I know that I haven't posted in awhile. I don't really know why. I wanted to drop a line and tell all of my MBer friends that I am still alive. I see that there are a lot of new faces here and I am both glade and sad to see that. I am glade because they have come to the right place and sad because of the need to come here.

I have kind of moved forward since I last posted. I have delivered instructions to my lawyer to complete the D process. I don't want to give up on my family, but I also have to look out for the legal and financial health for both the kids and I. I am not really looking to destroy my WW, but hold her accountable for the things that have transpired over the last 3 years. I still don't really talk to her except when I have to and that is only when it is about the kids. I just feel that this is a good boundary for and my emotional health. I hope that in the future I will be better able to handle talking to her because I know that this will get worse before it gets better. I just hope that I am going about it in the right way.

Indy

<small>[ September 18, 2003, 11:09 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Hi Indy,

Good to see you posting. Could really use your help ya know!!!

There are a lot of new faces around here. It is sad to know this A epidemic is still running rampid in the world. Big city, country....rich, poor, color, height, doesn't matter, this stuff hits anywhere, anyplace and anytime. It is never a good thing.

Still it is nice when we can lend a hand. I know you have been working hard but am sure glad to see you posting.

Keep in touch, ok?

L.

Hey U,

How are you doing? Did you get the picture of the cabin in Tahoe? The price is right and the view is awesome but..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

Orchid,

No, I didn't get the picture. Our servers have been down because of the storms on the East Coast. I don't know when they will be back up again.

I am currently going throught boxes and it is hashing up everything like it was back when this started. So, needless to say I am having a rough time right now. How are you and the family doing today?

Indy

Indy,
Great to read an update on you. I must apologize I have not posted on MB for a very long time. I have been lurking ( yes, rude.....I know) and trying to catch up on some of the posters I have met. So many new ones and soooooo much reading. I agree with Orchid on it still being such an epidemic. You seem to be doing well Indy and that's good to read. Please stay in touch and let us know how it's all going.

Hi Neesha,

It is good to hear from you. It has been a long time. I have also lurked for the last few months. I really didn't think that I was in a place where I could have helped people. How have things been for you?

Indy

Indy,
It's going very well for me. I work long hours, made nice friends. I still live in WS's father's home with his sister and my brother. Do not see WS at all, and if what I hear about him (which is not much at all) he still has his head up his @$$ but not with the MOW anymore. Blames me for ruining his life....blah, blah, blah. Oh well, I am in a much better place mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I did however thank him for what he did for me, not in the way he did it.......but I did get a healthier "ME" back from the whole disgusting and painful ordeal. You know, does it not seem we are better off on all levels of recovery than they are??? I know he has not changed from within, still blaming others for his misfortunes in life?? Maybe that's what separates the BSs and WSs?? You think?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Indy,

We are doing ok. Getting ready to join the MBers in the city to play 'virtual bowling'???? This 'ol gal has no clue - LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Call my cell around 4pm so you can say hi to the gang, ok?

See ya,
L.
ps: guess you will just have to wait 'til they fix your servers to see that lovely vacation cabin.....in the sky! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Neesha,

It is good to hear that you are doing well. I don't think I could live in my FIL's house If I were you. You are right about WSs. They are so shortsighted that they can't really see were things are wrong. That is because they don't want to face the truth about there actions.

Orchid,

I got the emails that you sent me, but I can't open them at work and I will try and open them tonight at home.

Everyone,

I got a message from my WW last night. She asked about picking the kids up for her visitation on Tuesday. I don't really have any problems with that it is just what came next. My son told her about a medical issue that he has had for sometime that I taking care of. This medical condition has been around since before she left, and to make it worse she had authorization from our doctor to get it looked at by a specialist. She never took him to the specialist and it fell on my shouldhers two years later. She said that she had questions about it. How can she have the nerve to ask me to talk to her about this. She didn't take care of it when she was around. I just can't believe it. I have a letter for her and I plan on giving it to her on Tuesday when she visits with the kids. I just don't know how I am going to handle it if she tries to make problems. Part of me really wants me to let her hear about the fact that she didn't take care of it when she had the chance and that she really doesn't need to worry because I have it handled. Man, I am really mad about that.

Indy

<small>[ September 22, 2003, 12:30 PM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

<small>[ September 24, 2003, 07:09 PM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Everyone,

I took my son to his medical appointment and everything turned out fine. There wasn't any problems from him having to wait a little under 3 yrs for treatment.

