BS/WS & OP....Triangle? Nope

Why not? Many people call the A a 'love triangle'. In reality is it?

IMHO, a triangle denotes a connection of all 3 points. In an A, the disconnect is between the BS and OP. Often the 2 have never met yet a lot of warped info is shared (often via the WS) and so a type of connection is viewed. In reality, there is no connection, hence the frustration and confusion by all parts which are NOT connected.

What about that WS who is connected to both the OP and BS? Well the WS is connected but not in the same way nor at the same time. So is it really a triangle or a very discombobbulated (wrong sp??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) bunch of disconnected lines (relationships) wandering aimlessly in search of being 'connected'?

I just wanted to share that viewpoint. At some point many a WS want the BS and OP to be 'friends'....nothing c/b farther from the truth. While the BS often wants to work on things for a permanent fix, the WS and OP just want their fantasy to continue to an undisclosed amount of time. 1 week, 1 month, 1 year.....doesn't matter. Seems like they will suffice with the whatevers of time, until...... Until one wants a commitment.....one wants that permanent fix.....that belongs only to a true M spouse.

What do you all think?

L.

I think that an A is like the capital letter A. LOL. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The WS is at the top tip of the A.
The BS is on the right side of the A.
The OP is on the left side of the A.
And that little line in the middle? That's the 1/2 truth of the information that the BS and the OP get about each other... usually given to them by the WS.

What do you think of THAT description O? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Karen

Absolutely perfect! Once the info is given to BS from WS it is short circuited, from non=truth or Half-truth and never gets back in its original form. Same for OP, it never gets fully circulated. Hence, the disconnection and lack of a full triangle! Sorry, I've had a couple of drinks but I'm sure you get my drift! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen,

An A instead of a triangle?? Hm... verrrry interesting!!!! Whatever it is, it won't last the test of time.

By the way, howzit going? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

2O4T,
Glad you posted. How are you doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">At some point many a WS want the BS and OP to be 'friends' </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This was certainly true of my H with TWO of the OWs. Why on earth???? Even now, he seems to want me to approve of his choices and express tolerance for them.

I don't get it.

TA

Orchid - doing OK now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

TA - I don't get that one either. My H once said he wished things had been different, that OW and I probably could have been good friends.

I said, I doubt it...but why didn't you introduce us instead of keeping that wonderful "W@*%?" all to yourself?

He used to say the wierdest stuff! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My deep dark secret is a longing for polyamory to work.

How is this related to this thread? Something that I learned in the course of experimenting with polyamory: Three is an unstable number for relationships UNLESS all three are connected in a close, binding way.

In other words, a man can have two wives, or a woman can have two husbands. (Go read your bible, dude, it was all the rage back then.) But it SO doesn't work when you've got all those disconnected lines and a refusal by one or more of the parties to commit to EVERYONE being happy and following the MB principles.

Ya, I know, I'm weird and y'all can flame me. And who am I really to say, since my marriage has fallen into itty bitty pieces? But it's what I learned in the journey through that mess: If y'all wanna play with more people, better marry 'em first, with all that that means.

And even if you do that, it is INCREDIBLY hard to make it work. Beyond the relationship capabilities of most people, I think. Not all, but almost all.

In my case my WW affair partner was a friend. So I'm involved in a bunch of triangles or mixed up A's.

I sometimes wonder when my WW is being a little nice and friendly towards me if she still wants our marriage or if she's looking to relieve her own guilt.

If were friends then all is OK in her mind, I think.

Kind of like the saying "were soulmates" "our marriage was bad anyway" "or were in love" etc. I think it's all really a way for the WW spouse to justify to themselves and others that what they have done is Ok on some level. But in the end I think it's just a mask or form of denial.