting him have is own life.

My WH spouse works in the morning and is home by 1:00pm and then leaves again about 330pm. This morning was great, I had made plans to get together with my girlfriend and the kids. See I dont tell WH any of my plans anymore, and I try my darnest not to be home when he is even if I just go to my parents for the afternoon. Well anyway back to this morning, the phone rang and I was changing one of the babies. It was my girlfriend on the answering machine asking if I was still coming over today and to call her back. WH was standing right by the phone and mumbled "Guess you are not gonna be home this afternoon again." I had no response. He said goodbye to the kids and said "Daddy wont see you this afternoon." My 3yr old son said "yeah we are going to Mommy's friend house." I just thought that was great.

Yes I did read Carols post and it was quite amazing. I think I will wake up tomorrow with a smile on my face so WH can see it while he sleeps on the friggin couch <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

3,

Thanks for posting and I am happy for you..I think about you alot and hope I too will be there some day. You are exactly right I am afraid Out of sight out of mind, especially if OW is fulfilling his needs. Although he insists she doesnt and he does not know why he cant stop. I really dont ask about WH's IC and he doesnt offer very much info. Yes we are still going to MC. Mc is very worried about me and periodically sees me alone. He has also told me how he admires me for my perserverence (sp). I got a paper today and if he wont find a room then I will.

I also called my accountant today and have an appt. next week. I have so many things to figure out and have been doing nothing...so not me. I am really tired of myself right now and realize I am the only one that can take control and protect my family. Right now it is a matter of survival..with or without him. I have been also sending out resumes everyday and have gone on afew interveiws..hopefully I will find something soon.

As far as WH moods..when I dont answer his questions he gets mad and then he mopes around the house.(that is when he is home which is rare). We have no contact while he is working..this way he has got plenty of time to talk to OW..let her get on his nerves. Like you said let her pressure and hound him..not me anymore. Talk to you later.

L

Hi Lisa...sounds as if you are getting stronger! I am so happy to hear that you have a plan! I like the idea about pretending to be happy...that'll be sure to freak him out.

hi ,well it sounds like your sitting on that fence of I am stong , but dought myself sometimes.

We all know that feeling of beig feed up with ourselves knowing we need to be tougher wake up and say we will today then , some how you start to think again and dought yourself .

First take a look at you , you are strong , you do know what you want and don't want .

The answer is in you it will come day by day .

Got that news paper , now sit down when he is not home and circle the rooms for rent for him . Then leave it on his new bed (couch)LOL

Wake up that day and leave again , no convo about it if he says anything just say I thought you might need some help and by the way the luagage is in the what ever room . Nice not nasty , just helpful .

You can do this and it will be better when he is out , there will be a sense of calm .

No more wondeing , he knows you love him and want a M , just not one with a mistress involved .

Thats just the facts, and I may get flamed but I am into the game playing thing . Remeber in the beging it don't get to them cause they think its a game , but the longer you do it the more he will dought himself . He will wonder would she do what I do , is it possiable . OR he may just relize you could if you wanted to .

BE well and feel free to give a shout , thinking of you .