Hello all;
I ordered and received the book His Needs/ Her Needs. I learned tons of things that we did wrong in our marriage. I have been separated for 8 months, on Plan B for 3 months because my W is involved with OM for 5 months now. My W gave up on the M and refused counsoling saying that she couldn't put back feeling that weren't there anymore. I tried to tell her months ago that there were way to rebuild the marriage be she thought it was just a desperate attempt on my part to get her back.

I think if she knew what was addressed on the tapes that it would show her that the methods in them could and would probably work for us.

Question: Should I send her the tapes before she files for divorce or just let it ride since she is crazy mad over the OM. I'd hate to show them how to make a great relationship using the tapes.

What do you think?

Monty, I don't think now would be a good time to give her that information. It would come off as you trying to 'educate' her and probly as a desperate attempt to get her back.

You're in Plan B. The absence of you is important to that plan. Just work on you!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hope4future:
<strong>Monty, I don't think now would be a good time to give her that information. It would come off as you trying to 'educate' her and probly as a desperate attempt to get her back.

You're in Plan B. The absence of you is important to that plan. Just work on you!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yup, yer right. When nothing happens, I get antzy. Now that you mention it, WW would probably think that, as she doesn't want to hear anything from anyone that interferes with her affair. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Right...which means she'd use the opportunity to blast you. The whole thing would be an LB for both sides. And the LAST thing you want to do is give them tips on what they're doing wrong. Let them crash and burn their own way.

Monty:

Another book you should consider reading, for YOU, is "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch, particularly the chapters on "differentiation" and "building your crucible."

PM is something of a hard read at times, but it's very healthy emotionally.

Another couple of books that I found very useful were "The Truth About Relationships" by Greg Baer and "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Baer's book is about unconditional love, a controversial subject on this forum and very misunders2d in my view. But mainly it's a straightforward text about personal responsibility and building healthy relationships. Tolle's book is about not dwelling in what he calls "psychological time" by dwelling on the past or worrying about the fu2re. By focusing on the NOW, where we all live anyway, he helped me shed a lot of the worry I had caused by my imagination of what my WW was "doing behind my back" during her A. Very liberating.

regards,
-2long