I'm reallt struggling to understand how adulterers can be so cold to the person they vowed to love, honor and obey, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. I am so angry I can't stand myself. I am angry at me for my neglect of my wife, I am angry at my wife for her insane behaviour, and I am really angry at this scemeing, conning, manipulateing little f#&$#er for destroying what was my family.<BR>I know it's this terrible disease of ADDICTION oh how cunning baffleing and powerful it is. It turns kind gentle people into the worst kind of beings imaginable. I probably broke every love buster in the book. I am grateful for one thing, my W is at least honest enough to tell me where she is(at her 17 year olds house). I hope she has terrible nightmares tonight. I pray God gives her no peace until she starts living in his will. why,why,why,why,why,why!!!!! I know why not! I am going to plan B. Hopefully when the fog lifts for her and she realises what a total looser this kid is she will come back and rebuild our family. I love her so much I cam't stand it I guess thats why it hurts so much. Thank you all for letting me vent some anger, I feel a little better. She had a pumpkin she picked with him on there last weekend together(a month ago)well its now smashed into pumpkin cream in our driveway. I am now going to get some sleep.NOT! Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.<P>------------------<BR>BB

BB,<P>I know your pain...<BR>So many here know your pain...<BR><B>You</B> are not alone...<P>I know you're rather new here (9 posts as per your profile)...<P>You need a litte time to stop...<BR>to reflect...<BR>to ask yourself... what do you really want.<P>If you want revenge... if you want hatred... if you want to push your wife away... continue with you plans...<P>I think you need to slow down...<BR>Reconsider where you stand... and more importantly where you want to go!<P>Most people... need to have some Plan A time.... some can go straight to Plan B with success... but most realize a little "A" is what they need.<P>I'm praying for you tonight. On my discovery night... it was 10 minutes of sleep! The worst 10 minutes I have ever had!<P>Know there are people here who care...<BR>who want to give you advice...<BR>who love you for who you are...<P>You've hit a very low low!<BR>Come here often... post... learn... read...<BR>Take just a little more time to think about the right course of action... for you...<P>You emotions are HIGH HIGH HIGH!<BR>When you come down a little... <BR>Give all of us a chance to help!<P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

Thanks Jim,<BR> It,s been a month and my wife wants to separate. She is unwilling to end it until we live appart. I want my marriage to live up to the promiosses of Dr. Harleys book.<BR>I got sll my anger and hatred out for now.<BR>I wrote my W aletter with no LBs' in it she will read it I doubt it will effect her. I can only pray it does.<P>------------------<BR>BB

WilliamJ - Jim's got some really good advice. The pain is awful. A month's not really very long. <P>Take some time for yourself. To begin to heal a little.<P>Wishing you peace.<P>Lori

Hey WilliamJ,<P>I'm not a lawyer, but i'm thinking 17 might be considered a minor. If so, your W could be breaking the law. Not sure what, if anything, this does for your situation, but she could get herself in some very serious trouble.

BB,<P>You are more right than you think when you say <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I doubt it will effect her.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>If you also think <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>She is unwilling to end it until we live appart<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> with this she will end it <B>when</B> she is apart from you... don't be too supprised when it doesn't end... or if it escalates a bit more... sorry. <P>You can't force her to stay... but try Plan A-ing as much as possible while she is home... I didn't (since I knew nothing of MB at the time... and doing things the wrong way.) Now she's been out for 2 1/2 months... and long distance Plan A-ing is much harder!<P>Hang tough with us here...<BR>I'm still praying for you... <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited November 12, 1999).]

Ummm . . . I'm kinda with nlitend here. Perhaps it's time the parents of your W's OM know what's going on. As for the age factor, it depends on what state you live in. Some states say 18 is the age of majority, and for some states it's as young as 16. Your W really oughta be careful here. Statutory rape is a STRICT LIABILITY offense, and women can be convicted of it just like men.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P><BR>

Thanks ya'll for the imput,<BR> FYI, I did speak to an attorney, he said in NC, the parents have to prosecute. This BOYS parents don't really care about him. He has been on his own for some time. He also spent 9 months in jail. This started out as my W mothering/big sistering him. He had a crush on her the whole summer, he decided to rollthe dice and it payed off for him. He is a full blown alcoholic and drug addict. Add second dimension to this, my W who also is co-dependant due to my years of drug addiction, whants to fix him. Add third dimension,she is also recovering drug addict in a mental relapse, can't break the compulsive obsession for this BOY. She has been honest enough to tell me this, and I do appritiate that. No I don't think she will end it if we separate. Moreover I have been able to stay out of denial, thanks to Dr. Harley's succinct analogies of the mind and behavior of adulterers. She did read my letter this morning and thanked me for it. I am opening myself up to her, allowing myself to be vulnerable, something I didn't do before all this. I will continue to plan-A her, it does have some positive effects eroding her walls toward me. I am doing the things she always wanted me to do for myself.My motives are pure it's stuff God has been wanting me to do for a log time and I do have alot of peace because of that. I can only imagine the crap this KID is saying to her. I know he is a con-artist thats one of the things he went to jail for. I know if I keep doing what God requires of my I will eventually be more attractive to her than this criminal CHILD. She wants to do the right thing, however her addiction(disease) won't allow her to. I know alot about addiction, it wants us to avoid the "pain" of living at all costs. This relationship is pure fantacy< albeit the feelings are real to her. I know fantacy Was my first drug and one I've used sice I've been clean to get me out of today and life's "pain". She has told me these things herself. So I really do empathise With her, I weouldn't want to be in her shoes. She is powerless, powerlessness means doing things against our own will, and it's a terribly frightening place to be. She has told me fear rules her day. I have devised a simple prayer, well actualy my wonderful sister-in-law gave me the idea. It goes "God give her no peace until she lives in Your will". I konw it's kind of devious but it applies. So iI will continue to Plan-A her and endure the searing pain. God has blessed me with alot of growth already and I know he won't give me more pain than I can handle at one time. "God Wastes No Wound". Thank you ALL for allowing me to get to know you, and you to get to know me. In NA wehave a saying "pain shared is pain lessened". I'll keep sharing, and coming back. <BR> I love you all,<BR> Thanks, <P>------------------<BR>BB