Well late last week I though the affair was crumbling as OM wife told me that her husband had been opening up to her but wasn't sure what he wanted or could do.

My take was he wanted to make sure he was left with something. My WW or his wife. Fence sitting.


Well OM wife called me last night and now he say's he's happy with my WW. That lifes great, etc. etc.

My question,

Why does the OM need to sell how good his relationship is with my WW to his own wife, yet at the same time is acting angry and mean to his wife?

The OM when talking to his wife goes from how great his relationship is with my WW and how happy he is to wanting his marriage to angry and mean outburst towards his own wife.


Is this just the fog crap??

Yup!

Very typical. She needs to go VERY DARK so he can find out that your WW doesn't have the capability to fill all his needs. Just talking to him keeps him reassured that there is hope and as long as there is hope he can stay and play as long as he wants. She is prolonging the affair with her contact.

F*O*G

Let me guess he's trying to sell his BW on the idea of an open marriage too.

As the BW I heard and experienced all of the things you describe .. IMO the anger he displays to his BW, while saying the marriage is great -- is dehumanizing the "enemy" to make his A more justified and palatable to himself and where-ever his conscience is right now.

I agree both of you BSs need to go very dark.

way2

He feels he's losing or lost control of his W and has switched tactics from that of begging his W to take him back to being mean to her and telling her he's happier with your WW. If his W goes back to Plan B and no contact, it would not be surprising if he switches back to kindly WH mode.

Well it seems like you've confirmed most of what I thought.

I did tell her to go dark for herself and for all the other reasons associated with Plan B. I think she's starting to relize that until he makes a commitment to leave my WW - no contact. Nothing they talk about has any merit.

It's funny last week he wants his wife to travel and go see him or he could try and get away and see her, then this week he's in love with my WW again and is happy as pie.

BTW - there now living together as OM told his wife that he can't talk to her a night anymore. Thing is my WW moved in with him so no matter how unhappy he is he can't simple leave. She did keep her place at least for now.

gguy:

Get yourself one of those drinks with the little paper umbrella in it - a tall one - find a good vantage point with a comfy adirondack chair and some shade, and watch the train wreck.

Just don't dwell, while watching the show, okay? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

♥2long

Hmm ... my favorite time, get a chips and salsa and maybe a few bottle of corona and enjoy the telenovellas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

-rh-

Salsa, corona, chips and a nice chair how can I say no.


What do you think my WW is feeling within this relationship?

Could she be blind to how he's feeling like I was to her affair? Though I could tell something was not right with my wife at the time.

His reactions are very close to those of an addict. Limited logical thought process, not my fault, I'm right and scr*w anyone who can't see what I'm doing is right, emotional instability, can't leave what's making him unhappy, etc. etc.

gguy:

"What do you think my WW is feeling within this relationship?"

Not important. What I want 2 know is what is Goodguy feeling/doing while this is going on? For YOU, not for her.

"Could she be blind to how he's feeling like I was to her affair?"

Probably.

"Though I could tell something was not right with my wife at the time."

So could I, but I didn't want 2 really believe it, so I fogged myself in. I needed 2 stop worrying about "why" and start focusing on bettering myself. Still not finished.

"His reactions are very close to those of an addict. Limited logical thought process, not my fault, I'm right and scr*w anyone who can't see what I'm doing is right, emotional instability, can't leave what's making him unhappy, etc. etc. "

So, since you can't fix HIM, get that chair and enjoy the wreck! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-2long

2Long,

I'm doing very well I must say.

Physicaly I'm in good shape. Eating well, sleeping well.

Mentaly I'm also doing well. I can see beyond today and things look good with or without my WW. Not there yet but I still have all my/our friends support, my family and some support from WW family.

I think if OM wife goes dark then the next big crash should come in early December. After all without families support were are the love birds going for Christmas. They spent thanksgiving together allready.

This would also be about the same time as the discussion as to what to do with two appartments. Both leases come up in April/May. The next level of commitment.

goodguy007,

You know that she is in 'coaster along w/ OM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . So pull up your chair and read about my ExW (telenovelas) ...

My ExW is not happy ... my kids tell me so. But she sticked w/ OM. Their R (I called it R now) survive 2 black eyes and 1 bruise rib and 1 teeth bite on the arm. Now the judge has decreased the SS/CS ... it blew up their plan on living out of me. I added the fuel by stopping the payment since I was overpay her. So OM has to cough up the money that he doesn't have to support my ExW ... trouble in paradise. She tought that she could get $70K plus half of my asset ... dream on and she rejected the mediator suggested split plus $15K !!!! ... we are going to trial that the date can't be set yet (sometime next year) and all asset is frozen <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Now OM was at his son party w/ a stripper and drulling over teen girls (his D's freinds), go home half drunk 'till 3:00AM on MY ExW Bday !.

Many stories like this and make people wonder ... why she put up with it ? but I don't need to know the answer. AND I STAY DARK !. Even I don't want her at all I stay dark, I don't want to be sucked up in her 'coaster ... no thank you.

-rh-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"What do you think my WW is feeling within this relationship?" </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well I think right now she is chewing on a large plate of reality without the affair side dish of fantasy.

Now the two of them will see what it is really like and what they are really like.

And odds are that is when its going to hit them that this was just a bunch of foggy fantasy.