This is my first post here, I've been reading and reading the website and the boards for a couple of weeks now.<BR>About three weeks ago I discovered My H's affair.<BR>He had been communicating with OW thru the internet(met her in a game room), since March, Last July I asked him to end it, so he moved everything to work, and lied to me for months, Then in Oct. his father invited him to go to a football game out of town, unfortunatly right in the state next to OW's.<BR>I found the paper with all the information on it, the hotel, restaurant, and her home phone number.<BR>He slept with her two nights in a row, lying to his dad the whole weekend.<BR>We are in counseling, and he says he is comitted to working on our relationship, but then he says things like I still don't know if its going to work oout.<BR>I am feeling deserted and unloved, and everytime I go to bed and have even just a little bit of trouble sleeping I get the images of him in bed with the OW, and I get so nausous....How do you get that out of your head?<BR>I feel like I'm going crazy, he says he isn't having any contact with her but I know there were three other e-mail accounts that I have never been allowed to see There is really no trust left and I am trying so hard to be supportive and loving, and getting nothing back in return.......this is so disheartening.<BR>The only saving grace is that she is on the other side of the country....but that has been the excuse he has been using all along......<BR>Ahh well thanks for reading and if there are any tricks for getting that image out of my head I wuold really appreciate it.

Honey,<P>Seems like nights are the worse. We have all gone through those long torturous nights of unwanted images. I wish I could give you a quick solution, but unfortunately there isn't one. The mind is the devil's playground and that is why only prayer can help. Pray often and alot. Give all of your thoughts to God and let Him give you His peace of mind. It Does take time but eventually the images will fade. For me it was everytime I drove by a certain spot on the highway where I knew my H met with the OW. The shower was another place where my mind went wild, probably because it was quiet and I was alone with my thoughts. I'll say a prayer for you, just hang in there. Trusting you'll find sweet dreams!<P>------------------<BR>eyes wide open<BR>

Sorry to hear you're going through this. It will get better though, just takes a lot of time.<P>Here are some "tricks" I used to use when the bad thoughts took over. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't:<P>* Deep breathing: Old Zen trick. Exhale deeply, then inhale through your nose to the count of four. Hold the breath for the count of seven then exhale slowly through your mouth to the count of eight. Do it 5 times, really clears your mind. Then go do something that keeps you so mentally busy that you don't return to the nasty thoughts.<P>* Wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it every time you have a bad thought. Yelling "STOP IT" at yourself seems to intensify the effect <P>* Go to a really good, complex movie.<P>* Talk to friends about THEIR problems, and don't mention yours. Really takes your mind off things.<P>* Bach flower remedies. These are great for dealing with negativity, resentment, anger or just depression. Look them up on <A HREF="http://www.bachflower.com" TARGET=_blank>www.bachflower.com</A> to see which one's right for you and you can order them from vitamins4life.com<P>These are just a few of the things I did, off the top of my head. Sometimes, however, nothing works and you just sit there and stew. These gambits work better the faster you do them -- as in when the thought occurs. Preferably in the same MINUTE <P>Oh, and read read read. One book that really helped me was "How you can be happy no matter what" by Richard Carlson. It explains how thoughts engender bad feeling and depression, and how you can see a thought as just a thought and not let it ruin your day. It contains some tricks too, but mostly makes it clear that thought does not equal reality and that it IS possible to overcome the negativity. Check it out!<P>Good luck, and keep us posted.

Hi. Welcome. These guys have some great ideas (Chritalle, I'm gonna look for that book myself!)<P>It is hard. Time helps as much as anything, but it doesn't seem fast enough for me either.<P>Just do the best you can to take really good care of yourself, and write us if you need someone to talk to.<P>Lori

Honey,<P>This sounds very much like my story. Be grateful that the OW lives far away. At least you have the comfort of knowing you won't see her at the grocery store.<P>Everybody's suggestions are great...I tried the flower remedies for a while when I first found out and they helped. I can remember what those nights were like tho...when it would get really bad I would pray, take deep breathes, try to concentrate on the positives of *that* day and eventually I would drift off to sleep. Time is really the best medicine tho...I know you want this pain to end NOW but it's going to take some time for these wounds to heal and the trust to return.<P>Now..the other thing that I wanted to mention...those other email accounts...if your husband wants to earn your trust back he is going to have to be completely honest with you...that includes giving you passwords and access to ALL his email accounts. That was a tough one for my H and it didn't come immediately. He deleted his ICQ from his computer so that he wouldn't have to give me the password...there was a lot of stuff on it that he didn't want me to read. However...now I have complete access...he knows I go looking through his accounts and most of the time he leaves his mail program open all the time anyway. ICQ doesn't have a password and I can see exactly what is going on. I still have the occasional moment where I flip out and think something is going on but I am 99.9999% sure there isn't. He acts like the man I married as opposed to the jerk he became last fall.<P>Hang in there and talk to your H a lot. Find out what his needs/lovebusters are..start meeting them even though it's gonna feel like Hey..he is the one who messed up here..he should be on his knees kissing up to me...that's not going to get you very far. Be grateful he is in the house with you. Even if he is still talking to the OW on the computer you have a huge advantage in that you have access to him and you can meet those needs in person. You are also in counseling which is great...my H refused to go after 3 sessions in which he lied about the affair. He says these wishy washy things about not knowing if it will work out because he is afraid. He's scared that you will hold this over him forever...that his needs will become less important than yours...lots of reasons...but prove him wrong. <P>Hang in there...it WILL get better.<P>Jodi

Thank you all for responding, it really helps to have support from others who have gone through this, I'm going to try the flower thing, and I have been reading ALOT right now its just entertainment, but it keeps me occupied and helps me be in a better place.<BR>Again Thank You for caring and being there.