Here is a letter I wrote to the OM. Why did I do it? Heck.... just seemed like the thing to do.

I know this letter is probably falling on deaf ears,
but I can’t help attempting to persuade you to look at
this from another set of eyes. From my eyes and from
one that has made the decision not to give up.

My wife is afraid of me contacting you in an attempt
to protect you from me. She fears that I may loose
control and do you harm. She maybe correct and she may
not. Who is to say what one will do when it really
comes down to the doing of it. At least right now I
don’t and thus the reason for this letter.

I must appeal to you to end this affair with my wife.
I must appeal to you to end all contact with my wife
for once and for all. I don’t know your true feelings
for my wife, but let me assure you that my feelings
run deep and true. You see I love my wife with all my
heart, soul and being. I’ve made mistakes in the past
by not meeting some of her needs that has driven her
to seek them in others. She has found that fulfillment
of those missing needs in you. We have talked about
this and both admit that we didn’t know what this lack
would lead to and believe me that if I knew what I
know today last year you would have never met her,
much less had a relationship with her. I would now be
meeting those needs with gusto. As it stands now I am
trying to accomplish this, but with you in the picture
Cam has rejected my attempts to fill the void.

My one determined goal in life is to make my wife
happy. There is no one on the face of this planet that
loves her more than I. Not one that is more dedicated
to her and her happiness. Not just for the here and
now, but for the rest of our lives. I have made the
commitment to her for life and I do not intend to
break it. Even now with all the pain that this affair
is causing.

I have made mistakes in the past that opened a chink
in the armor of our relationship that now threatens to
tear us apart. Let me assure you that this tearing
apart affects more than just her and I and our
feelings. Everything we have built and striven for the
past 8 years now stands on the brink of becoming
ashes.

My wife has always been very close to her family. They
are a very tight-knit group that supports each other
through thick and thin. They are honorable people and
I’ve been a better person for having known them. My
wife loves them all deeply and they cherish her as
well. Cam’s entire life has been orbiting her family.
They have all had a hand in making her who she is
today. This affair threatens this as well. They do
not yet know the extent of this relationship, but I
suspect they’re assuming the worst. Her family is
threatening to shun her and will if this continues.

I could tell you this hurts me and that I’ve endured
about as much pain as a man can endure, but you don’t
care about me. I hope you do care about Cam. Let me
tell you that I have never seen her as unhappy and in
as much pain in my entire 8 years with her. She is
wracked with the guilt of what she has done. You
probably don’t see it as she probably puts it aside
when she’s with you. In fact I know she does, but be
assured it is there and it is real.

I don’t know if the two of you have discussed any
future for your relationship, or commitments. Cam has
told me that this is a temporary thing and she knows
there is no future in it. She also knows that her
family will never accept you. She is confused and
declares herself to be lost. She is undecided on her
future and our future as well. She has lost control of
herself and freely admits it. She admits to me that
she still loves me deeply and she wants to stay with
me, but doesn’t know how.

I make this last appeal to you to allow her to find
her way without your interference. As long as you stay
in the picture Cam is unable to plot her course. If
you care about her at all you will cease any and all
contact with her.

I think it's fine if it makes you feel better to get it out.
Realistically, I doubt very seriously that it will do any good. You acknowledged at the beginning that you know he does not care for you or your feelings. I would assume that's the truth.

Again, if it helps you to get the words out, send away, but don't hinge too much hope on things ending from that angle.

HarryS,

I too wrote a letter to my W's OM. I don't think it did much good - or had much of an effect at all.

For your letter, I would recommend that you remove any references to your "mistakes" etc. It's none of his business - and since you didn't specify what your mistakes were - he can imagine anything he likes - or readily accept anything your W suggests.

Also, remove any implied threat. There should be nothing about harming him or not harming him. Just leave that part out. Let the letter, which should be harmless, speak for itself.

Be careful about any info you give him about your relationship with your wife. Think very closely about what effect that info might have.

Make sure everything you say is true - and your W knows it's true - because she will probably end up reading this letter too (with OM) and will put her spin on it.

Don't say anything about what W found in him. Surely she has told him. You don't have to repeat it. It only makes him feel "sucessful."

Don't say that she has rejected your efforts. That gives him hope that he will succeed in winning her.

I hope you reread it carefully. This letter may make no difference, or it may - but all the same it is very important. Get it right.

-AD

Okay Harry there was a reason Roosevelt said "talk softly and carry a big stick".

I lean to death threats like you would look good with blew eyes====a pipe bomb that blows one eye that way and the other one this way.

Harrys, AD. gave you good advice. Rewrite the letter and put nothing derogatory about yourself.
Simply state that he is interferring in the marriage and it's time for him to back off, bow out and stay away!
If you need contact further, then you can make additional statements.
Don't threaten, but he has to be aware, unless he's real stupid!, That a threat is definitely pending or possible.
LouLou