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If you are one of those folks who's followed my story since the beginning (TMCM, 2long, Lisa in London, Orchid, etc) please pop over to my thread on emotional needs and read my last few posts.....I'd appreciate your thoughts, but if you plan to attack me because you think I'm an idiot, perhaps don't bother. Jen's EN Thread Jen
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Jen: I'm in a goofy mood 2day (Halloween does that 2 me!), so: can I attack because I think *I* am an idiot??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'll check out your posts. Take care, -2long
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Me too 2long... Jen, what if we think you are idiot..but don't post...is that OK... or what if I know I am idiot...can I post...or not...? what if I think 2long is an idiot...can I post then... should I post before or after him? If anyone feels like calling me an idiot at any time feel free to do so... that's usually what I go as every halloween... no costume required.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> all of this is said in jest... please don't take ANY of it seriously.. will read your posts Jen some time this weekend... cause I'll be the idiot working ... every village needs atleast one... blessings to you. ARK
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"Ark, you're beautiful." Even WITH the drool! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ♣-2long
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Oh my God..I didn't realize you could see the drooly part... as Homer would exclaim...DOH!!! idiot-savant, some might even say...not many... but someone might say it applies to me... maybe another idiot... Jen, no one,... NO-ONE!! can thread jack a post into stupidity better than me... sending my sincere apologies... ARK (though 2long started it..) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
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Jen,
You're in Canada, right?
Let me know of a time you can meet me on the Ladies Board in chat. I'm in AZ in the States, and I'll bend over backwards to meet you ... please make some time to do this.
I'm not going to slam you, not at all, but I would like to talk to you in a supportive setting ... not this one where everyone seems to be slamming you all around.
Let me know what you think. We've spoken briefly in that chat room before ... I admire all that you have done to save your marriage.
Hope to hear from you soon.
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Jen at my ripe old age of 45 I see you more as a daughter than a contemporary, BUT that doesn't mean that I don't respect your views, even though I sometimes differ with them. In the time you've been here I have gained more respect for you because YOUR ARE A TRUE MARRIAGE BUILDER.
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Sealfan, I'm in Canada yes. My computer doesn't really work so well with the ladies chat, it works on a delay, and crashes the internet browser all the time. It would be easier if you could just post to me, or if you have MSN perhaps.
With a day or so of perspective, I am realizing AGAIN that I just don't want to be with my H, not the way he is now. I want to go ahead with the divorce. I shouldn't care about how he feels about it if he isn't willing to take ACTIONS to prove to me that it would be worth my while to stay married to him. I don't want to live the rest of my life manipulated by fear and guilt, and that is what it would be like with him.
Jen
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Jen,
If you can't get rid of the problem why don't you stay away from the problem ?. Moving down south maybe an alternative ... sunny NorCal ? or wet Seattle ? or dry Az ?.
I had a falling off w/ my family 14 years ago and I moved thousands of miles away from home.
-rh-
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by T00MuchCoffeeMan: <strong> Jen at my ripe old age of 45 I see you more as a daughter than a contemporary, BUT that doesn't mean that I don't respect your views, even though I sometimes differ with them. In the time you've been here I have gained more respect for you because YOUR ARE A TRUE MARRIAGE BUILDER. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TMCM, I resemble that remark. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Dear Jen, Slamming you is not my style, hon. I tend to kill with kindness but I like you way too much so I will go over and see your post. Thank you for thinking of me. You are one of the young'un's I think about often. It w/b my pleasure to help out any way I can. ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Hugz, L.
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Jen, I read your post...you got a lot of good advice...(and some not so nice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) I also see where you have grown in leaps and bounds and can more strongly identify what is tolerable and intolerable in your life... I agree mostly that words can be cheap and it is our actions that define... even his words of being so proud of you as a wife...and his actions not equaling that thought...is what it is... It can only serve good to you when he says that to you..and follows it up with how he realizes now that thinking or even saying that is a far different beast than living it and showing it.. no guilt...that his alone to claim... and you have and are claiming yours...seeing clearly how your actions were different from your thoughts and emotions... so you are left with the bittersweetness that while you can accept he may have thought that...that his actions did not meet that....and we should live that our thoughts equal our actions especially in the fieldmine of love... and you have learned this lesson where he still needs to. Jen people get up tight with sexual contact...that is your boundary alone to choose and define...NO ONE can do that but you... people will have a hard time supporting it when you speak of the pain it causes you...but that's again because we "care"...not because the act in and of itself is wrong... but because when you feel it does you more damage than good...then you should draw the boundary... I admire your growth.. I could have been you in many ways when I was new in marriage.... moving forward in divorce Jen...may seem like a closing but you may actually be opening doors to the marriage you desire...even with him..it's always possible... what's that cheesey saying.. every exit door is an entrance to something else on the other side.... ARK
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Jen, the letter is fine.
His words are encouraging, but not enough right now.
Stay the course and allow the divorce procedure to continue, it's not final until it's final and could be stopped at any point you choose.
BUT, you might want to view this as a "last ditch" effort to reach him. The finality of the process is like a fast approaching train to him, and he is glued to the tracks with no way to avoid it. Do not allow him to switch you to a sidetrack. This is the time that he becomes "superman" or is flattened by the train.
IF there is any way to save this marriage, it will take continued effort on your part to change yourself (read totally surrender to God here) AND very real, very dramatic, and very substantial change in your husband. The ball is in his court. Either he faces up to his faults and begins to address them, or the train will rearrange him all by itself.
Jen, you have every right to be treated as a wife, if you are to stay married. You know from pasts posts that I have sent that I think your husband is very far from God, perhaps never truly accepted Christ in the first place.
I cannot see your marriage surviving without both of you firmly committing to following God's commands in humble submission to HIS will. Your own wills have dominated both of you for far too long. You are beginning to get it right, but your husband still has a long way to go.
So even if substantive change begins to be shown and demonstrated by him, you must proceed with caution. At this point it would be an "all or nothing" sort of commitment.
We'll hold off on the "to do" list unless it becomes necessary to address that. For now, let the reality of life without you be the impetus for his either digging in his heels or finally recognizing that HE needs to change. If that change begins, then we can talk about "to do's."
God bless.
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Jen I'd only call you an idiot because it takes one to know one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Listen, I want to read all of that thread properly and it's gotten quite long. I am off to bed soon as I am pretty tired, and life here is quite frantic with work and off on my first bike ride to Cuba on Saturday. I just wanted to let you know, I will do my hardest to get that done, but in the meantime Jen, as ever, know that we all care about you and none of us have the right to criticise you. As I have said to you before, whatever you decide, it is your choice and I for one will try to support that. Take care Jen, keep your chin up and I'll get back to you soon. Lisa
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