I am looking at moving in Jan to my next duty station and I have yet to tell the WS. I finally told the kids lastnight and it broke my heart to see their reactions to the news. They both started crying and said that it would mean that they couldn't see their mother as much. I told them that was true, but they would stay with my parents until the school year is over so they would get to see mom regularly until June. I also told them that they would see there mother for longer periods of time after we move but it will most likely be in the summer. They seemed to calm down after awhile and talked alittle about it today. They talked about the good things that we could do there. I just hope that this all works out ok. I don't know if I could get by with out the kids. They have been what has kept me together over the last 3 yrs.

On the D front. I am completing the collection of paperwork for the lawyer. I just hope that she doesn't fight me because we are moving away. I just have an bad feeling that she will just to take the kids from me. She still doesn't live with SD. She still lives with her parents, but that feeling is still there. I hope that I am going the right way with this.

Indy

Dear Indy,

I am proud of you. You have made remarkable progress despite the odds against you.

You are a dad w/full custody of his children. Taking care of a home/work/school/family life/etc. Not many can do it and as well as you are doing. I'll bet you even surprised yourself.

You have come a long ways since we started posting back a couple of years ago.

What most don't know here is what a young and handsome whippersnapper you are - LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I know you are not one to toot your own horn so I will do it for you, TOOT TOOT!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

As for your future plans seems like you are moving forward and I am glad to hear that. No one, absolutely no one can say you haven't given it your best.

Keep up the good work. I will check back on you soon.

take care,
L.

Orchid,

Thanks for the kind words of support. It doesn't seem like it has been that long. Sometimes I have to really think about it. The kids seem to be interested in moving in June. We have talked about it a lot over the last couple of days and they told me yesterday that they were looking forward to moving. I just hope that doesn't change.

I think that you are going to get me in trouble. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I still think that you are being way to kind, but thanks anyway.

Indy

<small>[ October 21, 2003, 07:53 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Hey Indy,

U R like what I would imagine my younger bro' to be like. I was suppose to have one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am glad the kids are being positive. U really have 2 great kids. I am proud of your accomplishments.

Say, can you trip over to read a thread by someone called Indygreg?

Mahalo bro',
L.

Orchid,

I have the most wonderful kids in the whole world. I know that most parents say that about their kids. I was indygreg on another board yesterday and suggested that he come over to this board. That way his questions would have a better chance of getting responses.

Thanks for the kind words. I think of you also as an older sister. I don't really think that I could ever say thanks enough. I just hope that you haven't gone crazy with that pic that you have of me.

Indy

I have moved one step closer to the D being over with. I made the appointment in November yesterday with my lawyer to complete the settlement before sending it to my WW. I really don't know how I feel about it yet. I guess that will settle in as the date comes closer. Is it still normal to feel like that this far into the game?

Indy

Well, I just got off the phone with my lawyer and he sent out the letter outlining my settlement offer to my WW. This is still something that I don't want to do, but I have to protect both the kids and myself considering all of the changes that are coming up here in the next couple of months. She is going to find out that we will be moving to my next duty station for the first time. I am preparing myself for the phone call that is going to be coming once she recieves the letter. I didn't really try and destroy her in any way. I just wanted what she owed on our joint accounts. I should know something prior to the end of the week. Please pray that she just signs it and doesn't try anything stupid.

Indy

<small>[ November 18, 2003, 08:45 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Well, I called my lawyer the other day to see if they had heard anything from my WW. They still hadn't and it had been a week, so I left her a message yesterday morning to let her know that the kids and I have moved back to my parent's house in preperation of the move down south. I asked if she had recieved the letter from my lawyer and if so to please contact him and let him know what is going on. Needless to say she hasn't contacted me or my lawyer. Last night she dropped off the kids and looked at me like a deer in headlights. I am finally giving her what she wants and she isn't jumping at the chance. Is this normal for the WS not to jump at that chance? Please any thoughts would help me greatly.

Indy

Indi it's impossible to read a person's mind, especially a WS's. There are different type of affairs, and the WS's in each type react totally different from one another. In my case, my XWW(first W) was so emotionally and mentally disturbed at the time of my divorce, that I would have gone insane just trying to read her warped mind.

The question you may want to ask, why do you beleive an answer to your question would help you greatly? Do you still have plenty of love for her? Do you have doubts about the divorce?
Are you affraid that you'll be haunted by doubts after the divorce?

TMCM,

I really don't think that it would make a big difference. I do feel that it might make it a little bit easier.

I do still have love for my WW, but I have to protect both the kids and I. It has been over 2 years and she has written letters to both my lawyer and I requesting a settlement be sent to her. She also called my command trying to get them to persuade me to D her. I explained the situation to my command and that was the end of it. I would have thought that she would be releaved that it was coming to an end. I don't really want to D my WW, but her actions have made it so I have to protect my position with the children and the only way to do that is with the D being completed. This whole situation has haunted me since it started and I think that it will for awhile yet.

Indy