Forever - In answer to your question, H and I have been active Christians since many years - I have always been one and he became a Christian in the Navy. We belong to a conservative, evangelical church and have been every Sunday and I go to a women's bible study during the week. My bible study women know about A. I still go to church, H stopped going at start of A. H met OW while walking our dog. Her H had just been called up for active duty, and my H and her started talking every day, then started A. H basically abandonded marriage, was gone after work and all weekend. About once a week he would come by and say he loved me, wanted to get back together, etc. But he still was seeing OW every day. During this time he stopped giving me any money, spent it all on her. After 3 months I told him to leave until he could have NC with OW. He came by the next day and said he was breaking up with her - they went to motel to break up. But the next day they were out again together. I gave him Plan B letter. He said he would go to counseling, but did not show up on the day we had appointment. When I asked him how this could happen to us he said we had a good marriage, I was a good wife, a godly woman, but he just didn't guard his heart. So anyway haven't seen or heard from him for two weeksI do talk to OW's H frequently and A is still going on. OW has her stuff at home with H and daughter, but is mostly gone with my H. I am at a dead end of what to do. Of course I am praying. More than the A, what hurts me is his complete lack of remorse, loss of contact with my grandchildren (his kids blame me, saying "I know you are hurt, but Dad didn't mean for this to happen).

I heard Harley make a comment on the radio recently that matches my experience: that real Christians can have affairs, but cannot sustain them. The Holy Spirit will not let them get a way with it, and eventually, they will be convicted of their sin and repent. If they never repent, then you can be sure that their faith was not genuine.

I can sit in the garage every day going "Vrrroom! Vrrroom!", but that does not make me a car.

My friends tell me "move on" and I have had many tell me get out & meet men, do the personals thing etc. But I can't. No way. I feel somewhat like "Lost-without-her". Ex-H had affair & denied it still. I put the puzzle pieces together over 2 1/2 years. Didnt want Divorce. But he made NO effort to change, work on things etc. Just ran off to be with OW. Its been almost 3 yrs since their affair began & he pulled away from me, but only 7 months since Divorce was final. He still calls me every so often so ask how I am (Unemployed since June). It is very hard to let go. I think of him often but make every effort to leave him alone & not call or email him. He refused to tell me where he lives. (No doubt I'd see OW vehicle at his place).

ANyway, I try to stay busy. My house and yard need plenty of attention. After 15 years, I forgot who I am, when Im no longer "Mrs. XYZ". I am still looking for her! Restarted my interest in crafts & photos etc. But I do get desperately lonely/alone at night. I have had insomnia for months. His warmth is no longer beside me, nor the sound of him breathing (or snoring!) & I get crying fits rather often. But Im sure ex-H has no clue of the emotional devastation. On the outside, I look like Im getting by okay. But I feel I need to be secure in myself again before anything else.

I dont think you should jump into a situation of male company at the moment. It would be a rebound thing. Discover a new you. Go out & do new things - take a class, join a club etc. Keep your mind busy on other things. Listen to Orchid. She probably doesnt remember me ("Can't let Go") but was a great help when my ex-H was still home when it all started & I could barely breathe, let alone think straight.

I see alot of discussion about religion. Someone said advice to Christian/non Christian would be different! Huh? Do we not all believe in One God? Just because someone is not a certain denomination, doesnt mean they're a heathen!!?

ANyway, Beleiver: I think there is a program that would benefit you greatly, even though you are not divorced. It's called "DivorceCare". Look it up at "www.divorcecare.org Local churches offer this program. It is a series of 12 videos about the subjects of relationships/divorce such as finances, trust, lonliness etc. and does have some mention of God in our lives in it. Get the workbook. It is great. Has lots of Bible quotes & questions to answer. After the video, the group has a discussion & you can share your story or tell what you got from the video. It was very supportive for me and Im actually not devoutly religious!! On a separate general note, check out the book " A Purpose Driven Life". I think you will find a lot of meaning it it.

Don't be over influenced by the voice of "them", what you think those "other people" say you should or shouldnt do. None of us know all the details. What is in your heart and what steps do you need to take for yourself to be emotionally stable and at peace. (But I do agree, no new male relationships for quite a while).

One foot in front of the other, One Day at a Time.

CLG.