I just found out last night that WH wants the title to our extra car so he can sell it to pay for a divorce. We are in no contact so I found this out from our 3rd party. It is just killing me. Dr. uped my meds from 75 mg to 150mg today. Just when I thought I was doing better this comes up. The car is in just his name so even if i don't give him the title he will file for a lost title and sell it anyway. I am just feeling so used. I feel like all of plan A I was lied to and I feel as if any SF was actually rape. I was willing at the time but I just feel like he lied the entire time we were in plan A. I am just so down today. I did get up and do my hair and put my makeup on and get to the Dr. apt. then went for lunch with my sis. I am just feeling like it is over. I can not believe that I have no say in this situation. I feel like it has rendered me helpless. Now I will be a failure at my marriage even though I am willing to fix it. I am told my WH is always asking how I am doing. I told 3rd party it was none of his business how I am doing. He gave up the right to know things about me once he went back with her. His aunt said I was his safety net and he was only with me while he could not be with her. She says he has grown apart from me and will never want to be part of my life again. Before today I still held on to the hope that I would get the chance to work on my marriage. Today I feel like all hope is gone.
Now 3 wks into plan B here I sit even more depressed. I am making myself go out and do things. But today I am so down I feel like I am below ground.

absolutly no contact with WH since 2nd d-day.

LFT

<small>[ October 24, 2003, 09:30 AM: Message edited by: lookingfortruth ]</small>

I am so sorry!! I can't offer much help but just know that someone in IL is going throught pretty much the same thing. My H is leaving tomorrow to see the OW and OC out of state. He promises to return but you know how that could go! I also feel empty and helpless. The only thing I can tell myself and you is to REFUSE to let this destroy you! We have many more wonderful things to be thankful for! I feel you pain and I understand! We will come out on top of this eventually and we'll be stronger women because of it!

I'm here for you! Picture me giving you BIG HUG!!!

I just found out last night that WH wants the title to our extra car so he can sell it to pay for a divorce.
If your name is on the title also, don't let him have it. If it comes to divorce, 1/2 of it is yours. If he sells it now, then you may lose out.

Diamond I am in Illinois too. I will pray for your sitch.

Chris the car is only in his name so it is gone all he has to do is apply for a lost title.

LFT

Maybe I'm wrong, but from what I have learned whatever is aquired during the marriage is 1/2 yours. My WS has purchased several expensive motorcycles and they are in his name only but I still would receive half their value. Do you have a seperation agreement to protect your rights.
km4

We have no seperation agreement and I am told there is no such thing in Illinois. Lawyer said we are simply married till we are divorced and it is all marital property.

Hey,

Who is this Aunt

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> His aunt said I was his safety net and he was only with me while he could not be with her. She says he has grown apart from me and will never want to be part of my life again. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And how does she know this? Does she have a special link that enables her to know what people are thinking or doing? Or is she just going on what she's learned in the latest soap opera.

Hope she's not your 3rd party. Hope your 3rd party is someone you can trust and not undermining your efforts of wanting to save your M.

unfortunatley she is our 3rd party. She wants me to tell him to go to h#ll. She is pissed about how he has hurt me. But she is the only person that is still speaking to him. He is her nephew. That is really the only 3rd party available. I trust her w/ money. I just think the other things are her way of trying to protect me from his further abuse in the future. by abuse I mean emotional. If I had listened to her back in August I would not have been hurt so bad by my Plan A. And my beleiving what my WH told me. Some days I just don't know what to think or who to believe. I am going to believe it is over and hope it is not.

I was afraid of that. She may be throwing in her two cents worth everytime she passes along a message to him..."She says she needs the last bank statement, and that she never wants to see you again."

Can you find another 3rd party? Work something out that you can talk directly with him? In her own infinite wisdom she may be working very hard to make sure you D, because he is bad. She is working on you it sounds like. Perhaps working together on how to D is appropriate now...you may need to converse in the future, it's a good time to figure out how to do it.

Unless, you want to D and have nothing further to do with him, then this situation seems the best.

But plan B is no contact. Maybe I can see if there is a friend willing to do this. But he will still go to his aunt for advice reguardless of what or who we use to be our 3rd party. Boy do I hate all of this game playing. Right now I want no contact with him because he is mean and hurtful when we are in contact while in the affair.

Anyway that is where I am at. I will look for another 3rd party.

LFT

A D settlement is just a piece of paper, just like a M license. You are either committed or not, and just because a knee-jerk D happens before the A has lived out it's usefulness, doesn't mean it's too late.

