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Evidence mounts. On my streetcorner, believe it or not, is OW's red Toyota for sale. Could be she bought a new one, but it's part of a mounting body of evidence that she's split for her fatherland. "Ciao, bella, ciao, bella, ciao! Ciao! Ciao! Ciao!" as the song goes.
I sent a kindly stall note to H about his stuff. I do have a deadline tomorrow that I have to work on, and another on Thursday, plus all sorts of house and financial stuff coming down this week.
But now it does suggest he's moving. And he clearly does not wish a reconciliation. He seems to be going out of his way to be not-straightforward about his plans. So again, why not just tell me straight out: I don't want a reconciliation; I want a divorce? Partly, he could be humiliated by all that's happened with OW dumping him -- but that's a long shot.
Moving out all his stuff -- including marital stuff, that we will split but I do have feelings about -- seems unwise since his situation is still unstable. For all I know, he may follow OW to her fatherland, and I don't feel like losing family heirlooms (for his family is as dear as my own) and crystal to strangers while he's in a weird frame of mind. But he does seem to want permanent closure on this marriage. When he files, I will have no choice. (Redhat, you said he could get a court order. My D says he's too lazy for that!)
I think I'll be able to get him some stuff for his new digs before he leaves for a month -- or perhaps while he's gone. I really don't know what's going on, but I'm trying to put together the pieces. Maybe three weeks will give him time to think -- but again, there's no indication he's changing his mind. None that I see, anyway. Perhaps it's for the best.
He's never brought up the D word. I'm tempted to ask him to file myself. I don't see any footsteps coming back, and it would be a long hard road back, anyway.
Any wise words?
<small>[ October 14, 2003, 06:15 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>
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Don't you love this time of year... that full crisp bright moon... the leaves blowing... the colors in the sun against that blue blue sky the gone in an instant smell in the air of the promise of snow...gone as quickly as it comes... the lit pumpkins in the windows... oh crud you live on the sunny west coast eh... come north with me AM....and see and smell what I see.. cause there's one more thing i want to show you... toilet paper flying in the limbs of trees... soap on the windows... eggs smashed on the ground... oh the delights of FALL...HALLOWEEN....and my favorite of all.... DEVILS NIGHT... wonder what are all the possible color combinations of a red toyota and toilet paper. hmmmmm.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Ms Martin you are plan b.... you sent the kind reply to his e-mail... and here you sit...thinking thinking thinking thinking thinking thinking thinking thinking of him.. Your husband sound sad and lost...and yet no matter what you can't save him right now... especially if he doens't know he needs saved yet... I send you serenity... and keep you in my prayers... which sounds way to new age for my liking... but I do mean it this time... ARK
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Thanks for the prayers. Non-New Age ones are the best.
But in our little village of Anatevka, there are better places to sell your car than my particular street corner. OW's D & SIL might be trying to send me a message -- as with dinner invitation two weeks ago.
But that's more thinking, isn't it?
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And what does Plan B mean when the A is over? Plan B is, at least in part, an attempt to separate WS and floozy.
When floozy and WS have separated -- what then?
Do I NC him FOREVER? I'm not sure that wouldn't be a good idea.
He hasn't committed to recovery -- and it looks like he never will.
So....OW may be gone, but I'm still in a strange limbo.
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AM -
Plan B is about you.
What do you like about yourself?
What do you hate about yourself?
What do you want to keep forever in yourself?
What do you want to sell on the street corner? (Hee!)
YOU are wrapped around WH's little finger right now! I know exactly how it feels, 'cause I've been there (and go back there with some regularity). Just sit still, though! Remember, WH and OW are BORING. Boring boring boring boring.
WH might get interesting again if he learns anything from all this crap, but you cannot (CANNOT) help with that! Remember the stuff you wrote a few weeks ago when we were all helping with the Plan B letter? You were saying it's OVER and you NEVER want to think about him again.
Well, guess what? STAY THERE!!!!
He wants you to think about him right now. Don't. If you need help not thinking about him, I've got LOTS of crude (and not-so-crude) suggestions for you.
Oh, and all your marital stuff? It's pretty straightforward, I would think. Tell him to itemize the things he wants in a paper letter. Let him know you'll veto anything that you want to keep and will have the rest available to him on X date. Also let him know that you'll be sorting through the remainder of the items in the household and will be putting things you no longer want out for the trash pickup each week.
Then, DO IT. And make absolutely certain that you are NEVER home between when you put out the trash and when it's picked up. If he wants to know what you're throwing away, that's absolutely fine. But YOU don't need to know about it.
And no, DO NOT FILE. If you start to feel like you want to, FILE YOUR NAILS!!!!
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Oh, J, DO tell me your crude suggestions! I'm ever so curious.
Be tacky. It's on me.
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Oh.... all right. 1. Buy a whole case of various kinds of beans. Try one each night and decide which farts are the most pleasing to you. 2. http://www.mybodyvibes.com/3. http://www.jaguarusa.com/us/4. http://www.farts.com/5. http://www.laughnet.net/crude.htm6. Take a bubble bath. Oh wait, that's not crude. Uhmmmmm, fart while you're in the bath!! Sorry, that's about as far as I can take this, as I suspect that my -really- crude suggestions (all along the lines of #2 up there) would probably get censored.
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Welp...not really my style! But I might be up for anything at this point.
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Not even the Jaguar? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> None of that stuff is really my style either, but you did want crude suggestions. Here are some less-crude ones:
1. Bubble baths.
2. Yoga and tai chi.
3. Driving long distances with the radio playing loud.
4. Painting.
5. Singing in the shower.
6. Planting flowers.
7. Taking pictures.
8. Walking or running or swimmimg or biking.
9. Going to watch babies play at the playground or the Y.
10. Ice cream cones.
11. The zoo.
12. Book stores. In the trashy fiction section, not the marital self-help section!
13. Feng shui.
14. Astrophysics, mathematics, chemistry, or any other scientific field.
15. Tetris.
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Hi A.M.
I haven't been on for awhile - just checking in to see what's happening in your situation. I agree with the others that you should try not to think about it - but, for course, what human can do that?
"Don't think!"
... is such an impossible command to follow.
-AD
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