Ok well NOT a good thing for me to do . I was ya know curious !!!!
Now I know why that killed the CAT !!

Must be to soon , for me to think I can do that again .

No I didn't respond , I was to busy crying and trowing up !

How can any human being carry on a relationship like that ,, 3,4, 5,6,7 years . And most of all to listen to some of them make light of the fact that they are sleeping with a MM/MW , knowing they are M and have children ect.

Talking about how there M are so bad or the fact that a MM is telling them there M is good but they need more .

How little disrespect can you have for yourself.
Or one better wouldn't you want to at least try to have a R that no one has to leave , or take calls from there W/H while you are there .

TO be there toy .

Yes it also brought up angry feelings to my H (thank god he is not home ) I got so ingrossed and groessed out thinking that my H did this with someone .

OK this is a vent and a I don't know some worning not to go there if you are as week as me .

ok had to get that off my chest .

Also they where talking stats, 95% of M that rebuild after D-day won't last longer then 5 yrs . This just killed me , I am not saying I belive them , but it hurt . Agian I am glad H is not home , I probbly would have done something stupid and hit him over the head with a BRICK !

<small>[ September 20, 2003, 03:29 PM: Message edited by: 3isacrowd ]</small>

3isacrowd,

If you don't mind my asking, what is the site address that you went to?

Thanks

cocoa101

cocoa101,

AT you own risk ... www.gloryb.com b as in *****

3isacrowd,

Recovery is hard ... I am kind of glad that I have a fresh start. The road is narrow and both you need a guide (coach/MC). Both of you have to be skillfull in MB, fillin ENs & eliminating LB, spent time & honest.

-rh-

red

The face reality forum has forums for both cheating husbands and cheating wives.

Didn't take me long to get off that forum.

You are right no one should have to put up with such a remosefulless group.

How about this gem of a quote from a TOW poster:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We are born alone....we die alone....YOU ARE ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Red , I hear ya . I know I should not have went that way , like I said curious .

H & I are doing well , no we are not in MC , but we are following some MB .

We made an agreement that after N/C we would go at this without MC for the first 6months .

OUR recovery is going well , its more my personal recovery that I am dealing with .H listens and comforts and right now I am taking it like that .

There was so much work and DRAMA for so long I just want to live normal without all the presure of en forms and MC appointments .

We spend alot of time together and he is accountable , following all the rest of the agreements we put into place for the start of our recovery .

I think I am where I should be at this 31/2 month mark .

I have my days , triggers ect .

Well anyway , I am keeping myself off TOW !!

I am not there yet . NOT that I ever have to go there anyway .

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Also they where talking stats, 95% of M that rebuild after D-day won't last longer then 5 yrs . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They were off just a little, it's 95% of marriages that began as affairs do not last longer than 5 years.

LOR, now thats a STAT I like <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks it sounds so much more normal now .

Its a shame that they enjoy life for years , hiding , not relizing that if they really had love with someone , IT SHOULD BE IN THE OPEN ,

Love is not embaressed!

I was curious too, once! I did stay around the face reality site a while to read, but as far as both sites to, Gloryb and FR, they are trash mostly! fighting, bickering and bashing by both sides.
3isacrowd, Not for a moment do I believe those statistics.
Lor gave you the right of it!
My H had has 2 A's...... unfortunately he didn't learn enough the first time!
But 23 yrs between them and we've been married 31 yrs now. I think this shows we went way beyond that 5 yrs thing. Besides, our marriage wasn't born out of an A to start with.
If we can survive 2, and still be here 31 yrs later together, it shows marriages do make it with rebuilding.
Statistics say only 5% of people who divorce due to an A actually marry OP too. And it usually doesn't last even 5 yrs when they do!
It's safer here than over on those sites.
I also have another site for those who might be interested in reading. I don't remember if it has chat rooms or posting rooms, but it's a couple who divorced, then remarried. Preacher and hiw wife! It's a good site to go read.
http://www.rejoiceministries.org/rmgroups.html
Or just go www.rejoiceministries and see. This I have listed as a study area.
I think I'll go check it out again myself. It's been a long while since I was there. They will also send you newsletters if you request as well. Their story is quite encouraging.
LouLou

I glanced at it. There's something a little weird about people who are building their identities around their As. They seemed to want to make it look sophisticated, glamorous, etc.