There are folks that reconcile after a D. It could be threatening a D is his hope to shake you up.

Perhaps also a talk with Aunt about boundaries and to not share anything with him about you, is appropriate.

Why would he want to "shake me up"? Do you mean trying to get me to contact him? Trying to get me to break my plan B? I will talk to his aunt.

Well I am feeling better today. I told his aunt I misplaced the title. I told her to tell him I did not want a divorce but could not stop him. I also hinted that someone had asked me on a date and I had not given them an answer yet. That was probably bad. But I figure these 2 things will cause lots of LB's between the 2 of them. Hopefully.

I am having a bad day. WH is not planning on giving any financial support at all. I am calling the lawyer today. Furthermore he wants all of the utilities out of his name or he will shut them all off. I am hurting bad today. It just further shows his lack of care for me. The OW's divorce is not final for 2 to 4 wks. OWH wrote me a letter and I responded. OW saw the envelope and begged her H to let her read it but he refused. She now thinks her H and I have something going on. It was simply a letter telling the other one what we knew about the situation. And where we all stood. My H called but did not leave a message yesterday and I did not return his call. He probably just wanted to call and be further hurtful. Can anyone tell me what to do with anger so as not to let it consume you? The pit of my stomach feels so heavy. I just don't know what to do. I am still looking for employment. I am still keeping active. Babysitting nephew, spending time w/ family, playing w/ the horses, ect. I am working on myself trying to lose some weight, trying to be a better person. But what else do I do?

I am feeling very confused today. Found out WH has been engaged to OW since July 1st. He has no money to give me because they have been going away on weekend vacations everyweekend. I hear OW is already on the prowl for another OM. Both WH and OW are livid that OW'H and I are talking. Both jealous as hell and scared of us comparing notes as they should be. I am thinking of just giving up and filing for divorce myself and taking him for all he is worth. I feel like I want to make his life as miserable as he has made mine. I know he has yet to actually visit the lawyer he wants to use and this is the OW's lawyer so I don't know if he can even handle the case as it may be a conflict of interest. The way I feel today the OW and my WH can both just go to he**. I don't want to file while I am emotional but it seems like the only option. Every day I get a little closer to thinking that I can never trust him again. He has told so many lies that I don't know what the truth is. I know that no one can make this decision but me... but does anyone have any thoughts.

Just one: your husband is not engaged. He is married. He will not be free to become engaged until after his divorce is final.

Oh here's another. Don't make any decisions while you are distraught.

lookingfortruth,

We might never find out the truth and we have to accept that. (It is beyond our control)

We might never be able to salvage our M and we have to accept that. (It is beyond our control)

It is not about what has been thrust upon us but what we do to prevail. As long as we know that we try our best, we will have no regret regardless the outcome.

You should not have contact w/ OWH unless there is major even like someone filing Dv or A is dead. Otherwise both of you will be in the soap opera and not as the audience. Certainly you can't handle this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . Even you are in plan B and your WH can't LB'ed ... by "snooping" on their activity, WH LB'ed and drained you LB$.

Just my 2¢.
-rh-

In other words, get your popcorn, your giant-size Coke, and your lawn chair. Watch the show unfold!

Read here about PLAN B and do it. Focus in on yourself and what you can do to make yourself happy. If you want your marriage, let him file for divorce. That will be his choice. Don't act hastily at this time as others have said. The chances of his A lasting are slim to none unless you make it easy for him to be rid of you by filing for divorce. Remember focus in on you and what is best for you. I know it's hard to do. Keep trying to GET BACK UP ON THE HORSE as I used to say during my PLAN B.

I think filing is the only way to protect myself financially. I am going to talk to a lawer and see what they have to say. WH is threatening to shut my power off. I do not "know" if I want him back. I know I don't want him back if he is not willing to change and work on things. I know they will not last. The OW has had atleast 3 affairs that her H knows about. And many more suspected. Both OW and WH act like children. Her H and I have been the responsible ones in the marriage. The Ow and WH together are like a couple of 15 yr olds and will not survive financially, emotionally, housework wise together. But in thinking about it I deserve so much better than WH. I deserve someone who loves me and treats me better. I don't have my heart set on divorce. But I just don't see any other way. If it helps I live in Illinois. I guess maybe my lawyer will be able to tell me if I can protect myself other ways. I hate all the ???? in my head. I am in counseling. He thinks it is good for my health that I am doing this. I don't know if tomorrow he come home if I would let him in. I can not stand to see him and be human right now. I just don't know!