Most of you by now have probably read the story of us so I won't go into that. We're in Plan A and things are going pretty good. It has been about 2 weeks since I found out. I have some problems though. Sometimes I wake up or come home and I don't even want to look at my W. I know she needs me and I want to be there for or, but I just feel a lot of pain and disrespect. "How could she do this after all I have done for her". I wake up and wish it was just a bad dream. I know she is sorry and feeling pain too. I have forgiven her for the act, but its the betrayal thats hard i guess. Have I forgevin her? Will the pain pass over time? What do I do in the meantime? Please help.

I am a great believer in your pain and forgiveness is a journey, not a one time proclaimation. It takes a lot of time and it has many highs and lows. There are some good threads about Forgiveness based on a Forgiveness Workbook some of were discussing. You should be able to either search under my name and pick them through the subject, or search under forgiveness under my name.<P>Look under honeybre's thread today for a few good suggestions.<P>One other thing...it is difficult to shut off what you are feeling at the moment, but distinguish between what you feel and how you act. You don't have to say hurtful things (not saying you do) and I bet you can make those arms work to hug her if you make them.<P>Unfortunately..or fortunately (depending how you look at it) if the mate is committed to recovery and rebuilding and cooperates positively, that's about all they can do. They can not erase the past and they can not erase your pain. This sounds obvious, but sometimes I think we expect them to do just that, somehow.<P>When the betrayed stays in the relationship, I believe they need to commit to move toward recovery and toward forgiveness. Much of this journey is very personal. It involves a lot of pain, but much growth and learning which will always be with you. <P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

KLS...<P>First thing... remember you still have you W at home... Learn to be thankful for you might be overlooking right now!<P>Second... you've got to immediately be working on yourself... improving... being there for her... being the best you can be for her. You know about Plan A... that's good... keep it going!<P>There wasn't much in your "profile"... if you could fill that in a little more... we'd all know where your at. <P>I and everyone here will be praying for you...<P>Jim

It's only been two weeks. You're still digesting it & trying to understand ANYTHING about it, so it's normal. Just hang on for the ride.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

KLS,<BR>It's been 3 weeks since I 'discovered' but unlike you my H does not want to consider working on rebuilding the marriage. He has left, and not into the OW's arms either.<P>What I wouldn't give for an opportunity for him to be by my side, to work through the pain together.<P>Do not let the last two weeks take control of your relationship. The affair and betrayal are really only a small portion, a drop really, in the whole scheme of your relationship. Concentrate and build on the positives. She is there with you, she wants to be with you, and she is sooo sorry. Help her and help yourself.<P>All the best - Raenbow.

up until last night, i HATED my husband for doing that to our marriage. 2 weeks? heck, ive had 14 months. <BR>we haven't even TRIED to "work" on things, other than getting on good antidepressants, but somehow they are getting better.<BR>frankly, most of the time i've wanted out.<BR>the anger seems to be lifting, and if it does for me, it can for anybody. hang in there.<P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>

Everyone's right, it is way early on in recovery. It's been 2 months for me. Still have occasional 'bouts but nothing like the first month. Time is a good healer, but not alone. It takes time with effort as well. <BR>1. Yes work on you, When you are trying to work on you, it's harder to think if their flaws.<BR>2. Get a good thought, when you feel the bad creeping in, chose to remove it and think of the good. (very hard to do) <BR>3. Don't get caught up in the "how could she"<BR>4. Find out how she could and fix it, both of you.<BR>5. Do be thankful you are not going through a horrible, painful seperation. Or signing divorce papers. It would definately feel worse!<BR>6. Don't think you're crazy. Sounds to me like you are on the "normal" roller coaster of recovery. <P>I don't discount your feelings at all, been there. Keep it up ... I read you guys post on emotional needs. Your relationship is worth working on! My h is 6 yrs older than me to. I was 19 and he 25 when we married. I to was the "wild" one and he the sheltered one, but my wildness was out of my system, he had never gotten to experience it. So now almost 8 years later, he's used our marriage to experience the wild side of life. I don't mean just the infidelity either. Anyway, continue!<P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>