Hey Guys,<P>Haven't been on for quite awhile, thought I would update you all.<P>I got served divorce papers yesterday and a restraining order to bar me from leaving the city. I was planning on moving tommorrow. All arrangememts are made and now this.<P>The real funny thing is that it was our anniversary on Monday and we talked for about three hours and I thought we had said goodbye and now he pulls this. In his complaint, he only barred me from leaving not my boys. How strange is that?<P>When I got served with the divorce papers, it didn't even bother me. I kinda felt relieved that all this would be coming to an end soon. I guess I just don't want him back. He's just hurt me way too much. All I want to do now is go back home and start over with my boys.<P>Why won't he let me? Any input?!! <P>Thanks,<BR>Deb

Hi Deb1 -<P>I was going to say how sorry I was about getting served cause that was a very bad day for me.....but you seem OK so I won't dwell there!!<P>What's up with this restraining order thing? I never heard of this if not about the children.....What's the legal reasoning for it?<P>This was something quick he did after he knew you were leaving tomorrow? Do you think it was a moment of panic? Strange!<P>Why he won't let you go? Who knows their heads!! I certainly don't get my H's logic (or lack thereof!!!)...<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

{{{{{{{{{Deb}}}}}}}}}<P>I feel so bad for you...<P>I'm not sure what I can say to ease you pain (it's there... I know it is...) but I will pray for you!<P>Sheba is right... this restraining order(RO) is wierd... I got a RO against my W's OM... and his contact with my kids... but to get a RO not dealing directly with the kids is strange!<P>I hope things work out for you...<P>Jim

Hey Sheba & NSR,<P>Thanks for replying.<P>He wants me to stay in the city because he says that just because he was a rotten husband that he can't be a good dad to the boys. I beg to differ though because the other day I let him take them on a unscheduled visitation and took them directly to the OW's place, which happens to be the boys' aunt, my brother's wife and my sister-in-law, and my boys witnessed them sucking face and the like. In our preliminary negotiations he promised he wouldn't do that. His lawyer, counsellor and doctor have told him all he is going to do is mess them up bad, but he doesn't really seem to care about that at all.<P>I want to leave here and start a new, but what do I do about him. My oldest doesn't want to see him and wants to move. My youngest is only a baby, a month old when he started seeing his aunt. He has no idea who he is.<P>Egads people....the fun has begun. I'll tell you this more "fun" than I can handle. By the way Sheba, are you divorced yet?<P>Thanks,<BR>Deb

Just bringing this to the top for comments hopefully!!<P>Thanks,<BR>Deb

Deb - so sorry to hear this news. You have definitely had a rough ride.<P>I know how much you feel the need to leave some of the pain behind and just "get on with it." You have to trust, I guess, that that day will come.<P>In the meantime, hang on. You've been remarkably strong so far (yep, I remember a few posts!), you'll get through this too.<P>Lots of hugs,<P>Lori

So sorry to hear about what your H is up to. When my H and I were in this situation and I went to a lawyer, I was afraid of the same thing happening. This is what my H threatened. I asked the lawyer about what I could do and luckily we had only lived her for 6 months and had no family around. She told me that if we had proof of his negligence and proof that we would all be better off elsewhere then we may have a case to present to the judge. Do you have any good proof of his bad behavior and bad fathering? This is the best way I can see going at it if you really want to move.<P>My neighbor in NM was not allowed to move with her daughter. She even got remarried and her H was transferred to Texas and they could not go with him. They had to carry on a long distance relationship until the father finally let go when he realized how cruel he was being to the whole family (he hardly ever saw the girl!).<P>Good luck to you. I wish you the best.

hi deb, i am so sorry that he continues to be such an imbecile. Maybe your best chance would be via a doc to document that the relationship h has with ow is deeply damaging to the children?<BR>Go to the website <A HREF="http://www.divorceonline.com" TARGET=_blank>www.divorceonline.com</A> and post the issue there. There are some very wise people on that website that may give you some good ideas on how to best deal with this situation. <BR>I applaud your strength!!

Now wait a minute ... I'm not a professional here, but I'm thinking that if HE can pull that on you, then you can certainly set up some MAJOR restrictions on what he subjects your kids to.<P>I believe I'd go after him legally. They will side with YOU, the mother. (depending on your state, I guess)<P>Have you told all this to your lawyer? What does HE advise?