Yesterday, 2 year seperation anniversary... I am better today.. I sank into a bit of a tizzy and depression yesteray and I am pulling out of today.

I still long to know the truth about what he did.

I have come to believe my best chance at knowing is possibly.. Letting Go, and working on making things a nicer environment for reconciling, which is when things get better, and then he might one day confess...

Without TRuth... I feel I will not be OK. I know he is lying about things. His version of truth is not ok with me. He gets backed in a corner and starts spouting off stories that are ridicuous when I want TRUTH, and it even happened yesterday.

Yes, he is still drinking.

I even thought about calling Ms. OW yesterday in search of Truth, would that work... NO!!! I know it.

Any help !

I know better, but am I sick of this.. YES!

OK, I am letting go, I am letting go, I letting go.

I am going to alanon again now. I am getting a new sponsor.... My purse is filling up with phone numbers from alanon meetings... I am getting support...

I have changed childcare options which were not working for me which has empowered me some this week... it was my parents which were judging and controling me... and that is helping... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .... thank the Lord!

OK gotta go to the meeting... the next step willl possibly be some job and maybe some living situations... I have lost 22 pounds... I am standing up to Him... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am acting more like me... I do cower at times... ;(

I do at times wish for my alcholic husband to take care of me which is a fantasy because he blames all his life problems on me, and in reality I was taking care of him and it has now over whelmed me... ;( because I let it... and I had an injury and I let this affair and all the verbal insults put downs.. fat... I gained the weight and the depression over my high school sweet heart cheating with some office thing... and lying to me over and over again... break my heart.... ;(

Anyway gotta go to the meeting, I may never know the truth and it drives me insane, and he says it is all my fault...

thanks for being here... the truth may never be told to me by him and divorce may well be the answer because I cannot be married to a man who will lie to me.

H

<small>[ September 19, 2003, 10:01 AM: Message edited by: Honey ]</small>

Honey,
If you distance yourself from H, his lies and avoidance won't drive you insane.

(and you used H's name in your post, did you mean to? For awhile you asked us not to...)

I think you are coming to some decisions, read your post over. You have some powerful "I" declarations in it.

{{{{{{{{{Honey}}}}}}}}}}}}

Honey - I honestly think that the WS tells so many lies that we will never know the truth - I find myself still going crazy from wondering what and why truly happened - But we are never going to know - so we have to find a way to live with it... Even if he told me the truth I am not sure I would believe it... And I don't think that you believe much that comes out of your husbands mouth either... Again you are really hurt and it is sad - what these people have done to us... But we cannot let them win - we need to move on with our lives and be happy - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> -- You cannot control him - you can only control yourself...

Honey,

You're sounding great! You're taking steps in the right direction. Let go...let go...let go...!

You're talking about finishing your law degree, obviously feeling better about yourself with weight loss 22 lbs!!! That's impressive

You're too BUSY to worry about WH anymore! You've got your whole life in front of you. Take flight, soar!! You're ready! Blessings CSue

WOW-

For those of you who know my story.. my h actually made a real turning point with the sf department, he now says I should just assume he did.... he has admitted to certain acts just not the real sf.. if you know what I mean... so now we are progressing, he still doesn't want to talk much, but it is a baby step! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

WHOOO HOOO! I feel better!

Thanks for being here.... some of those stories you guys shared helped... I passed some on to him....

Thanks, H

Lor,

Thanks, I did remove the name, oops slip...

I do feel better! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I did reread, and I do appreciate your support as well as others here... gotta get some work done and not veg this am, as I have car issues during lunch, and maybe another alanon mting <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> boy do those help me understand my role in an alcoholic marriage and my alcoholic h lately! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks, H