we've been together for 6 years, married for nearly 5. we have 2 kids and he started having an affair about a year ago. i only found out about 6 months ago. it nearly destroyed me. what hurts more is that it seems that he is not really sorry because he continued with the affair after i had found out. he took our savings to splash on her and drove her around in my car, spoilt her with gifts and didn't produce a cent for his kids. whilst we live with my parents because i am the only one working he accomodated, fed and clothed her and even bought her jewellry with my money. it all hurts so bad, becasue all i have ever wanted was my children to have a home and some sort of family. he used me and abused me and treated us all like dirt, he stole from my children's saving to provide her with whatever. But money is not the point, all i want is peace and for my children to have their lives back, i want my life back, ie the pre-affair life when my children excelled and when i was relatively happy. when i met him he had nothing, together we have built him into something, and now he throws us away for his lowlife disgrace to all women. what can i do ? i love him still and my chldren love him, and are happy when he is there. where do we go from here?

While you can't force him to follow The Four Rules For A Succesful Marriage , you can make their following a deal breaker for continuing the marriage. Nothing would tell you that he has truly becomed the man you want him to be than for him to willingly and enthusiastically follow The Four Rules For A Succesful Marriage . But if he is reluctant or unwilling then you have to take full responsibility for chosing to stay married to a man that truly does not care that much about you or the children.

You said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> i want my life back, ie the pre-affair life when my children excelled and when i was relatively happy </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">First of all...it will NEVER be that way again.....recovery or no recovery.

Second.....you were only relatively happy?

Why would you want to go back to that?

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