Don't waste your time. Blow 'em off!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They were off just a little, it's 95% of marriages that began as affairs do not last longer than 5 years.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe some one ought go over there and post the correction <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Or invite them here so they can see how their actions effect the other side of the coin.

A few months back I went to the site ... had to leave just minutes after I got there ... had to throw up.

I especially liked one poster who said that her MM was cheating on her with his WIFE.

Though I had heard some of this clap trap before from OW#1 -- we had an email exchange at one time ... OW#1 responded to one email I sent (asking her how she could feel good doing this to not one but two married men) -- that she has spoken with her friends about this, they didn't see a problem so she didn't see a problem.

Guess all her friends were having an A too.

Beyond feeling sick you really must pity them -- they have no conscience or concern about all the lives they are effecting and hurting. It's all about them.

way2

<small>[ September 21, 2003, 07:10 AM: Message edited by: way2 ]</small>

Actually it is more like 2% of marriages that start from an affair fail. Of marriages that make it post affair, at 5 years out, those who had affairs and rebuilt were as happy or happier than those who left.

Those who stayed married reported more satisfaction with family and job too.

As for that board, I used to lurk a lot, it was a stage of recovery at about 1 year out. What I found was a bunch of very sad women who were grasping for a relationship that would hardly ever make it. They were abandoned by MM after d-day, things would sometimes restart, only to end in the future, or leave them dangeling, never leaving wife. Of those who got their man, most returned to their wife and family. The women ended up sad and used, actually very pitiful, I actually felt sorry for some of them because they were very nieve or young. Most were selfish, as were many of those who had affairs in general. They arrive all full of passion, the soulmate thing, and slowly, one by one I watched their relationships fall apart. I didn't wish them any ills as they were not my OW, I just sat back and watched as relationship after relationship failed. Once in a while a MM would leave, but by the time he3 was divorced, they'd wake up and realize he was no prize. Most who left were thrown out by wives who no longer wanted them, some prize. It is their board, and I think that it should be respected as their place, as this is our place, so please don't go there. They are either in pain or will be in pain as their relationships fail overall. They too are being used as is the BS, only difference is that if they knew he was married, they asked for it in my opinon, and what goes around, comes around.

If you are too early in recovery, it is too painful to be there. It has been a valuable tool for my recovery. I have read the otherside, and I didn't like it. They are fed lies by their MM. They talk about what b*&*hes the wives are, yet they do not walk in our shoes. They have no clue what the otherside of the story is. It is a one sided fantasy that falls apart after d-day.

They want to believe the stats are in their favor, but if you check any psych journal or MC stat, or demographics, it just doesn't add up their way. That is why there are so many of us who are rebuilding, because we really are with our soulmates, for better or worse.

It is the same story over there. They eventually get it, move on and find someone single or get stuck being used. Some of them want to be used that way. They like having a part time no strings attached relationship, but I think it is part of the denial process. You have to have low self esteem to knowingly start a relationship like that. Just leave them to themselves. They need all the support they can get, because they are alone.

Sorry for the typos..in a hurry as usual, busy enjoying my H in a very strong recovery over 2 years out.

By the way, the story here is usually recovery unless the BS wants out. Some marriages fail, but usually it has little to do with the affair per say.

Don't let them get to you. They really are sad and won't get it until they walk in our shoes.

The thing with those women is that they are pathetic and sick with low self esteems (like I was when I was the WS) but the difference is that I chose to better myself and seek forgiveness whereas they don't respect themselves enough to try to move on with their lives. They are miserable women who will never fully understand what they did to other people's lives, all they're concerned about is what kind of an "impact" they made. Talk about a sorry bunch of people......
NL

First off the posting the stats was said in jest.

However I think the TOW invites self prepetuation. I didn't see anyone post about getting off the merry-go-round and building a better life.

I didn't see anyone (unlike here) giving a hand up and supporting anyone looking to get out and how to do it. ... just like my OW#1.

That's why I suggested an invite here. If nothing else so that one of them.. maybe two of them can get off the merry-go-round.

