I don't know what's up w/me.... is this another stage? I got past being angry and was left with disappointment. I really have been giving it a go and questioning whether I can have strong feelings for WS again. I just can't get over two things: 1) no protection was used and he put my health at risk - now has HPV and I already have had to have a biopsy because of it and 2) OW in an e-mail to him mentions how she has already played the part of mom (she was 17 years older than him) and to be honest, didn't really want to go there again. Does this mean he was talking to her about a future?

I lost a child after a bone marrow transplant when she was almost 3 and just the thought of him playing with the thoughts of and talking to another woman about raising our children ... it kills me inside.

I no longer felt safe w/him and still do not. He's being nicer now w/his words NOT with his actions. Here it is another Friday and he hasn't helped at any all week again. I have had kidney troubles this year and was in a lot of pain last night. Got up at 2 am and he was watching TV. I asked if he would come to bed and tickle me (I like that better than massages) to help relax me until the Tylenol kicked in. He said he would be there in a minute. 15 minutes later I walked back into the LR and asked again. He said he was going to go smoke first. I waited in LR. He came back in and sat down to watch TV. I said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I guess finishing this sit com is more important." (I know a LB!) He sighed. I walked into the bedroom. He came in after show was over and laid his hand on my leg and half-heartedly tried to caress me (I could tell he was half asleep already). I brushed his hand off and within 5 minutes he was snoring. Tylenol finally kicked in and I feel asleep only to be awakened an hour later by the 3 year old.

H knows I have had a hard week. Its been one or the other child each night waking up so I haven't gotten much sleep at all and haven't been able to keep up w/housework. It is now 3:40 and H is still sleeping (he calls me when he wakes up -- I have called him and he doesn't answer). So that means I will be picking up the kids and going home to the same mess I left this morning which includes the mess H made last night.

I'm at my end -- the two little ones are enough to take care of along w/trying to take care of myself. I still feel like I am being used and being taken advantage of.

I'm starting to have thoughts here and there about asking him to leave....

Anybody have anything to help me get past these thoughts? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

SD,

I am sorry your physical issues and his current attitude are getting you down. Not much you can do about his attitude but you can certainly help yours.

Is he home or living separate? Can you get to the doctor for some anti-deps? Drink plenty, plenty of water, the kind that absorbs well into your body and not just flow through. If you can, e-mail me at mborchid2@yahoo.com. I would like to share some stuff with you. ok? No pressure.

Your situation has similarities to mine. I had a body in our home but not his heart. He contributed in what he thought he was doing to be a good family member when in reality he was a bad border. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> 2 years of that was enough for me. I sent him out a few times to get a dose of real life with the OW which he knew he did not want but I did not want anything less than a real 100% H.

I had to give him more responsibility not less. I also found that developing proper healthy eating habits helped all of us. Still he had to fix his attitude but I know our drive to survive make a deep impression on him. Our drive to survive was for my family. His choice was to be a part of it 100% or not 100%.

L.

<small>[ November 08, 2003, 02:35 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Orchid,

I e-mail'd you privately. My e-mail from work shows my workplace after my name so you might think it is a solicitation or something although I think I put MB in RE line.

I had hope again and now I don't again... Found out H had not filed taxes for the year 2000 (he was going through what I know now was a manic phase and I was in the depths of post partum depression) -- he told me he was going to "take care of it." I made a phone call to the IRS on a totally other related issue last week and they told me if I didn't file by this Friday that they would file the return for me w/NO deductions so I would OWE $$ no matter what. I FREAKED -- I am such a rule obeyer and this is a VERY HIGH STRESSOR for me and H knows it! Once again he said he would take care of it. It is not a normal tax return. It is one w/2 personal businesses that we closed that year as well. H actually worked on it yesterday (going through all the paperwork that needs to be provided to CPA). Didn't finish, said he would finish up today. I asked to PLEASE not wait until last minute to where I am fed ex'g and all that mess and that I was already major stressed in the first place and now I HUGELY stressed. He said not to worry, please don't stress, I'll make sure to get it done. I'm having to do defensive driving on my lunch hour so I don't have any free time at all this week (this also has to be done by Friday). I've been calling H all morning and, you got it, he's sleeping. He has to be at work by 2 so by now, he'll have to jump out of bed and wash up and go (takes 30 min to get to his office).

I am sooo at my wit's end. My problem is that this is not grounds for a divorce but I am so dreaming of getting rid of this headache but then again, I know that only brings about probably a BIGGER headache dealing w/custody for years to come. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Hi SD,

I just sent you a reply. Thanks for writing.

I think we need to get you to a better spot so you can handle this issues. I understand about your H's depressive acts. Mine did that also.

I often felt like I was carrying the world on my shoulder. I learned that in our case, it was better if I gave him more responsibility. It meant that I had to be more patient and not expect the same level I did for myself. Life did not stop but it sure took the pressure off of me. It was a compromise and sometimes it was hard not to get up and do it myself. But I am learning and the home is still inhabitable. LOL!!!

I did learn that my stress was easily tranferred to my family. Giving H more responsibilities lessened that impact. Also made him more appreciative of me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sometimes you have to give a little less to get a bit more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.