My WH and I are headed for a separation the beginning of October. Last night he said two things that stood out.

1. In response to us talking about being physical and intimate with each other (we really haven't been since DDay): "I feel like I'm cheating on OW."

2. Reason he wants a separation: "So I can see if I can convince myself that I would be content being married to you."

This stuff just cuts to the bone. I just wonder sometimes why I'm bothering. OW is in another state and WH has said he will "almost definitely" see her again (they haven't seen each other since the end of July).

I was just curious if any other BSs had heard these kinds of statements.

T,

Me and my WH are also heading toward seperation. His reasons for it in July when we first started to talk about it were:

1. I want to miss you.
2. I want to hear a song that reminds me of you and I want it to hurt so bad
3. I want cry because we are apart and I want to call you up and ask you out and I want you to tell me to F&^k off.

Now after deciding this is what we should do in July..WH is still here and still having A. And now he says because he doesnt want to be at each other constantly and he doesnt want to see me crying anymore. I guess if he doesnt see he will feel better. Doesnt mean those feelings for me are going to go away. BTW its has been 7 months since D-Day and their A is about a 1yr old.

L

How about this one.

"What I like about (OM) is he is so much like you."

and

"He loves me because I am so much like his wife."
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

We may be headed to separation (Plan B) pretty soon, too. WS hasn't said those things, yet, but I know how his mind works. I KNOW he would feel he is cheating on OW if we made love. He has no clue what would be needed for me to resume relations with him.
WS is asking for a week 'away' to think things through, also. I can believe he has honest intentions and said he would not contact OW if I ask, etc. But in my heart, I know he will not 'miss' me and I don't see how a week away will help our relationship.
Just yesterday, I was asking myself the same thing. I'm fighting so hard for this M, but do I even want it?

LBC - My H had a conference he was attending in San Diego this past July. I was going to go with him and we were going to make a vacation out of it. After DDay (June) he started saying that maybe he should go by himself so he could sort things out. I finally relented. Turns out OW met him there and they spent a week in sunny CA. He promised me left and right before he left that he wasn't meeting her there, that she wasn't going to be there.

I'm not saying your H is going off to meet OW, but I thought I would throw my experience with "a week away to think about things" out there.

Trying.

Yeah, I know time away is a red flag. That's why I nixed it when he asked a month ago. But he pretty much has free reign to see her here. He sees her 2-3 times a week. He doesn't exactly have to sneak around.

WS has actually been asking for this time even before PA began and knowing WS, it's very important that he think I'm on his side.

Like I say, I believe his intentions are good, but I told him it's going to be hard to resist at least calling her. He says she will not meet or call him if he asks. (He's very proud of the fact that he chooses women -- he's had many relationships in the past -- who are "good-hearted".)

I will ask for all sorts of conditions for this week. IC thought it might be a good idea, too. I'm at the end of my rope and if I even suspect anything, that will be the last straw for me. (I just thought of something -- I will try to call/see her at work to make sure she is there.)

I don't know how you could be living with your spouse if he/she is seeing other person. I know I couldn't and W moved in with OM. Its been tough, but I think it would have been tougher if I had to face her every day. Anyway, I'm in plan B and I feel alot less emotional. I have really no advice here. Just my own story. WW said all kinds of things-fog talk... Don't believe anything they say. I don't anymore. It hurts too much. I'm going along with that saying, If you love someone let them go, if its meant to be, they'll come back... If my W doesn't come back, well, I know at least I can go on without her. Besides, all I've learned will do me good in another relationship if it leads to that. I'm not saying I'll go that route any time soon... I've committed myself for the long haul... Good luck with your WS's...

Read my topic WHAT I LEARNED.

It's all a part of the WS Script. My WS said all of those things or worse to me before leaving. Now he is back at home.

Hang in there.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lost-without-her:
<strong>I don't know how you could be living with your spouse if he/she is seeing other person</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Crazy, huh? But that's what Plan A is. They say we are supposed to go against our instincts at this time. Though I feel kinda okay, I know he will see her today. I've been told not to go to Plan B too fast. We BS', have more control over the situation if WS is still at home. Not sure how long I can do this. If I can't do a good Plan A, I will have to go to Plan B. Good luck to you!

LBC:

Trust me in believing in the importance of a GOOD PLAN A.

I would know when he would be seeing her too. In fact, he would leave for the whole weekend. I would cry my heart out and vent on this Forum.

I did not think what I was doing was working. However, in the long run, the PLAN A did matter and make a big difference.

We will be here for you.

Hang in there.