MissJ, no,it's not ongoing as she lives many states away and he's not gone anymore. I don't think there is any contact otherwise either.
But how he feels inside is something else to consider. When you have dealt with a liar, you never know anymore what to believe.
I sense it in his irritations, argumentative ways. Read post down below yours by johnh39. It fits here. Although I don't know if from guilt or from hating being here!
He constanly breaks promises of plans for us. He buries himself in TV for all day and nights most times.
We plan getaways and they never materialize as he always says at last moment cant' afford and we'll go later. However, I know that we can afford to go!
I had to have emergency dental recently, and an addition of a tooth to a partial I have. All back teeth are partial. You'd have thought we had to sell our home for this. He was so upset at the cost!
Yet, he never complained or resented money spent flying to treat her to two nice vacations. Far more costly.
It's like every necessary expense here is a burden. We're not rich, but not poor either. We have enough income to take care of all our needs and more. But there is always an excuse to break promises to me!
He promised church with me, but has not been for months and will not go while football season is on!
He can be sweet as can be if he wants sex, then his demeanor changes within hours.
Truthfully, I feel like dirt in his opinion of me.
If he takes me somewhere once a year, I hear about it for months or years! I'm reminded he did this or that for me.
I feel H resents everything done for this family here.
I have written him a letter but it will do no good. I will be told it's garbage.
All it says is offer him to sit with me, make out a written agreement on splitting assets and my alimony, then take it to a paralegal and be done with this. Allowing him to go see if he can get the woman from her H who never complains or has a bad day! We all know there are people like that, huh? Those who have no problems in life? LOL
He says she never was anything but up and bubbly. Um, but I read her emails of how unhappy she was in marriage, lost assets due to supposedly all Her H's misdealings, yet her name was on it all. How he gave her no attention and how hard life was, yada yada. But that was not complaining in my H eyes. He was the knight to her rescue I suppose. But we all know it's up to a persons feelings how they view things.
Obviously, his feelings for her put her in a different light than I am. She obviously had legitimate complaints and I do not!
I say for the WS who is unhappy still, get the hell out and let your spouse find someone who will appreciate, love and care for their needs!
I have always had to be the giver in this 31 yrs. While his two? that I know of, OW had only to dress up and show up!
One, the first one, was a bar slut. Living with a man and sleeping around on him, one being my H and he knew it! He seemed shocked when I found out and told him his best friend was also sleeping with her when my H could tear himself away long enough to come home for a night or two as he was working out of town then. His best friend told me he was. My H wanted to deny even then that she could cheat on him. LOL
How stupid can some men get!Now the last one is such a paragon of virtue, my H is the only one she has cheated with in her years of marriage. He thinks she has never been with anyone but her two H's. Yet, I know right now she is in an A with another of my H's classmates from 1958!
She is making the rounds of the whole HS class that she can get!
My H spent a total of 10 days with her in the last 45 yrs now that I know of. And finds her to be everlasting bubbly, never complaining, happy and up all time!
Of course, those 10 days were spent in romantic settings with nothing to complain about. Just to figure out what fun to have next and where to eat!
I have to ask myself how come her H said "FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST", when I told him of her perfidy.
Of course, my H says it's all him, she was one who didn't do anything to make her marriage unhappy!
My H says she's wonderful or her H wouldn't have taken her back. Um, I pointed out I took him back though he's not so wonderful anymore.
My H says he needs no counseling, that it is only me who needs it.
He would never come here to read and if I share something, he tells me stay away from this garbage.
People come here to try to solve marital problems as I see it. And sometimes I'm sure it's all a one way street. The BS is one trying to find answers while the WS thinks it's all our fault.
My H wants me to be the woman I once was before he cheated on me twice to my knowledge. But he refuses to see how he must change to be who he once was. He just says when I change, and am happy, he'll be happy.
What I hear is him saying, "when you start back being my doormat, I'll be happy again"!
He is wishy washy. One day he tells me I have no rights, none of assets are mine, next day or two he says it's ours, not his.
He is a controller! Or wanna be in full control of everything.
I love reading the success stories here. But what I find is it's only successful when both want it to be. And work at it together. It's only successful when the WS admits their wrong, and truly can show big regrets and start showing appreciation for the spouse they wronged. I don't feel I will ever please my H because now I'm not going to be his slave anymore. You would not believe the things I did for years to please this man. I used to get up at 4 a.m to comb his hair because he has a cowlick that he couldn't get to lay down!
Once he wanted a cup of coffee in evening and I simply ask him to get us both one. I was tired of jumping to his command. We'd lived in that house a year and he had to ask me where in cabinet the cups where! So you can see how I catered to him.
I iron perma press clothes so he would look sharp! Do you know how many women do not iron today? LOL
I cooked two dinners for years as he hates veggies and I love them, plus I wanted the children to eat healthy.
Do you know how many women never hardly cook at all nowdays?
My daughter probably eats two thirds of meals out and if not, Her H cooks them! She sends clothes out, never irons a thing.
Has a house keeper come clean once a week.
Her H treats her like a queen so what am I doing wrong? LOL
She refuses to be the slave.She gets treated well. Obviously, the more you do for one, the poorer treatment you get.
Taken for granted! The only meals ever cooked for me when I was ill or had surgery was by my SON.
Some men should just be shot!
The men or WS here who really want their marriages and are here, learning, and counseling for their spouses, are the truly blessed marriages.
Sometimes I read them and wish my H was like that!
The ones who do this are really deserving of another chance.
Ok, venting again. sorry but it's really eating me here. I just want out and feel trapped.
LouLou