Does anyone feel pretty rotten when the kids are with the EX? I have it pretty good as I am with them approx 4 out of 7 nites. But I feel like such a big fat failure when they are with her, I feel like a "part time Dad"

When they leave after their 4 nites with me it feels like my gut goes in knots. I love them so much and always fear they will harbor some resentment towards me for not being there (physically) all the time and for the divorce.

Plus I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that thier "mommy" speaks ill of me as I hear what my 5 & 7 year old daughters repeat. Mommy always denies it, but my precious girls would'nt just make that up. They are so young and I am terribly afraid they will start to beleive her.

Oh well I'll I can do is care, provide for, love and nurture them the best I can when they are with me. But sometimes that fear just grips me & makes me sick.

Can anyone help me with your thoughts

I understand how you feel there RLY. When H and I were seperated we tried to make sure we saw our son every day, but the nights when one parent had him were very difficult. Just know that how you feel is just that...a feeling. You are NOT a failure nor are you a part time dad by your choice. Cherish the time you do have with them, and utilize the time apart to your advantage in some way. Take a night class or take some personal time so you'll have lots of time and energy when you do have them.

Rly-

You're feelings are very normal.

I feel that way too, and I have Ds much of the time during the week.

I find that when he is with is dad I am frustrated. At first I didn't realize what was going on, but I found myself restless and antsy. After sitting down and letting my feelings flow, I realized that I am envious that THEY are a happy family and I have no place there. It hurts, but it is the product of my bad choices and irresponsibility. For you, I know that things are worse because you didn't have the A.

I can only tell you to try and be the best dad that you can be for them. I found that not asking about what goes on over there helps me 100%. The less I know, the better I can stay detached from my insecure thouhts that fly when I have tidbits and pieces.

Also, if the kids repeat something that W says, VALIDATE the kids. Oftenm they are trying to explore, You can sit down and instead of taking a stance of defense, simply ask - How did hearing this make you feel? Have them TALK about what they're feeling instead of reacting to words planted to hurt you...

JMHA-

rlyhurtin,

So sorry to hear you are feeling so bad about your babies.

I had full custody of my first born after his father and I divorced. He just was never around... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Be there for them, keep reassuring them that you love them. When they are old enough they will see for themselves who is right and who is wrong, believe me it happens.

Until then just be thankful you have them when you do and don't miss a minute of it, they grow up so fast... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks so much for the comforting words. I really wish I knew why I am so parinoid that my children are going to hate me.

It feels like my 3 daughters really didn't have a say in our family. It feels like hey

"The children or me didn't want to ruin the family"

"The children and me didn't want to affected by infedelity"

"The children & me didn't want a divorce"

We didn't ask for this mess. Yet for some reason
I am so guilt ridden, like I should have done more. I still feel after 1 year of seperation/divorce that its all my fault. If you talk to Ex...it is.

Its still so surreal... One day Prior to D-Day "I'm the best husband ever" etc...D-Day comes
and one year later...divorced and I am satan.

Was I living a lie?