SOmetime ago I cheated on my fiance. Then I found out he cheated on me with a merried woman. WHen I found out I attempted at using Plan A. But I wonder if it is best to try to save a relationship when 2 people aren't married and the other is having a hard time letting go of an affair. Also the OW is very controlling and my fiance is passive. SHould I subject myself to trying to help him get out of this because he says he wants to keep working on us. But his actions say otherwise. Recently he started working on it but I still don't trust him. can this thing turn around?

While no one can choose the perfect partner, I think its always best to choose the ones with traits that I most admire. For example, fidelity is a very important trait to me in a marriage. Therefore, I am not going to choose a mate who practices infidelity. The same with woman beating. I don't think I would like to get beat up so I would not choose to marry a wife beater. But, thats just me.

Its all a process of discrimination in choosing a mate. You just have to look for a partner with the traits you like the most and eliminate those who have traits you can't live with. If you can live with infidelity and otherwise care for this man, I would by all means marry him! Monogamy just isn't so important to some women, maybe it isn't important to you. Only you know the answer to that.

Otherwise, I would wake up and recognize that you can't change anyone and what you see is what you will get.

I think you need to figure out why you cheated on him in the first place and then why he decided to cheat on you. You won't get very far if you can't answer those questions, especially if he is still in an A.

I like Melody's- "What you see is what you get." There is no changing someone, they have to want to do it for themselves and then follow through with it.

I have recently become a strong believer in no pre-marital sex/living together. If you're already having infidelity issues without being married, what's to say either of you will honor that vow when you're married? Since you've already crossed those bridges there is no going back. And if both of you think it is ok to be unfaithful now, marriage is not going to change that. People may think "oh I'll change once I'm married" but it doesn't happen.

Marriage is more then just a piece of paper, it's a commitment to vows taken before God.

Why do you try 2 make this work ?.

There are red flags in relationship. This one is a deal breaker. What you get now in R (during courting) is the best indicator what you are going to get from him ... and it will go down hill from here on.

If you still want this man, I suggest you to separate if you are livin together ... break up this relationship .... and start over. Let him start over to court you ... if he won't you know the answer.

Dr. phil said that we set ourself up how other treats us.

-rh-