Recently I asked my stbxw if we could meet someplace to talk.
I asked if she would help put me put closure in our marriage. She knows its the *last* thing I truly want.
I also briefly spoke of the possibility of reconciliation, reassuring her *its never too late,* she agreed to meet.

Here is how i asked her,,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">> (Wife) I want to thank you for agreeing to meet after the 13th. Thank you. :-)
> I would like to hear what *your* concerns are, and I would like to thank you for you willing to take the time, and risk sitting down, and talk with me. Which is the reason why i would like to share with you this idea, and ask you,,
> Will Saturday the 25th work for you? At the Olive Garden? Will 4p.m. work for you? The reason i suggest the Olive Garden, so *you* can feel comfortable, and relaxed. Knowing that it will be a pleasant atmosphere, a pleasant conversation, as well as calm, courteous, and respectful.
> If you can and will, will you please consider this? I would greatly appreciate it.
> The same applies also if you decline, i want you to know thats its your choice, that there is absoluetly no pressure, and i have no expectations from you, in any way, ok? I hope this can only help you feel comfortable, and relaxed while you take the time to thnk about this,ok? Again, i appreciate your time even for considering this? Thank you (wife),, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This was her reply
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't want to discuss stuff at a restaraunt and have everyone sitting around us here our dirty laundry.
>It's our business, not anyone else's. >
>The time and date will need to be set up later, I won't commit
>that far out b/c I'm not sure what's up with weekends at
>my new job yet. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My main question is,, how should i respond to this?? The reason I'm asking is because I do not want to jeapordize any chance I may have,(if I even do have a chance of meeting with her) SO I want to respond accordingly,,

Here is what W thinks of me, I'm controlling, abusive, manipulating, a liar, a flirt and womanizer, selfish,I'm sure there's more,,, and she thinks I took her children away from her, (i have custody) Do I really need to say, I don't think she likes me very much?? SHe says she was never involved with any OP,, she placed a restraining order against me,,and filed for divorce in March. Still, I want to fix our marriage.

Any suggestions please??
thanks

Ok, going along with your initial tone and what I think you are trying to portray and accompish here, I would reply something like: I can respect and appreciate that. What would you suggest as a good place for us to sit down together and talk? Also, the following dates and times are available for me, so if you find that one of them works for you please let me know. I realize that your schedule is hard to figure with work, so hopefully one of these will be amicable for both of us. In any event, I look forward to hearing from you, and hope that you would like to sit down and talk with me, but if for some reason you are uneasy with that I do understand.

Hope this helps. Good luck, and I hope she does hook up with you and something can come of it for your. All my best.

Princess,

In regards to my initial tone,, did I leave you with the impression of being harsh, or with attitude?? Could my tone have been more calmer?

Princess, my W actually is the one who can and will benefit the most!! Including more time with our children,,,

Thank you, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

No, your initial tone that I got was not bad at all. It seemed rather passive and more than willing to work with her. You sounded very outgoing in your message and non-pushy. That is why my suggested reply was more along the lines of putting it in her court for setting dates and/or times. I went with the "I'm willing to work with you and your schedule" idea.

I hope you two can get together and talk. While I don't know much of your story, I still have hope for anyone and I hope that some how some way the two of you will turn and take the road of recovery.

All my best, and good luck.

No, your initial tone that I got was not bad at all. It seemed rather passive and more than willing to work with her. You sounded very outgoing in your message and non-pushy. That is why my suggested reply was more along the lines of putting it in her court for setting dates and/or times. I went with the "I'm willing to work with you and your schedule" idea.

I hope you two can get together and talk. While I don't know much of your story, I still have hope for anyone and I hope that some how some way the two of you will turn and take the road of recovery.

All my best, and good luck.

No, your initial tone that I got was not bad at all. It seemed rather passive and more than willing to work with her. You sounded very outgoing in your message and non-pushy. That is why my suggested reply was more along the lines of putting it in her court for setting dates and/or times. I went with the "I'm willing to work with you and your schedule" idea.

I hope you two can get together and talk. While I don't know much of your story, I still have hope for anyone and I hope that some how some way the two of you will turn and take the road of recovery.

All my best, and good luck.

Princess,

How should I respond to this statement?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't want to discuss stuff at a restaraunt and have everyone sitting around us here our dirty laundry.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Or should I let this be?

I shared with her the possibility of marriage coaching, and fixing our marriage, reassuring her *its never too late.* I'm planning on bringing material, so I can show her the learning/reading I have been doing. Nothing in any negative way,,

thanks again,,

First, sorry about the multiple posts, I was having trouble with my computer.

As for your question, I would simple say "I can respect and appreciate that." and then leave it at that. You don't want to make anything of it, and you don't want to suggest she is wrong for feeling the way she does. You simply want to let her know you understand how she can feel that way and you respect it as it is her feelings and she is entitled to them. Then, ask what she suggests as a good place to go and talk, letting her know you are open to her ideas, and respect her feelings.

Good luck to you.

Princess,

Will this response work, or is it to much overkill?? regards to the dirty laundry??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My dear, I'd like to softly comment about dirty laundry. I can truly understand how, and why you would feel this way. I accept this, and just as important, I respect your feelings. Yes, i sahre all of this in 100% total acceptance. Including with all of my soft, sincere words, hoping to leave *you* feeling comfortable, knowing this. Can you really understand what i sincerely mean here?? As also to what i'am saying? How doe this leave you feeling??</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Quite often i manage to leave the wrong impression, or maybe i just never knew how to accept my W's feelings,,,

thank you again,, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Just ask her when and where will work for her. Let her have control and she won't be so defensive/angry. Maybe.

Personally, I think it's a bit much. My thoughts on how to word it:

"My dear, in regard to the restuarant scene, I can truly understand how you may feel the way you do. I can appreciate this, and just as importantly, I respect your feelings. It is not my intent to leave you feeling uncomfortable in any way, and do hope that together we can come up with a good place to possibly get together. If you are not available on the day I originally thought, I am also available on the following days, if any of these work for you. I mean all of this in total sincerity, and hope that you can feel confident enough in my efforts to where you will be comfortable to meet with me and talk. I look forward to hearing from you."

I don't think you should specifically say *dirty laundry* as that may give the impression that you are irritated by that specific comment. Hope this helps. Good luck to you.

Princess,
thanks a lot!! To be honest, *if* she follows thru and meets me,, i will be surprised!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not sure what's up with weekends at
>my new job yet.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">With her saying this, i'm left with the impression that this is more of a priority, than anything else. Including our marriage, and our children. She only ssees them every other week-end. And thats only for overnight.
If she's not sure aboutr her new job, week-ends, then simply make the plans, and go from there??
But, i still keep on trying,,,,,,,,,,
Hoping that one day!

<small>[ October 10, 2003, 03:06 AM: Message edited by: MrCompromise ]</small>