Wife moved out 7/31/03. She wanted to have the kids half of the week and I have them the other half and we split the weekends. I convinced her that this was not the best for them because it would confuse their social life as far as going to a different church every other week, so forth and so on. So she agreed to have them Monday after school to Friday morning before school and I have them Friday evening to Monday morning. Now if you think about it, this shows where her mind is. During the week, the children are at school. She picks them up around 6pm and by 8 or 9 they are in bed (they are 8 and 4). She spends no time with her children, but look at this, she has the entire weekend to herself to do whatever it is she was not able to do living with a family. Yet, she claims she loves her children and wants what's best for them. Anyway, she has moved out. She has a little rinky dink apartment. The children pray for her to come back home every night, in her presence (I talk to them every night and morning they are with her and we all pray together on the phone). I took them on a vacation to Orlando in August for a week (she did not want to go). As a family, me and the kids do far more now than we ever did (I know I have been to concerned with work before, but now that she has moved I am careful to spend much more quality time with the children). Every weekend we do something different. I arrange songs for the children and they are starting to perform at the local churches (they are really good too).
But what can I expect from her? I am sure she is with the man that broke up the marriage in the first place. He came on the scene in February and has been sexing her ever since. My assumption is that she could not stand living with me and the children any more while secretly seeing this man, so she hurt me and her children by just leaving. When I think about it, life is better now. I could not take her hiding her purse, her cell phone, sleeping in the other bed, ignoring me, giving me bad looks for no reason any longer. Even though I am sad that she is gone and I only see my children on the weekends, life is better for me. But again, what can I expect from her? You think she will realize how wrong she was? Even if she does, would she have the audacity to try to make amends and come back? She literally brutalized me. Every hurtful thing your mind can think up, she said to me. From, "If I stay with you I will only cheat on you" to "I will never love you again". After you torch your bridges, how can you come back? But I feel she will never realize what she has done, the pain she has caused, not only me, forget me, but her dear children. My 4yr old daughter made a comment how she was upset with her brother so she wanted her own place so she'll be happy like mommy. Ooohhhh, I had to correct that QUICKLY. I explained to her that running is not a solution to any problem and family ties must be stronger than that. You don't leave your family because you are upset today. Then I sent her mother an email telling her what she is teaching her child.
Her mother does not even speak to me...at all. when I call, they answer the phone. When she calls them and I answer, she just asks for them. Her boyfriend must be regulating.

Solon
I am sorry for the pain and frustration you are going through. I know of it myself, I have been doing everything I can do, some of it badly, but haven't got the desired results either. Maybe it is just too soon. I have searched out some of you past posts in April. You have been dealing with this problem for a while. I will give you my unqualified impressions.

I know you feel hurt, as all of us do in this sitch, but I also think you are very angry too because your W doesn't respond in the way that you expected her to. As many have pointed out, this is the fog. I think this is not a happy woman, judging by her actions, illogical thinking and insults, I think she is angry too. She doesn't seem to be enjoying the affair so much as taking refuge in it.

You seem to be communicating your hurt and displeasure with her so much that's mostly what comes across. Reading your posts about what you have written to her, you are saying in so many words that she is a bad person and really screwed up. If it were me receiving that kind of message, I would want to get as far away from to one who said it as possible. Why come back and get it first hand all the time?

Her anger is a defense against your attacks on her character. In writing this to you, I have helped myself realize that I have been doing similar things. It's natural to want to react to hurt this way. I sugar coated it a little more, but the same message was there. What woman would want this kind of treatment? You and I must be kinder and stronger than that. We must be something pleasant and loving that our WW will miss and want to come back too.

Pray for strength and courage to forgive her and peace for yourself. Work on improving your yourself and your life for yourself and your kids. Let your wife see a kind, strong, confident and benevolent you. I don't mean be a door mat, just quit dumping and try to be more understanding. Hate the act, not the woman.

What's good for me is good for you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

God Bless and Good Fortune

Monty,
thank you very much for those words. I am hurting; terribly. Not only have I gone through so much, too much, and now having to see my children suffer. I would never understand how she could hurt them for her own satisfaction. But like you said, with me attacking her character she will never come to reconcile even if she wanted to.

I will pray for just what you suggested: for this pain and anger and hate to subside and for me to focus on what has taken place and not on her, on who has influenced her.

Thank you again...and say a prayer for me as I will you.

Solon-
One thought I had as I read your post - on the surface this looks like she has the best situation. She has the kids throughout the week with weekends free to party.
BUT I can tell you getting kids up, dressed, fed, and off to school, then back home in the evening doing homework, getting ready for tomorrow and off to bed (while the kids are no doubt asking her when she is going to move back home) is not going to help her A any. In fact, I would imagine that she is not in a very good mood by Friday night.
My WH moved out June 25, and the times I most resent him being gone is in the middle of the week when I have to get up and get the kids ready by myself. I have mine on the weekends too because my H has lost his mind and doesn't seem to make time for them on the weeekends either. But I enjoy weekends with them way more than the middle of the week. Sounds like you made a good deision about that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Womanoffaith,
I do enjoy the weekends with the children. We do SO much together and any day I have off, I am sure to pick them up and spend the day with them. She doesn't mind at all.
From the outside, it seems as though she is just happy in her affair and the less time she spends with her children the better. I don't know. I do know that for some reason she hates me so much she cannot even speak to me.
It hurts knowing she does not care how much she has hurt me.
It hurts knowing she is with someone else.
It hurts seeing my children hurt.
It hurts not having my children with me at all times.
It hurts not having my family...my family together.
No matter how much I may get "used" to it, no matter now the children may get accustomed to it, life will never be the way it should have been.
It hurts knowing that.