Last night I had a fight with my Ds. This is the second time I've gotten this angry before. I know it is not so much about my Ds as it is about my emotional state because of my WW...

I thought I had gotten over the anger phase of this affair stuff. It's been almost 4 months since she left me. I had gone through the rollercoaster of emotions and was starting to feel ok. When I got angry last night, all I could think about was being angry at my W. I wanted to call her and ask her why is she being so selfish? Why is she such a piece of crap right now? I felt like telling her to just forget about everything and f**k her OM and be out of my life! I wanted her to feel like I've felt for the last 4 months. I wanted to see her cry for me instead of me doing all the crying. I just wanted her to feel pain from all this. I hate myself for feeling this and I'm angry I let her make me feel this way. I guess I haven't done as well as I thought I had. I guess I still have a bunch of surpressed feelings and they seep out a little at a time. The worst part is is that when it seeps out it is directed at the wrong people...

I tried apologizing to my Ds and told them it wasn't about them. My youngest left and went to spend the night with her mom. This made me feel even worse. The oldest just shut me out. I tried to talk to her but she just said leave me alone, I hate you. I love my Ds more than anything in my life, including my W. They have been the sole good thing throughout all this. I could not have made it without them. Had my W taken them with her when she left, I would have probably filed for divorce myself. I guess you could say that my kids are my life and I keep messing that up.......

I have gone through counseling for the marital part of all this. My counselor got me through a lot of the bad stuff, but I never let go of the anger. I think I need to seek a better counselor who can work on me. I think I need help........

Have you considered taking an anger management class? Don't scoff at the idea because almost ALL of us need to take one. I took one soon after my divorce became finalized and along with the anti-D's, it helped me significantly towards my personal recovery.

LWH your personal recovery should be your number one goal ahead of your marital one. Learning to overcome the pain, frustration and resentment of your W's affair is essential whether or not your marriage survives. Your wellbeing as well as your D's depends on it.

LWH,
you made a mistake. you responded to something emotionally and with anger...so you made a mistake, yes! but you apologized...you understand what your error was, so now let it go. just make up your mind to do better. my G-D man, you're human! cut yourself a little slack.

coach