Recently posted that I was in recovery from recent discovery of H affiar with 21 year old distant cousin (nanny). Found them on couch together on 9/11/03. I arranged for her to go home to Slovakia on 9/15/03. Found out on 9/21 he was talking to her daily. Found out again on 10/3 -still talking to her - filed for D on 10/10, but then talked and tried to reconcile on 10/13/03, just found out again on 11/11/03 still talking to her regularly.

He said it was ME that split them up and he is working on giving up relationship, but it is still hard and she will always be a part of his heart. They had "fun" together and great friendship and he is having hard time giving this up. Yes, she is 3,000 miles away, but the lying and emotional relationship he continues to have with her is still SO HURTFUL

I asked him to write her a NC letter, he agreed, but has not done it. We have seen counselor and have another appt. next week, but do not think I can wait that long.

What is his "friendship" with her more important than our Marriage.

What steps do I take next - seems my instincts always end up in the wrong direction - I thought we were really making progress - I am SO SAD - I could just scream!!

What makes sense to do next? Do not want divorce, but sometimes it just seems like it would be easier to throw in the towel!

Please Help Right Away!

So sorry...bump

This is terrible, but you will get thru it. Read his needs her need, SSA all the Harley books and read here. So very sorry for your pain. Not much time today, going to bump this so others can add-Hugs

Dear Good:
So sorry to hear of your sitch but am glad you discovered MB.

When I read through your timeline it occured to me that there was only about 3 or 4 weeks from DDAY to filing for D. That really isn't long enough for him to come out of the fog and go through withdrawal.

It isn't long enough to implement a good Plan A. Have you read about Plan A and have you tried a good one?

I know this isn't what you want to hear but this whole process takes time.

Time for him to clear from the fog (which I don't think he's done yet).

Time for him to go through withdrawal (which starts after NC is initiated).

Time for you to become a better person through Plan A with no LBs.

It all takes time and how much you are willing to give it before throwing it all in is something only you can tell us.
DB

Hi Goodwife92,

Be careful listening to anything he has to say. Most of the things he is saying are classic "fog" talk where they don't even know what they're saying/thinking themselves.

You may want to take a step back and not do anything out of anger/frustration/impatience or you will only regret it later. As hard as this is to hear and do, give things time and don't do anything drastic.

I was there myself and found it really hard to not just do something like file. But I have a greater peace about things because I tried, waited and didn't move too quickly.

Fog talk. He's trying to wean himself away from OW by talking to her regularly? If he reduced by one phone call a week, there would have been silence by now, right? You can't feed and starve something at the same time.

Anyway, "weaning" can't be done. Cold turkey or nutthin'.