Maybe I'm wrong, I never saw it .. and maybe I'm wrong for wanting them to be invited here. I think some people really gain alot by seeing that there is a world around them that is being affected by the choices they are making. (sort of like that sick Uncle Kracker song -- I wouldn't even allow it on the radio prior to Myad's A#2)

the TOW site, IMO perpetuates itself and continues to ruin those women's lives (and others) because to step out challenges and threatens all of them. They do better as a group maintaining misery than supporting anyone in living a healthier lifestyle.

But then when I had my A I was not an OP to anyone else. My OP was single ... actually when the relattionship began to end I helped them pick out their clothes for the first date with someone else (who was single) -- that relationship was still going strong 5 years later, they even got married, a mutual friend told me (volunteered the info -- I didn't ask).

So yes, all my experience with an OP is from the BS side NOT the OP side.

way2

<small>[ September 21, 2003, 10:12 AM: Message edited by: way2 ]</small>

All,

Most of them lurk here ... even some has posted here too. They refer to this board as BS board ...

-rh-

Way,
We've even had one of the TOW moderators post here when a thread is slamming gloryb's posters. He has 26 MB posts.

Well I read two stats regarding exit affairs.

One said 60% failure rate another 80% failure. Keep in mind 50% or so of first time marriages fail as well.

What's really ironic is both my father and my wife's father had exit affairs. Mine has been with his exit person 40 plus years and her dad has been with his exit affair 25 plus years.

Just a little note...

there are several BSs that post at TOW (yes, im a member of tow even though im no longer an ow).

Many of us have many reasons for being in an A. Some of us didnt know he was Md going into it, some of us were with them before they were Md (like myself), some are happy with the status, but many struggle daily. Many are offered a huge amoutn of support there and are encouraged to leave the A if they are unhappy with the role of the OW and the things that come with it. Unfortunately a lot of these OW are fed many of the same lines you are - they just need time to get out, things are hell, they want to work on their R (with the OP) etc... and are convinced to take the MMs back the same way that the BS is often convinced to take him back. The OW is givne the same reasons to "stick it out and work through it", etc.

I suspect though if you only read there for a moment or two you wouldnt see this right away - esp if its nto what youre looking for.

We have more than our fair share of level headed posters who will be the first to point out that if you cant handle being an OW (most cant) or the things that come with it then get out and work on yourself. They also hammer in the mindset that you should never put your life on hold waiting for him to leave. Move on.

Just for the record.

And we do welcome posters from here so long as they dont come to flame. We realize though that most cannot post there unless they are pretty well along in healing and rebuilding.

Rain...

Something tells me when they say "BS Board" they aren't talking Betrayed Spouse

Lor(lor) said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Way,
We've even had one of the TOW moderators post here when a thread is slamming gloryb's posters. He has 26 MB posts </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">lol ... I've lived a sheltered life ... got to get out of the Recovery Board more often <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'd like to look up what he said (hmm interesting the moderator for the TOW site is male).

rain said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> to point out that if you cant handle being an OW (most cant) or the things that come with it then get out and work on yourself. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So you are saying that there are OW who are prefectly happy and comfortable causing the devestation and wreckage of children and families?

It might be the MM fault but just liek creating the climate for the affair took 2 (wife and husband) prepetuating the A takes two (WS and OP)

In such case what does that say about them? and does tow board aid and comfort ...

and I have a probelm with another statement .. yes I know and I did read the other OW were advising OW to stick it out and work it out ... same deal, everyone working together continue hurt and pain.

Primary relationship first (marriage) .. OPs should back off and let spouses work it out themselves.

way2

That statistic amuses me.

So most marriages don't recover after an affair is discovered? Is that supposed to say that most marriages were unrecoverable BEFORE the affair started?? Probly not. So if OW are trying to allude that the marriage was already damaged beyond repair....well, then stay out of it til it's over. Duh.

We're at 2 years (after reconcilliation...4 years past dday) and still honeymooning...so I'll take that bet. When H and I married, we wrote the bishop to try to get permission to be married in a city park (since I'm not catholic I had NO IDEA our marriage wouldn't be considered valid if not performed in a church). He said that marriages like ours were not likely to last 5 years. Well, we made it 7 years before we really started having problems...and we managed to pull out of that too!!

So pflft <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> on the bishop and pflft <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> on the OW. I say we're gonna make it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I love my husband **sigh**