How do you assuage loneliness when you are unhappily married?

I just don't know where to go. My H and I have started MC, but it will be a long time before I will consider him a friend. My family of origin is disgusted with me for continuing to expose our children to an "unindited criminal." My children need me -- they don't need me to need them. I chat with other stay-at-home mothers of young children, but I can't confide in them about my problems because our M is in such bad shape. I don't belong in a divorced group, and the women's shelter had women who seemed to be "men haters".

MB is a place where I can e-mail others, but that is not the same thing as being with others. I feel like I'm running myself like a car with a flat tire: how much longer can this last?

What do you do?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I just don't know where to go. My H and I have started MC, but it will be a long time before I will consider him a friend. My family of origin is disgusted with me for continuing to expose our children to an "unindited criminal." </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">bh and arm:
I have seen your posts a number of times but don't quite know you sitch. But I have a few questions.

- Is you H frequently violent and are you afraid of him.

- If he isn't normally violent, I assume it was a heat of the moment act of violence that broke your arm. Has he shown remorse to you and your family that he did this to you?

If your H isn't remorsful and has a desire to make you happy, it will be hard to ever consider him a friend. I don't like people who hurt me emotionally, mentally or physically.

ALANON was recommended to me by my cousin who went there when dealing with her violent XH. She still goes. She wanted me to go because of dealing with separation and a W committing adutery.

I didn't go because I had many supportive friends and family who listened to me on end until I started to feel better. But I would have gone if I had nowhere else to turn. My cousin went because she was to embarrassed to share her problems with family or friends.

Clergy can help steer you to groups who will help you and give you the understanding and confort you need instead of just involving you in spouse bashing.

Monty,
He doesn't seem to have a desire to make me happy. When my IC asked me to ask him if he wants to seek happiness in and through the M, the focus of his reply was on golf. I can't golf.

I do think people can change. MC is giving the both of us an opportunity to show how much we are willing to change to make the M work.

I may want to look into some sort of a support group. Thanks for the suggestion. My H isn't alcoholic, the battered women's shelter group wasn't for me, I'm not sure where to go...

<small>[ September 17, 2003, 04:46 PM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>

Your looking for a special box to place yourself in and I can say you are in the ABUSED PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY BY YOUR HUSBAND! Women in shelter don't hate men, they hate the ABUSE and dislike the part of men that ABUSE.

You have been so emotionally beat down that you make your abuse sound as if it is nothing serious, like it's a paper cut or something. We all know that your husband needs help but so do you and your children. You all need counseling. you need counseling for your self esteem to love yourself more than you love him. You can say you love yourself but to put up with being beat on is not self love it is self hate! Maybe it stems from childhood, maybe it stems from not having the proper tools to deal with such an emotional traumatic relationship but never the less you do need counseling and your children will need counseling too. Please don't say that the kids don't know. THEY KNOW! And they will learn to think that this is NORMAL for MARRIAGE. IT IS NOT NORMAL and they may repeat the patterns when they are adults. Please don't let that happen. Show them that you are a strong woman who knows when VIOLENCE IS NOT RIGHT!

Hi Broken Heart,

I've never posted to you, but I've read a bit about your situation. I'm sorry for all you've gone through... Have you ever heard of CoDA

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and fulfilling relationships. We gather together to support and share with each other in a journey of self-discovery -- learning to love the self. Living the program allows each of us to become increasingly honest with ourselves about our personal histories and our own codependent behaviors. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">www.codependents.org

{{{{BHAA}}}}} - Dru