I’m looking for some direction here….

A month ago, I confronted WW about affair. We’d been in MC for 9 months prior with some good progress in developing communication skills. The past month we’ve been dealing with the affair with the MC and I’ve been doing a ton of reading on my own. She’s been “thinking about it”….

I’ve told her over and over that I want to work it out but not until she stops all communication with OM. I caught her in more lies and confronted her yesterday, using well thought out and respectful words. Today, she promises to stop the lying and deception and to do whatever it takes to protect the bond. She also decides that she needs individual help and that “winging it” wasn’t working anymore. I said “thank you” quietly to myself and reassured her that I was there for her. Up to this point, I feel I have handled my end well utilizing the techniques presented here on this board and have communicated specifically what I want.

So, now for the waiting. She is in the fog and going through withdrawal and doesn’t know if she wants to continue with the marriage. But, she is determined to get individual help along with the MC. I will be standing by with a positive attitude attempting to get better at meeting her emotional needs without applying pressure.

What else can I be reading or doing to keep my mind at peace while we go through this potentially lengthy and possibly fruitless process? I’ve already been through the emotional wringer and the rest of my life is on hold right now. I'm considering AD’s. Do they really help?

Comanche
10 years married and 2 kids.

TOP.

I suppose I could use the following:

-Info on anti-deps - are they worth it?
-clarification and expansion of "fogspeak"
-book and resource ideas to help guide me while she goes through the "I don't know what I want" phase.

Thanks everybody - I'm finding this forum to be extremely helpful.

Comanche

I took anti-D's some years ago and they definitely helped saved my sanity from my XWW(first W) over the top behavior.

'Fogspeak' The way a WS expresses his/her feelings about the M, the BS, and the OP. Such fogspeak classic examples include 'I love you but I'm not in love with you', 'I have never experienced this kind of passion before', 'He or She is my soulmate', and the always good for a belly laugh 'Stop controlling me'.

Besides the Harley books I highly recommend Dave Carder's 'Torn Asunder' and Dr James Dobson 'Love Must Be Tough'.

<small>[ November 11, 2003, 06:15 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>