My wife's pretty "vanilla", but that just means I need to get out the Hershey's syrup, some whipped cream, some cherries, maybe a few sprinkles, some strawberries. Vanilla is a great starting point. You can do anything with it.

And it's not just a question for women.

Most men, deep in their minds, want a woman who is June Cleaver in the kitchen and Marilyn Chambers in the bedroom. They want a "good" girl who knows how to be "bad", and when to be.

Just my opinion.

Oscar

Stunned dad
Don't change...everyone should be blessed to have a hubby as understanding and caring as you.

Monty don't give up..if your a nice guy don't let some women change you..take a clue from stunned.

I think we get tested along the road of life and come out stronger if we stay true to ourselves and to God..

God bless ya..and keep on keeping on..

bad things happen to good people too, is what one minister has said..and I agree..but in the end
we get our rewards..not here but in the hereafter.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Stunned dad, as the W of a "nice guy," I agree that a nice guy is what I want and what I chose. It brings stability into one's life. Especially, in my case, if you married to escape a very unstable home life with alcohol,etc. The issues I have in this relationship revolve around the "vanilla" issue and most importantly the lack of similar interests of any kind- except the children. According to H's IC, he is emotionally immature and doesn't take responsibility for much of anything. Yes, the"good" in him caused him to ignore me and our relationship for 21 years. He was married to his work.I brought it to his attention many times, that I needed the "connection" but, finally gave up trying. He saw no need- so, didn't bother. After this many years of having a wonderful "business" type arrangement, I have found myself wondering if "good" is indeed enough. I'm trying not to LB here, but, he literally has no hobbies, interests, interest to learn about things(huge need for me), etc. I could go on, but, I think this is enough. Yes, I've introduced chocolate syrup, etc. There is no interest. He is content with little and says he has no needs from me. This leaves little or no desire on my part to keep trying. Honestly, at this point, the children are the only thing that keep me hanging on. Yes, he is a nice guy. But, yes, being a man in the relationship, and being a willing participant are critical to me. Sorry if I've gotten off here, but, you all have been such a help to me over the past 10 months and I trust you can share insights with me. By the way, I am not a quitter, never have been. But, I feel myself slipping. Yeah, good guys are great. I just need a man. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ncgal:
<strong> Stunned dad, as the W of a "nice guy," I agree that a nice guy is what I want and what I chose. It brings stability into one's life. Especially, in my case, if you married to escape a very unstable home life with alcohol,etc. The issues I have in this relationship revolve around the "vanilla" issue and most importantly the lack of similar interests of any kind- except the children. According to H's IC, he is emotionally immature and doesn't take responsibility for much of anything. Yes, the"good" in him caused him to ignore me and our relationship for 21 years. He was married to his work.I brought it to his attention many times, that I needed the "connection" but, finally gave up trying. He saw no need- so, didn't bother. After this many years of having a wonderful "business" type arrangement, I have found myself wondering if "good" is indeed enough. I'm trying not to LB here, but, he literally has no hobbies, interests, interest to learn about things(huge need for me), etc. I could go on, but, I think this is enough. Yes, I've introduced chocolate syrup, etc. There is no interest. He is content with little and says he has no needs from me. This leaves little or no desire on my part to keep trying. Honestly, at this point, the children are the only thing that keep me hanging on. Yes, he is a nice guy. But, yes, being a man in the relationship, and being a willing participant are critical to me. Sorry if I've gotten off here, but, you all have been such a help to me over the past 10 months and I trust you can share insights with me. By the way, I am not a quitter, never have been. But, I feel myself slipping. Yeah, good guys are great. I just need a man. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think we would really have to nail down "nice guy...or gal". Just because someone is faithful, and works hard etc. doesn't make them "nice" if we are using the term to mean a healthy marital partner. In fact one could make the case your H is very NOT nice because he has emotionally starved you to death, and is a very selfish individual because he married someone to meet his needs (which appear to be nothing more than procreation, and a housekeeper/sitter), without any real interest in meeting theirs...just room and board like one would any valulable livestock.

But rather than go with those things, one could just decide your H has no capacity for the level of realtionship you need, and you just made a bad choice...not cause he is nice or not nice, but simply because he has no capacity to be a healthy intimate partner....IMO this is true for many men. They marry anyways, cause they want kids, and/or regular sex without all the hassle of dating...IMO that is something women need to really look hard at before marrying someone, when the "pursuit" is over (and the mask comes off), who are they really.

Hmmmmm. Now I'm wondering if maybe I'm not crazy after all. Yes, starved is how it feels. As for "nice"- H is faithful and hard working, does a fair share of housework, most of the yardwork and is very involved in our children's lives. He does all the "stuff" to help a household of 6 run. SO...how many women would make a trade??? See, this is where I get confused. Am I being unreasonable in that I can't seem to pull up a "connection?" If I were being perfectly honest, I have never had a strong physical attraction to H either. This sounds pathetic, doesn't it? Anyway, in my youth I figured I would "get over it" to get the stability. I have tried to put mind over matter in this dept as well as SF is near the top of my list. But, the "connection" again is not ther for me. My physical need is met though. Am I asking too much of this nice guy?? I'm groping.....